Saturday, August 22, 2015

My experiences on #AshleyMadison

My experiences on Ashley Madison

Ashley Madison

So Ashley Maddison site, or rather the hacking of it and subsequent posting of private info is all over media and press ATM.
Personally, I do not condone the outing of the personal information by the hackers: it achieves no purpose except for raining havoc and misery on many people (some of whom are the very victims the hackers wanted to champion the cause for, supposedly).

But this blog about something else.
I joined AM because one of my fellow WG was a member and she claimed she had a certain rate of success with guys on it: as in generating business. It sounded to me as the site was similar to the “Seeking Arrangement” and “Sugar Daddy” site (I’ve written about my experiences on those here

Here’s what I found out.
It became very clear that in New Zealand (I can’t speak for other countries) men generally join any and all sites where one can procure sex.

They don’t seem understand (or simply don’t care) that while some sites are designed for people who genuinely want to meet someone for a romantic/intimate relationship (and possible marriage)-such as Findsomeone, others are dedicated to arrangements (where some sort of material token of appreciation is involved in exchange for intimacy).

I say this confidently, as I see the same guys on ALL sites. Some of them at least try to change their profiles slightly, while others just can’t be bothered.

Generally speaking, from my personal exchanges and from those of my girlfriends, the overwhelming majority of the guys are looking for free sex while offering very little or nothing in exchange. This is true for “dating” sites, where they pretend to be single and looking for a long-term relationship and for “arrangement” sites where they pretend to be genuine sugar daddies.

But let’s focus on Ashley Madison and my experience on it in NZ.
We’ll start with a tag line: Life is short, have an affair. OK, so presumably two people who are already involved with partners/spouses want to blow off some steam and have a discreet NSA romp in the sack now and then. Cool.

I’ve had genuine affairs in the past-not as part of my working persona, but in real life, as my real self.
Once I was madly in love with a married man, whose marriage was sexless, but who was dedicated to his family (wife and four kids of various ages). He was not at all wealthy, just very average middle class and all his earnings were going home.
As I was single and earned a very good income, I took it upon myself to take care of all the financial aspects of the affair.

I explained above to give some context to what I am about to say: I speak from experience and know what I am talking about, rather than guessing: affairs cost money.

First and foremost, the premises to have the tryst.
Hotels are not exactly cheap and you certainly don’t want to go to a complete dump where you and your paramour would feel unsafe and/or disgusted to touch anything let alone lay on the bedding butt naked.

In Auckland, an average decent hotel will cost min $130, but realistically more like $180-$250.

It is unrealistic to expect someone to meet you on a regular basis and just fuck like rabbits. True affair involves at least some meals, wine and/or champagne and an occasional gift.

Even if you don’t do this every single time you meet, on the average this should add about $50 (min) to $100 to every meeting (I am talking total price of any and all meals/gifts divided by the number of all the meetings you two had).
Those who take their paramours on occasional out-of-town sneaky get away should add more.

Above is bare-minimum, very conservative estimate, as many people who have affairs spend hundreds and often thousands: expensive gifts (this includes gifts to the wife when they want to cover up their absence, indifference to the lack of sex or simply because they feel guilty), cost of “burner” phone (for himself and his mistress) and calling plans, rent for the mistress of one wants to set her up, mistress’s tuition/bills, car for the mistress, childcare for the mistress… The list goes on.
All that, and one constantly lives in fear of being exposed and/or blackmailed.

So… With all that in mind I joined AM. As I am not cash poor, I am not adverse to occasional exchange of goods for services (see detailed description here                                                 ).
Surely, I thought, some of these guys would see the benefit of someone who:
-Has her own private and discreet place (so no $$ for the hotel and worries about cameras/credit cards, etc.)
-Is genuinely single, so no risk of HER partner finding out and causing you a lot of grief and possibly bodily harm
-Is very obviously financially secure, so would never try to rip them off and bug them with unwanted calls/texts about “rent due”, etc.
-States clearly that she has no interest whatsoever in establishing any kind of involved long-term relationship (strictly NSA).
-Is clearly independent and has her life, hence would not be a nuisance in yours.
-Is very upfront and enthusiastic about having sex with you.

All that in exchange of a token of appreciation which in some cases might cost you very little or even nothing-like transferring your Air New Zealand/Emirates/Qantas points, for instance or booking a travel that you can charge to your company’s credit card (I mean the company you yourself OWN, of course) that you can write off on taxes, just to give a few examples.
Yes, I ask for tokens that to me would equal my fee, give or take, but as evident, I offer options that are quite favourable to the guys. Especially when one considers what they would have to spend on a real affair and how much time it will take to organise. All that in conjunction with the fact that I am pretty good at making things seem like a “real date” and can seg into intimacy very smoothly: so one does get what one had paid for without it feeling like a commercial transaction, but also there is no awkwardness in the approach.

What I found was that ALL guys who contacted me on AM seriously expected sex for free. All the while they themselves had very little or nothing to offer (even in terms of looks and/or manners).
Mind, I never even replied to “winks” (of which I had hundreds within days). A guy would have to actually message me to get a response.
Some guys couldn’t even be bothered to fill out their profiles!
I have replied to some who seem genuine and was upfront about me looking for “arrangement”. While some politely declined (which is perfectly fine), others wanted to know what it is I am looking for specifically and  once I let them know, their responses ranged from really crude to seriously comical (some had me in stitches on the floor for real).
Even those who supposedly accepted the premise weren’t serious about it. I’ve met several for coffee and it became very clear the only reason they wanted to meet was to hopefully talk/trick me into free sex *exasperated sigh*.

