Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Paying for the services of an escort

From the very early age we all learn from our experiences: as a toddler, we touch the fire or a burning stove and learn that it causes *lasting* pain, so we don’t do it again (at least not deliberately).

As a 4-year old we run to a boy/girl on the playground we have a crush on the minute we realise we have that crush in an attempt to give them a hug and declare our love only to be pushed away and  end up with our bum buried in the sand in the sandbox while other kids point and laugh.
So we learn to be careful about professing our love and investigate the situation first to make sure it’s likely to be reciprocated.

First time we are out playing in the snow by ourselves, we wonder what it’d be like to lick that frozen metal pole-we soon find out it’s no fun at all. So we learn to avoid this particular experiment in the future.

As we grow older, our experiences get more complex and with more serious consequences. We also discover that we can learn from the experiences of others: good or bad.
In fact, it doesn’t take us long to realize that a smarter way is to learn from other’s bad experiences in order to avoid the pain altogether. It doesn’t always work out that way, but we try.

These days with internet everywhere and everyone having various devices on hand this “learning from others experience” is literally at one’s fingertips whenever they wish.
A good example of this is TripAdvisor: those who spend time doing their research end up saving time, money and often spare themselves needless stress.

Now that I gave a bit of a context and set up the scene, let me get on with the actual point of my post.

The question: whether to pay a commercial sex provider before or after the booking.

I know, I say it a lot, but the answer is: it really all depends on various circumstances. Moreover, despite what some might assume, different people (BOTH men and women) have polar opposite opinions on the subject.

I’ll try and present various opinions objectively and let the reader ponder the question and hopefully make an informed decision in their future transactions.

I’ll start with the obvious: our service is unique. It has a great value when the client is horny, hot and bothered and can’t wait for the release. This value declines rapidly once the client had ejaculated.
As a result, some people tend to try and re-neg the original agreement or even refuse the payment altogether. No, not every one of course, but it is not a rare occurrence, either.

There are plenty of genuinely nice guys who would never think of doing the above, however. .
Some of them appreciate it when the payment is left until the very end. However, for others it’s actually a turn-off.

Here’s why: upon arrival these gents simply place the money somewhere (on the table usually) in plain view of an escort. Escort counts it discreetly when the client is not watching (when either one of them in the shower, for example). 
The fun and games commence and, as we all know, dopamine (the reward chemical) is released by the brain and this pretty much obliterates all the memories of placing that envelope on the table in the first place. 
Good-byes are said with genuine sincerity at the end of the appointment, hugs and kisses are given along with wishes of “safe travels” or “”enjoy your day” and the guy leaves on the high note, full of dopamine, almost feeling like he just been with a lover.

If he left paying till the end, it abruptly jerks him back into reality, reminding him that all of this is just “pretend” and very much a business transaction. This "rude awakening" is compounded by the fact that at that stage money really has to be counted right then and there (more on that below) and there is no way to do it discreetly.
You can see why some guys really do prefer to get “the paperwork” out of the way right at the start.

There were also several documented (on online sex industry forums) cases of guys being approached in the hotel bars/casinos by what looked like “regular” (as in NON-sex worker) girls/women and flirting up a storm, going up in the room with them and having sex. And THEN asking for a payment. I stress that in ALL (100%) of the reported cases men did NOT like that approach at all.

The reactions described ranged from “unpleasantly surprised and feeling duped” (despite admitting in several cases that the sex was great while it was happening to “absolutely devastated” and “losing all confidence”.

On the surface it might look ideal: the guy truly feels like it’s an unexpected affair and only pays in the end, but reality is very much different, apparently.

(Side note: I most definitely do NOT recommend this approach as a strategy to any working girl, even amateur: you might end up in a very bad situation and even get hurt, not to mention never get paid).

