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Thursday, November 17, 2016

Cynical/jaded or cautious/realistic?

Last week someone made a comment to me. It was along the lines of “We should approach the world from a standpoint that everyone is basically good and decent”.
I think the person was hinting that not doing so indicates a degree of cynicism and jaded-ness.
While I agree with the sentiment in general and apply it in regular day-to-day life, I will be amiss not to point out that sex industry is very different in that regard.
While majority of the clients ARE, in fact, good and decent people just looking for a bit of fun and stress relief, there is a significant percentage of those who partake in the industry for very dark reasons.
These people deliberately target sex industry and sex workers-and as a result the balance of bad/good here is very different from the same balance in real life. The percentage of “bad” people is significantly higher.
Below are screenshots of some comments on #reddit. I will let these people speak for themselves- I don’t think any editorial comments are needed here.







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So for sex workers a cautious approach to every and each client is a must. It is a simple matter of self-preservation. We cannot afford the luxury of assuming that every person who contacts us is a lovely happy-go-lucky guy.

Please don’t misunderstand me: I am not calling for demonizing all clients. All I am saying that screening procedures are necessary and certain degree of caution is a must.

Clients need to understand that we use screening/verification in order to protect ourselves. Because the alternative for us is a possibility of getting hurt, assaulted, robbed or, in some extreme cases, killed. Not to mention other unpleasant things, like being stalked, blackmailed, evicted from your premises, etc.

The people whose posts you see above is our reality. They are *very real* part of the client pool. Not an insignificant/negligible part, either. But at any rate, it is a cold comfort to know the guy who literally ripped you apart was one in a thousand (or whatever).
And we have to deal with reality as we find it, not how we wish it was.
So, gents, please don’t get offended when we ask questions, or require you to follow a certain booking protocol. Believe me, more than anything, we wish every client was a kind, gentle person who simply wanted a bit of company. But it’s just not the world we live in.

This is a good opportunity to thank from the bottom of my heart all the truly amazing clients out there: you are the ones who keep our faith in humanity, you are the ones who make our job worthwhile, you are the ones who put the smile on or faces and make us feel good about what we do.

Thank you! XXX

2 comments:

  1. Below comment was emailed to me directly with the request to post it:

    Yana has written many things over the years about how to navigate the profession. But this seems to put what is wonderful about it in the context of the daemons within some people. It speaks to why regulation is paramount for one’s own wellbeing. It speaks to why society seeks to protect people from themselves. And why people in society thrive on the freedoms of self regulation and expression. There in is a bit of a paradox - in order to have freedom there is need for social norms but when societal norms become authoritarian without concern for individual expression there is by definition an absence of societal norms protecting the democratic freedoms of equality, self regulation and expression.

    Authoritarians rely on power imbalances, not power! At the hart of the quoted posters words is an admission of the use of power imbalances to remove from another the ability to have self regulation and expression.

    In letting the posters speak in their own words they reveal the horrid nature what power imbalances work on people within a society that does not protect the democratic principal of equality. Societies must employ a way of regulation to make sure authoritarian behavior does not become the norm. While laissez faire Libertarianism may appeal to some as being freedom it is only a justification for power imbalances and exploitation.

    The laissez faire nature of the posters words also reveals how the humanity of their subjects is striped away. It really does not matter what is done to the subject as they are different below sub-human. This can occur between two people, in small communities or on mass scales.

    Ironically as human makers of our own culture we continually create structures that welcome power imbalances. Here Yana speaks of society turning its back on supporting sex workers in enforcing their right to work unmolested and free from danger. Sex workers can do their part by screening but they need a way to report and make sure people who threaten them are held accountable for their libertarian use of power. In these posts we hear how the authoritarian use of power imbalances flaunts New Zealand’s commercial sex condom law! As Yana points out people who do enjoy over powering others do gravitate to areas where they can and do just that. With the libertarian, laissez faire, dog eat dog, survival of the fittest; justification they can exploit authority to easily over power the democratic freedoms of equality, self regulation, and expression.

    What a very powerful statement of Yana’s about the need to self and social regulation “…cautious approach to every and each client is a must. It is a simple matter of self-preservation.… please don’t get offended when we ask questions, or require you to follow a certain booking protocol.”


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  2. ....Continuation of the article above:



    What an expression of the positive need for people on both sides to embrace – enforce - democratic principals of equality. Regulation is the expression of the need for decency toward each other. It is imperative each of us does just that in every aspect of our complex modern life in order to have a social norm of caring for each other. In other words it also takes those people who enjoy the equality of democracy also join together through our government to enforce democracy’s social norms. Under New Zealand Law ‘Condon Strippers’ should be held accountable just like rapists.

    Yana says this much more eloquently, “This is a good opportunity to thank from the bottom of my heart all the truly amazing clients out there: you are the ones who keep our faith in humanity, you are the ones who make our job worthwhile, you are the ones who put the smile on our faces and make us feel good about what we do.” What a powerful expression of very different distinct people uniting for dissimilar reasons to create a powerful community of democratic freedoms of equality, self regulation, and expression.

    Our societal failings are reoccurring as this news article attempts to explain.

    How Stable Are Democracies? ‘Warning Signs Are Flashing Red’

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/29/world/americas/western-liberal-democracy.html?_r=0

    Why would we want to turn the regulation our culture over to authoritarians and cronies who create and exploit imbalances of power? The danger is always present because they gravitate to positions of power as Yana says, “The percentage of “bad” people is significantly higher.” We must not abdicate to authoritarians or libertarian ideology the responsibility we all have for enforcing the social norms of democratic principals of equality

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