Monday, July 27, 2015

Insidious nature of some online sex industry forum comments

Online sex industry forums are the reality of life. They are everywhere. They have changed the landscape of sex industry forever.

Many a blog post have been written on the subject (here are a couple):

This post is about insidious comments which pop up intermittently. These could be authored by both clients and WGs, as we are all humans and sometimes a slight (whether real or imagined) cause us to retaliate.
I saw this post a couple of days ago:
About a year ago, I approached a lady (albeit from another part of NZ) by text for a booking after doing some well thought out research. She would have been in the complete opposite situation to you - she was experienced and well-reviewed on here. I was up front and honest by saying I was a member of AF and to my surprise, she didn't think she would live up to my expectations and pretty much turned me down without the chance of a booking. I was absolutely astounded and also ruined my perception of this lady. She had a similar view where she wasn't keen on having her abilities and prowess plastered over a forum, which ironically gave her a decent reputation. Because I didn't get a chance to book, I was more than happy to discuss the option of not reviewing her to make her feel comfortable. I'll never know now.. and yes she still advertises on NZG. Go figure.

This post was not about me or directed at me, but I can venture an educated guess as to who the guy was talking about. That particular WG is my friend and I feel compelled to provide some background for this.
While not telling un-truths, the guy is twisting facts just a bit to suit his agenda.

First of all, the lady in question was around long before the forum was a twinkle in its Daddy’s eye (literally). She worked hard to build her reputation by providing a consistent and outstanding service and was well-known around these parts and highly sought after (via word of the mouth, as the custom was before internet forums). So it was not a forum that “gave her a decent reputation”, but her integrity.

When the forum came to be, this lady made an executive decision to never be part of it for various reasons, one of them being “she wasn't keen on having her abilities and prowess plastered over a forum”.

 She is extremely intelligent and knew that opting for “no review” list (DND-“Do Not Discuss”) might affect her business adversely, so remained open to reviews, but made it clear to her clients that she’d rather her name wasn’t brought up on the forum. I stress that she didn’t go on DND, which means that if someone wanted to post a review about her (good or bad) they were ultimately free to do so.
Most of her clients really appreciated her service and wanted to continue to partake in it, so they respected her wishes.
Some new clients didn’t know about her desire to stay away from the forum’s spotlight so some reviews of her (all glowing) did appear.

However, every time someone written a review, there would be a follow-up post by one of this WG’s regular clients jokingly saying that she may not want to see OP again after that (posting a review).

So… Someone who claims to have done a “well thought out research” (read “searched the forum for reviews”) would certainly see these comments (there were plenty) and get the idea.
If this person genuinely wanted to experience her service and enjoy her company, he would simply book her as “John Doe”, never mention the forum and never review her.
His claim that he “was up front and honest by saying I was a member of AF makes me wonder-why was it necessary?
He claims “I was more than happy to discuss the option of not reviewing her to make her feel comfortable”.
But why should it even be a subject of discussion? Generally, someone pays an escort to enjoy her/his company, intimacy and sex, NOT with a singular purpose to review said escort.
Sure, if you got ripped off or the service was terrible, review away, but this particular lady had fantastic feedback and the guy claimed to research her extensively (and the assumption is, he chose her because she was pretty much a “sure bet”).

I can totally understand why the girl turned him down: guys who bring up their forum membership right away during initial inquiry are often aiming to get free extras: like substantial extra free time in a booking or services not advertised or promoted by a particular WG, etc. (read the linked blog posts above for more examples).

I know no one likes to be rejected. I don’t-it’s not a good feeling. Not at all. So I do understand why this guy felt slighted. However, as he is a clever and educated man (judging by his very carefully crafted post), I would also expect him to reflect on that exchange and realise why the rejection happened in the first place.
Yet a year later, he still tries to throw a pot shot at the girl. While his post appears neutral on the surface, it clearly has a negative connotation. His comment “this ruined my perception of this lady” clearly infers negativity in the context he provided.
I stress that he had never met this lady and never wasted any time or money.

While I understand his feelings on some level, I also expect some sort of level thinking from people before they place posts on the forums that can effect someone’s reputation and income.

For instance, about 3 years ago a guy contacted me asking for a 3 hr booking. He claimed that he had seen me twice while I worked for an agency in another city. While I am not disputing his claim (it was a very busy agency), I couldn’t for the life of me remember him.
While he was nice enough, during the intercourse he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled really hard and at length (not just a quick yank). It was so hard that it drew tears. When he finally let go, his hand came away with more than a couple of my hairs in it.
Later he commented on how I “could take a good hair pull” and how “not many girls could”.
During the second round he repeated the exercise with even more force.
Apart from this episode, the rest of the booking was fine.
I am pretty sure he didn’t attempt this during his previous appointments with me at the agency (I would certainly have remembered)-one of the reasons being that agency had thin walls and doors and at least 4-5 people present at all times.
I also know that he didn’t engage in this behaviour with some other girls that he booked (I’ve talked to some of them). So either he thought I could take it because I was a strong person, or he got a word about my commitment to providing excellent service (I stress that I do not tolerate obvious and deliberate abuse, but do endure some things for the sake of providing a service-the difference is subtle, but it is there), or he just wanted to take his frustrations out on me-I will never know.
What I do know is that I did not “blacklist” him to other girls and I certainly did not blasted him on the forum. Upon careful reflection I came to the conclusion that the behaviour had to do with me specifically and was not systematic. I also own up to the fact that I could have made a fuss about it when it was happening (I didn’t for various reasons, him being a forum member not the least of them), so I felt I couldn’t in all honesty berate him publicly when I didn’t address it in private first.
I do expect similar consideration from others.