I just don’t get it. Seriously, when one is thinking of an affair, surely they don’t imagine that someone jumps their bones the minute they laid their eyes on them?
Seduction is an art and takes time, skill and, yes, money. It’s perfectly fine to want to bypass these in today’s age of super busy life, but then one should be willing to pay a *higher* price for convenience.
Don’t you think?

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Karma is a bitch or what goes around, comes around

I’ll start by stating clearly that I absolutely despise scam artists: of all walks of life and of both genders. Here is nothing worse than have your trust in humanity damaged or destroyed completely by some lowlife. And then people wonder why there are so many cynics around: well, they’ve been “taken” one time too many.

Escorts or rather hustlers whose con is pretending to be an escort can undo in one fell swoop months and even years of honest escorts hard work to elevate the industry from the gutter and to get rid of the stigma surrounding it. This affects all of us.

One bitten, twice shy, they say and it is especially true for the sex industry consumers. Once conned, guys tend to be very sceptical about submitting deposits for the bookings with even well-reviewed escorts.

For instance, there are situations where I simply won’t accept a bookings without a deposit:

-Interstate/intercity/international bookings
-Multi-day bookings
-Multi-hour outcall bookings to remote private residences
-Spec bookings that require substantial preparation on my part
-And as of late any multi-hour bookings, as the rate of cancellations became significant.

I’d like to elaborate on that last one. I am honest about my integrity: I do not see many clients (only 1-3/day) and when I have multi-hour booking scheduled, I do not take any other bookings for that day at all in order to be fresh, rested, enthusiastic… well, present, really for the client.
So when a client cancels such booking on a short notice, he pretty much wipes out my entire day as far as earning money goes.

It seems that as of late guys book several girls in advance and then decide pretty much in the last minute who they actually going to see. While it is consumer’s prerogative, mine is to insure my income-hence the *non-refundable* deposit.

If a gentlemen does not agree to submit the deposit, I simply won’t take his booking. And if a gentleman is gun-shy because he’s been ripped off before by some unscrupulous WG or read several accounts of such happenings on the online forums, I do understand, but I still won’t take the booking, so no one wins in that situation.

I strongly urge any and all clients who were the victims of theft in sex industry to report the incidents to the police and take active steps to recover your money and/or have the perpetrator prosecuted or at very least outed. This is not acceptable and it is not at all the norm for sex industry and millions of honest providers.

However, sometimes the clients are the ones who decide to get “clever”.  This may end in various degrees of unpleasantness.
Below is *true* account of an incident that occurred in NZ within the last 30 days. I stress that this is not something that’s happened to me, but to one of my fellow WGs.

A very polite and proper sounding guy with somewhat “posh” (elocution lessons?) accent attempted to book a WG for 4 days (their schedules just didn’t match) and had finally secured a booking.

He presented looking nice in a casual corporate sort of way, was soft spoken and pleasant. Few minutes after his arrival he was absolutely dismayed and seemingly embarrassed to realise that in his haste he forgot to withdraw the cash necessary for the booking from the ATM.
WG, being the consummate professional that she is, agreed to proceed with the booking on the condition that money would be transferred to her account the next day.

I stress that quite a few WGs simply would show him the door and ask to come back with the full amount, but she felt that he was a respectable adult and took his word.
The booking went on without a hitch, both parties visibly enjoying themselves. The guy heaped compliments on the girl and thank her profusely before leaving promising that the funds will be in her account the next day.

The next day had arrived… And the next… And the day after... But no money in her account and no communication from the guy. Her texts went unanswered.

Well, being decidedly NOT a stupid bimbo, but rather well-educated and well-rounded person she turned to the Internet, or more specifically to it’s various (and plentiful) search facilities.
What she had uncovered was a wealth of information (all public, open for all to see) about the guy.
She contacted him via PM system of one of his (many) social media accounts (which featured his occupation, employer, face photo, info about his family, etc.) and politely reminded him that the bill was well overdue.
He paid promptly after receiving the message.

I stress that this was not in any shape or form stalking or blackmailing situation: the guy received the services in full, agreed to pay and then simply decided not to. This was a simple act of following up in order to receive the money due: every business does this every day.

What really offended me in this whole scenario is that the guy clearly thought the WG was some stupid bimbo, gave her no credit for any intelligence and felt he could get away with it. Pffft… I guess she showed him J

Unfortunately, occurrences like that (although infrequent) breed distrust and spoil it for the *good and honest* majority.

I’ve read several blogs where clients state they prefer girls didn’t count money in front of them, but once a trust is gone, it’s very hard to go back to sweet and innocent ways.
Throughout my career I’ve had few instances where I was “taken” in a similar way as in the story above and other times where guys tried to give me bills that were folded/bundled together and upon careful inspection the amount turned out to be less than agreed upon/clearly advertised.

Boys and girls, treat others the way you want to be treated yourselves: karma is a bitch and she will get you ;)