Saturday, August 22, 2015

My experiences on #AshleyMadison

My experiences on Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison

So Ashley Maddison site, or rather the hacking of it and subsequent posting of private info is all over media and press ATM.
Personally, I do not condone the outing of the personal information by the hackers: it achieves no purpose except for raining havoc and misery on many people (some of whom are the very victims the hackers wanted to champion the cause for, supposedly).

But this blog about something else.
I joined AM because one of my fellow WG was a member and she claimed she had a certain rate of success with guys on it: as in generating business. It sounded to me as the site was similar to the “Seeking Arrangement” and “Sugar Daddy” site (I’ve written about my experiences on those here

Here’s what I found out.
It became very clear that in New Zealand (I can’t speak for other countries) men generally join any and all sites where one can procure sex.

They don’t seem understand (or simply don’t care) that while some sites are designed for people who genuinely want to meet someone for a romantic/intimate relationship (and possible marriage)-such as Findsomeone, others are dedicated to arrangements (where some sort of material token of appreciation is involved in exchange for intimacy).

I say this confidently, as I see the same guys on ALL sites. Some of them at least try to change their profiles slightly, while others just can’t be bothered.

Generally speaking, from my personal exchanges and from those of my girlfriends, the overwhelming majority of the guys are looking for free sex while offering very little or nothing in exchange. This is true for “dating” sites, where they pretend to be single and looking for a long-term relationship and for “arrangement” sites where they pretend to be genuine sugar daddies.

But let’s focus on Ashley Madison and my experience on it in NZ.
We’ll start with a tag line: Life is short, have an affair. OK, so presumably two people who are already involved with partners/spouses want to blow off some steam and have a discreet NSA romp in the sack now and then. Cool.

I’ve had genuine affairs in the past-not as part of my working persona, but in real life, as my real self.
Once I was madly in love with a married man, whose marriage was sexless, but who was dedicated to his family (wife and four kids of various ages). He was not at all wealthy, just very average middle class and all his earnings were going home.
As I was single and earned a very good income, I took it upon myself to take care of all the financial aspects of the affair.

I explained above to give some context to what I am about to say: I speak from experience and know what I am talking about, rather than guessing: affairs cost money.

First and foremost, the premises to have the tryst.
Hotels are not exactly cheap and you certainly don’t want to go to a complete dump where you and your paramour would feel unsafe and/or disgusted to touch anything let alone lay on the bedding butt naked.

In Auckland, an average decent hotel will cost min $130, but realistically more like $180-$250.

It is unrealistic to expect someone to meet you on a regular basis and just fuck like rabbits. True affair involves at least some meals, wine and/or champagne and an occasional gift.

Even if you don’t do this every single time you meet, on the average this should add about $50 (min) to $100 to every meeting (I am talking total price of any and all meals/gifts divided by the number of all the meetings you two had).
Those who take their paramours on occasional out-of-town sneaky get away should add more.

Above is bare-minimum, very conservative estimate, as many people who have affairs spend hundreds and often thousands: expensive gifts (this includes gifts to the wife when they want to cover up their absence, indifference to the lack of sex or simply because they feel guilty), cost of “burner” phone (for himself and his mistress) and calling plans, rent for the mistress of one wants to set her up, mistress’s tuition/bills, car for the mistress, childcare for the mistress… The list goes on.
All that, and one constantly lives in fear of being exposed and/or blackmailed.

So… With all that in mind I joined AM. As I am not cash poor, I am not adverse to occasional exchange of goods for services (see detailed description here                                                 ).
Surely, I thought, some of these guys would see the benefit of someone who:
-Has her own private and discreet place (so no $$ for the hotel and worries about cameras/credit cards, etc.)
-Is genuinely single, so no risk of HER partner finding out and causing you a lot of grief and possibly bodily harm
-Is very obviously financially secure, so would never try to rip them off and bug them with unwanted calls/texts about “rent due”, etc.
-States clearly that she has no interest whatsoever in establishing any kind of involved long-term relationship (strictly NSA).
-Is clearly independent and has her life, hence would not be a nuisance in yours.
-Is very upfront and enthusiastic about having sex with you.

All that in exchange of a token of appreciation which in some cases might cost you very little or even nothing-like transferring your Air New Zealand/Emirates/Qantas points, for instance or booking a travel that you can charge to your company’s credit card (I mean the company you yourself OWN, of course) that you can write off on taxes, just to give a few examples.
Yes, I ask for tokens that to me would equal my fee, give or take, but as evident, I offer options that are quite favourable to the guys. Especially when one considers what they would have to spend on a real affair and how much time it will take to organise. All that in conjunction with the fact that I am pretty good at making things seem like a “real date” and can seg into intimacy very smoothly: so one does get what one had paid for without it feeling like a commercial transaction, but also there is no awkwardness in the approach.

What I found was that ALL guys who contacted me on AM seriously expected sex for free. All the while they themselves had very little or nothing to offer (even in terms of looks and/or manners).
Mind, I never even replied to “winks” (of which I had hundreds within days). A guy would have to actually message me to get a response.
Some guys couldn’t even be bothered to fill out their profiles!
I have replied to some who seem genuine and was upfront about me looking for “arrangement”. While some politely declined (which is perfectly fine), others wanted to know what it is I am looking for specifically and  once I let them know, their responses ranged from really crude to seriously comical (some had me in stitches on the floor for real).
Even those who supposedly accepted the premise weren’t serious about it. I’ve met several for coffee and it became very clear the only reason they wanted to meet was to hopefully talk/trick me into free sex *exasperated sigh*.

I just don’t get it. Seriously, when one is thinking of an affair, surely they don’t imagine that someone jumps their bones the minute they laid their eyes on them?
Seduction is an art and takes time, skill and, yes, money. It’s perfectly fine to want to bypass these in today’s age of super busy life, but then one should be willing to pay a *higher* price for convenience.
Don’t you think?

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