These kinds of insidious posts are not symptomatic only as punter/WG interaction. Some WGs engage in clever putting down of other WGs under the guise of either “support” or “expressing their general opinion” about various subjects. I can never understand why girls do this, but human soul is a mystery.
While I let this types of posts slide, I don’t want people to think that they go unnoticed. And I have a very good memory :).

You know what they say: treat other the way you want to be treated yourself and world will be a kinder place.

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Ode to regulars

I think every sex worker who’s been in business for any considerable length of time understands the value of regulars (clients who want to see her/him again and again).

Regulars come in different varieties: it could be someone who asks for a standing weekly appointment on the same day and time after a few visits, someone who books you repeatedly every few weeks or even someone who might only see you 3-4 times a year.

Very seldom does a client want to see just one WG exclusively-after all, it’s not a marriage. But often once a guy finds several girls that tick all the boxes, he establishes a “rotation”: he sees them all on a regular basis. This provides him with the variety which is so appealing to many but also ensures that his hard-earned money won’t be wasted and the booking is guaranteed to be pleasant and enjoyable.

Clients who become regulars are different from “hobbyists”-guys who want to book every new girl from every escort directory they can find (sometimes the more obscure, the better) just so they can write a review about it on one of the many sex review boards that are seemingly everywhere these days. Although hobbyists often say in their reviews that they “will definitely return” to the girl being reviewed, they seldom do-it’s all about the next thing for them.
Consequently, they often get burned: subpar service or even outright fraud.

From the provider’s point of view, regulars are a welcome oasis of calm and certainty. Being an escort usually means that you never know what awaits you on the other side of the door. No amount of pre-screening could give you a full understanding of what the client is going to be like in the room or in bed.

You have to be “on” all the time with new clients, constantly selling yourself, trying to gauge what it is that floats their boat, while trying to keep yourself safe.

Some men are notoriously bad at expressing even the simplest of wishes. For instance, in NZ anal play seems to be in great demand, but very few ask for it outright. Instead, they stay silent and either gyrate their bum when you’re giving them a BJ in hopes that you’d somehow read their mind or stick their finger up your bum, hoping you’ll return the favor.

Trouble with those strategies is that:

A)     Many guys would be turned off and greatly displeased if an escort just showed their finger up their ass and it will ruin the mood and possibly the entire booking (so I don’t recommend ever doing this unsolicited)
B)     Many girls (myself included) absolutely hate their ass penetrated in any way or fashion and don’t take to this kindly (see the above for possible outcome)

Sex service providers by definition provide services related to sex, so it’s perfectly OK to ask for whatever it is you like when inquiring about a booking: some may agree to do certain acts, others may decline, but at least you (a client) won’t be wasting your money by booking someone and not getting everything you wanted out of the booking.

Anyway, back to the regulars: they are a welcome relief from the stressful guesswork. With them a WG can relax a little because she knows how the booking is likely to go, what the client likes and his expectations. Both parties are a lot more relaxed and that alone can often make or break a booking.
Besides, it is always good to know at the start of the week what minimum amount you can expect to earn-that’s where standing regulars come in.

Regulars should be treasured and cultivated. It won’t do for an escort to get complacent with her regulars and let service standards slip. In fact, if anything, she should be trying a bit harder with them.
By this I don’t mean offering unprotected services or discounts, either. It has more to do with the overall effort: remembering what’s going on in their lives and asking about it, reading books they’ve mentioned, playing the music they like, cater the entire booking in the format they prefer.

Having said that, loyalty programs are not a bad way to keep your regulars happy. For instance, I have a loyalty program that involves a substantial discount for client’s third visit within the same calendar month and special rates for my weekly standing clients. I must add that my weekly standing clients never miss an appointment and in a *very rare* case they have to re-schedule, they do so within the same week.

I also give nice presents to my regulars for Christmas and their birthday and in some cases (when I know for a fact the client is single), I have given them presents for their mothers on Mother’s Day.
I had also accompanied some of my very best regulars to various social functions free of charge-to show that I truly appreciate their patronage and it’s not all about money.

If a client is single, it is a good idea to email/text him occasionally between the appointments, especially when you know they have a stressful job or their health is not 100%. This shows that you genuinely care and they are not just dollar signs for you.

That said, guys who say things like “If I like you, I’ll be your regular” at the first inquiry before you even met them should be treated with a great degree of caution: seldom these are genuine, but rather low-ballers.