There are guys out there who constantly attempt to cheat and short change escorts. Tricks vary, but here are some common ones:

-Using smaller bills and folding them, so the pack feels thick, while in fact it does not contain a full payment

-Using many bills of different denominations and placing very small denomination bills (like $5 or $10) in the middle of the fold that consists of $20 and $100 bills otherwise, thus shorting the escort part of her fee

-Filling an envelope with pieces of paper instead of money and sealing it in hopes that escort would not discover the contents until the client is long gone

-Trying to push for the payment after the service, then (after he shagged the escort nice and proper and ejaculated) finding non-existing faults with the service and asking for discount

-Trying to push the payment for after the service, then acting extremely surprised, embarrassed even, making a big production of emptying their wallet and claiming to be $20 (or whatever, some attempted $100) short and promising to bring it back later (of course never happens)

-Trying to push the payment for after the service, then performing the above theatrics claiming to have forgotten THE ENTIRE wallet. Variation of this scam is “forgot the wallet in the car”. Of course neither punter nor money are seen ever again.

-Trying to get the escort to believe that they’ve transferred the money into her account online and even producing a “receipt”. Usually a scam. Unless you live in the country with superior banking system (such as New Zealand and Australia-that’s right-NOT USA, their banking is still lagging behind) and you can actually see the money in YOUR account when YOU logged into it from YOUR device, then don’t go for it. Whatever they show you on THEIR device that concerns THEIR account is immaterial.

-Guys who make initial inquiries/appointments using ambiguous language, such as “I want to catch up”, “Let’s get together”, wanting to “hook up””, “Want to come over?” (for an outcall request), then “get to it” straight from the door, not letting the escort say much and then, when they’ve had their fun and the escort asks for her fee, feigning innocence and claiming they thought they were on a real date and citing the very inquiries they’ve made: I told I just wanted to hook up, I don’t want to/never have to pay for it. I thought you just wanted some good fun outside of work.

Then there are those guys who just try it on and see if it works. Like the guy described in this post:

Tried to schedule the booking for 2 days (claimed busy schedule), finally arrived and (see above theatrics) claimed to “forget” to withdraw the money from ATM.
The girl agrees to go ahead with the service with the provision that he puts the money into her account the next day and, of course, this never happens: not the next day, not the week after, not even 2 weeks later. Lucky, she was able to recover her fee from him after all.

This guy is clearly a “trier” (you know what they say :”God loves a trier”): he knew that it may or may not work, but was counting on the fact that she would be thinking of the time (and opportunity cost) she wasted if she refused the booking at that stage.
Obviously, HE has plenty of spare time to dedicate to his “hobby”.

Any escort who worked for a while (even a few months) had been a victim of some variation of the scams listed above. And they learn from their experience. With online industry forums and escorts networking sites, they learn of their colleagues experiences as well (that's right, forums are two-way highways: they work for punters, but now WGs are catching up ;))

It is normal for anyone to avoid situations which bring unpleasant results. In fact, one of the definitions of madness is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”.
So obviously prostitution being world’s oldest profession (LOTS of experience to learn from), and in the view of the above described it is a standard practice to collect the fee upfront.

But what actually happens in real life, full of variables, personalities, unique circumstances and individuals?

Yes, some girls let some regular clients they know and trust pay in the end, if they prefer. This trust is earned, however and doesn’t come easy or fast. It is also easily broken.

For instance, I've seen a particular client 3 times in a period of 2 years and he had always been absolutely lovely. So when I heard from him a couple of months ago, not only I went out of my way to accommodate his short-notice booking, but was ready when he arrived 15 min early, didn't ask for the payment upfront and didn't mind that the booking went over by half an hour.
So it was especially hurtful when I unfolded the stack of money he'd given me just before he walked out and saw that it was $20 short!
$20 dollars is not that big of a deal to me, but the way he deliberately duped me really offended me.
I didn't call or text him to confront him: if he feels he needs to do this, then it's his Karma, but I will never accept his booking again.

Sometimes escorts genuinely forget to ask for their fee upfront because they got distracted by something (conversation with a punter, something he asked for, etc.). Usually they realisze their mistake during the booking, but act all cool in hopes that they’ll get paid in the end. This could be nerve-racking, especially with first-time clients.

Sometimes both parties genuinely forget (this happens occasionally with regular clients) until the client is actually gone. This has happened to me on several occasions and my clients had always returned with the money immediately: in some cases they’ve realized their mistake before I even called them to tell them).

Sometimes the initial communication with the client instils such trust in a WG that she makes an executive decision to ask for the money in the end if the client is not offering it himself upon arrival.