If you decide to negotiate a special rate with someone from the very first meeting, make sure you outline the parameters very clearly. Explain the special rate you are giving them is based on *whatever* factors/criteria (could be frequency of visits and duration, specific sex acts, etc.) and if this criteria is not met, what the consequences would be: you will not see the client again, the price will revert to your current published rates, etc.
Make sure you are prepared to stick to your guns and follow through with everything that you’ve said: many guys enjoy testing/pushing boundaries because for them it’s just a game, while for you it is a job and your livelihood depends on it.

Not all regulars are easy-some require quite a bit of work. But the payoff is still worth it: certainty, and not having to worry about your safety.

Regulars are our bread and butter and I, for one, cherish mine. Under no circumstances will I compromise one of my regular’s booking: I won’t schedule anyone too close to it and I certainly would never cancel on a regular, no matter how lucrative the other booking might be.

I urge WGs to always remember the big picture: how much money did this person spend with you over the time? How much will he spend in the future if you continue to make him happy? Will one-time income of $500 (or whatever) today make up for that amount if you lose this regular?

I think you know the answer.

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Goods for services

Occasionally every WG gets asked if she would exchange her services for goods (vs. cash).

Consumers have to understand that every sex worker is different: some do this work to supplement their income or pay for their studies, other do it as an occasional hobby while others still do it as a career. Some have spouses/partners who are not aware of how their GF/wife makes $$ or even when they do, they frown upon gifts, as to them it seems a lot more personal (even if it’s not at all the case).
So the attitudes towards goods vs. cash for services are greatly affected by the above.
After all, one cannot pay for their groceries or rent with a Rolex watch, no matter how nice or expensive it happens to be.

Personally I am financially secure and not cash poor, so occasional “goods for services” swap is not out of the question. BUT… It very much depends on what you are offering, its value and, the most important of all, the value of it to ME (which may vary greatly from its actual value).
Let me illustrate with some examples.

A great flat-screen TV which you no longer need (because you just bought the latest Samsung curve-screen HDTV) is, in all fairness, a good value-when one needs it. I would have no use for it or even a space to put it in, so that’s zero value to me.

Same with your old (er) IPad or IPhone: while there is definitely a significant market value attached to those, I simply don’t use Apple products.

There are things I do need, use and appreciate. For instance, I would gladly accept a grocery store voucher (equal to my fee)-as it is something I can use regularly. What’s the difference, you ask?
Well, the voucher could be charged to EFTPS or Credit Card (while I only accept cash) and food purchase could also be easily explained if a client gets caught by his partner. If nothing else, you can say that you bought some food for a Charity drive at work ;).

I enjoy travelling, so vouchers to airlines (but only the ones I frequently use: Emirates, Air New Zealand, Quantas and Southwest in US are great).

Or you can purchase an entire ticket for me (destinations I’d specify on the dates I state). This option is valuable for guys who own and/or are upper management of companies with corporate travel accounts. It means they can charge the whole thing to their CC and maybe even write it off later.

Please remember that some airlines (such as Air New Zealand) charge extra for USE of the vouchers (yes, I know- a bit ridiculous). Air New Zealand charges $50 fee for this. So while I am willing to overlook this for larger amounts ($500 and higher), a $200 AirNZ voucher means that I am only getting $150 AND will also be stung by the CC fee they charge, so this has to be taken into the consideration.

Same with the hotels: I will happily accept a confirmed and paid for hotel booking (from the list of the hotels I provide on the dates specified) in lieu of payment.

I haven’t renewed my Koru membership which expired after I had returned from my last trip, so that’s an option. I do, however, have Platinum Airpoints card, which means that its (membership’s) value to ME is $380 (it’s one of the perks of having a Platinum card) and NOT $800 (or whatever the regular price is).

While I enjoy jewellery (as any woman does, I am sure), I am certainly not gunning to attain as much of it as I can. Jewellery is like a car: the value plummets the minute one takes it out of the store and re-sale value is often pennies on the dollar. So if I really like the piece, we might talk about the value that’s agreeable to both of us. Also don’t be offended if I’d want a jeweller to take a look at it. After all, there were many cases when people thought they have precious priceless heirlooms passed down for generations only to discover that the items were, in fact, fakes.

Some guys seem to think that bringing alcohol, lingerie and toys constitutes as a very nice present and should be counted towards the price of the booking. Wrong!
These are the presents for YOU…LOL.. You will drink most of the alcohol and enjoy visual stimulation from the WG wearing the lingerie and playing with toys ;). Besides, any WG worth her salt would have abundance of these items anyway.

I do accept alcohol as “goods for services” occasionally, but I will specify what it is I’d like and the total price has to match my service fees. This alcohol will NOT be consumed by us during the booking-it is for me personal use.

There are plenty of things that might be considered, of course, so every transaction needs to be discussed individually.

It goes without saying that I will be taking into the consideration how you come across overall: I certainly do NOT want to be a recipient of stolen goods, fraudulent transactions or funds pilfered unlawfully from your employer.

Hope this helps J