Sometimes a client, although a first-time visitor for this particular WG is actually a prolific punter and has a great reputation among WGs, so she knows he is trustworthy and is not concerned about collecting the payment in the end.

And sometimes clients prefer to pay several hundred dollars to the escort in the beginning of the month and then visit her during that period using their credit: this way money does not exchange hands except for the first time (or even online) and is never mentioned-it is a nice touch, giving the feel of a true affair. They both know what her fees are, so they both aware of how much “credit” is left.
This is not a new scheme-it’s been done for years. I’ve started the “pre-paid monthly subscription” package recently myself    and was actually very *pleasantly* surprised at how well it was received.

Which brings me to another sticky point: should these various instances be mentioned in reviews and/or on the forums?

My personal opinion (however, I clearly state that it is just an opinion and I am most definitely not an oracle of gospel truth) is: NO.
The reason: online forums had been used by some guys in the past to promote certain ideas/ways of doing business/services and creating a public opinion in their favour. Please read more (and specific examples) in this post:

 If people start talking about how nice it is to be able to pay escorts in the end, some will take it and run with it. 
It will not take long for this to be forced on ALL escorts: first several guys will say how nice it is, and some others will support them, then they will start singing praises to the girls who do it and try to decry those who don’t. Then they will start talking about “choosing not to book escorts who ask for the payment upfront, but rather go to the once who collect it in the end”.

Naturally, some girls who are desperate for money (there are always some) will start putting it in their ads and promotions: I will never ask for the money upfront.

And before you know it, escorts will have no choice but adopt the practice if they want to stay in business.

It does not take long and I am not making this up or trying to scaremonger: in the post mentioned above I’ve demonstrated how in a few short years French Kissing, DATY and the whole GFE became the required (and demanded) standard included in the service vs. something that was offered by choice (escort’s choice) to select clients only and for an additional fee.
The proof is in the pudding, my friends.

And, of course, if the practice of paying in the end will become a norm, no-goodnicks described above will just have a field day with it and will make our job decidedly more stressful, which will inevitably have a negative effect on the rest of the punters-the nice, genuine and honest ones.

In conclusion: while individual circumstances vary (sometimes greatly) in regards to the timing of the payment, and it is definitely up to the two individuals to decide what works for them, the subject is best kept private and away from public reviews and forums, I think.


  1. This comment was emailed to my personal email by Anonymous:

    Yana, your essay reveals the stark difference between human connection and inhumanity. If I am guessing your meaning at all correctly, it is an amazing piece of comparative writing. At first I missed the dichotomy between connection with love and without love.

    Yes I am aware you wrote about sex for money. What I think you are meaning is sex can be had with or without love whether money is involved or not. When love is exchanged it does not matter what the medium of exchange is - it is connection with love. That exchange is as intense as aiding or holding a dieing stranger at an auto accident or as simple as sex with strangers.

    Yes I am aware that sex with sex workers is a temporary agreement where there are no preexisting relations and there is no expectation of post experience relationships. However there is a dramatic difference between stolen from (where one's humanity not honored) and as you put it "Sometimes both parties genuinely forget … until the client is actually gone. This has happened to me on several occasions and my clients had always returned with the money immediately: in some cases they’ve realized their mistake before I even called them to tell them."

    Yes generally love is thought of to be something that bonds lasting enduring relationships. Yana, as a Russian speaker you are familiar with difficulty of translating word meaning. But even within English how can the word love be translated to mean "a trusting relationship between two people". To give of one's self for the mutual benefit of both. To connect, hold and be held. As you point out it is not just a psychological metaphor, or physical and emotional connection it's a trust that two people's agreement in all it's ramifications is to be there for each other even if only for 30 minutes. It's trust that both parties will be present, see, feel and respect the humanity of each other. Sex for money is like the "care exchanged" at the auto accident - it is connection with love so long as both parties honor he humanity of the other.

    What I think your are saying as a businesswoman and as a human being +`you are being rewarded by your service to clients who share with you; in seeing the humanity of each other. That is what love with connection is. Without love; connection is a rip off.

    Odd someone would actively destroy the connection they seek but we as people are very capable of connection without love. Not paying is a stark example of not honoring the humanity of another person.