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Tuesday, March 3, 2015

BBBJ debacle (and also the history of DFK and DATY)

For those who are not familiar with sex industry:

BBBJ: bareback blow job-fellatio performed without a condom
DFK: deep French kissing-open mouthed kissing with lots of tongue
DATY: dining at the Y-cunnilingus-oral sex on a woman

For decades commercial sex meant just fellatio and coitus or in plain speak blow job and penetrative vaginal sex. Kissing (especially French kissing) and cunnilingus were not part of the standard services of a sex worker (prostitute), they were not expected and not offered.
In fact, even fellatio (another name for which is a French word “minette” so it was also referred to as “doing it French way”) became part of commercial sex service only in the 19th century: infamous madam Tilly Devine’s brothels were among the very first to offer this service and men flocked from far and beyond to experience it at a premium rate of $5.

This does not mean that prostitutes never kissed their clients, but it was a rarity, usually something special, volunteered by a girl for a very special client. In fact, it was common knowledge even amongst those who did not partake in the industry that hookers don’t kiss-just think of the “Pretty Woman” movie for example.

Cunnilingus slowly made its way into commercial sex industry towards the end of the 20th century: it was very occasionally requested by clients, often refused by the WGs and performed with a protective barrier (either dental dam or plain cling wrap, which is just as effective). But it hardly ever came up-it certainly was not a “thing”.

And then the Internet change entire landscape of sex industry: online forums and directories popped up everywhere, accessible with just a click of a mouse, where clients posted *often explicit* reviews of sex workers. What happened in a courtesan’s private boudoir was no longer a mystery-it was broadcast for all and sundry in every detail.

Clients who previously had very limited sphere of communication where sex services were concerned could now reach hundreds and thousands of readers.

And girls… Well, at first girls appreciated the opportunity the Internet provided them for communicating the clients directly, without the “middle man” such as agency, parlour or pimp. What they didn’t realise was just what kind of impact online forums could have on their business. Yes, in the beginning Internet provided a serious advantage to the client (playing field has evened out now, though ;))

Please don’t misunderstand me: I am an advocate of raising industry standards. I support ladies who treat this job as a business and endeavour to provide the best possible service.
Some reviews provide great opportunities for all of us to lift our game by explaining what works and what doesn’t for a client and what little touches could be added to improve the experience. I am all for it: I read a lot of reviews and constantly work on improving things.

However… Men also use online industry forums to manipulate WGs. Because WGs were caught unaware at first, some of these tactics were successful.

Prime example: DATY and DFK very quickly became part of a standard service.

It all started seemingly innocuous: some guy would post a rave review about a WG who kissed him passionately and/or allowed cunnilingus. Some of it was really nothing more than bragging: as I’ve mentioned before these services used to be quite rare and men wanted to present themselves as “special” to their peers.
Then another guy would post a similar review, then another… Others started to think that they were missing out, being short-changed or have not received the value for money when they didn’t get these services.
Even guys who had zero interest in cunnilingus before (whether in private life or in commercial setting) suddenly wanted this service. Before long comments such as “I would only see girls who offer DATY and DFK” and “I won’t see girls who don’t offer DATY and DFK” started popping up.

It is a common knowledge that there are always WGs who are desperate for money (for whatever reason)-this industry often attracts vulnerable people due to the ability to earn fast cash. These were the first ones to respond to the forum opinions with offer of DATY and DFK (which at first were considered “extras” and incurred additional charges).
Other girls started experiencing decline in business (part of which had to do with more supply due to the relative ease of the Internet advertising) and felt pressured to include DFK and DATY in their service menu.
I know many (myself included) had carefully researched the risks and although they (risks) were not non-existent, the chances of contracting an STD via cunnilingus or DFK were relatively low (less than 1%).
As it became a fact that if a WG was not offering these services she would hardly make any money, most of us accepted that we have to offer these. We realised that the industry changes and evolves constantly and these were the changes we had to accept in order to remain in it successfully.
Soon after there were comments from guys on the forums about “annoying extra charges” and how they “won’t see girls who charge extra” and how “they prefer those who offer one all-inclusive price” and voila: DATY and DFK became part of the standard service for overwhelming majority of WGs.

Before those from the cheap seats jump all over me, let us be very clear: I am talking about commercial services, a job. Whether or not I enjoy something in my personal life has no bearing on the subject: it’s all about having to do something as a job requirement.
For example, a chef might truly love creating and cooking, but he sure does not “love” it when he is forced to cook dull menu dictated by the restaurant owner and at a stressful speed of 200 diners a shift to boot in order to make a living. He still wants to be a chef because he is passionate about his job, though.
Same with a computer programmer: he might love to write code and can create most amazing elegant sequences but does not “love” mind-numbingly boring project that does not challenge him that his current client has demanded. He still does it, though, because he is good at it and because client is the one paying his salary.
While I enjoy oral sex in my personal life very much (I am a lesbian), I am not overjoyed having to do it in the commercial setting with multiple strangers for several reasons: it does involve a risk (however minor) of STD and not everyone is a great (or even good) pussy-eater.
Men are very clever and manipulative: despite the fact that they are the ones who wanted DATY included in the service (some for the sole reason of boosting their own ego), they often present this as a “gift” to WGs: “Oh, let me do something for you”, “Let me spoil you”, etc.
Let’s face the facts: quite a few guys out there have no clue what they are doing where cunnilingus is concerned and they are not about to learn, either. The reason being it’s our job as a sex service providers to make clients feel good, to be welcoming and hospitable. So no WG worth her salt will tell the client his technique makes her cringe. Even those guys who say “”Tell me how you like it” often either really don’t want to hear it or revert to doing what they thing is “Ace technique that works like a charm” after a couple of seconds.
“Spoiling WG” does not mean lots of bad oral-and you can take that to the bank. But something in line of a nice tip for a job well done or a prezzie to show appreciation will work every time, though.
All of the above doesn’t mean I don’t like my job-I do, indeed and I am very good at what I do. I just don’t appreciate being forced doing more (and at greater risk) and for less money, too.
Here’s an example of what I mean:
Imagine you are a waiter. Doing a good job, making money, life is chugging along. Suddenly you are informed that according to the new professional standards you are required to wash dishes in addition to waiting on tables while your salary remains the same. In order to keep your job and continue to make money you either have to accept this or quit. Trouble is, the entire hospo industry has now accepted this standard, so changing the employer would not make any difference.

You accept this and continue. But now there is a new requirement that is looming ahead: you will have to clean the toilets as well! In addition to waiting on tables and washing dishes. And you remuneration is actually going to be less. Again, this is proposed as across the board industry standard. 

Well, you dig your heels. You speak out against it. But what's the big deal, the management asks: you already washing the dishes, it's not a huge leap to cleaning the toilets from there. But it is! And you refuse to do it.

However, there are always people who (for various reasons) are absolutely desperate for money and they are prepared to do whatever to get it. So you find yourself in one camp and those people in the other. You never wanted this and you don't want to tell others how to live your life, but you like your job and don't want to quit it just because someone pushes something on you.


And this brings me to BBBJ. Now that men had successfully manipulated WGs into DATY and DFK, they’’ve started lobbying (using the same tried and true forum tactics) for BBBJ.
Their argument? “Well, you offer DATY, so what’s the difference”?

First of all, I resent the fact that my complying with their demands and including the services they so desperately wanted (DFK and DATY) is being thrown in my face in order to manipulate me.
Secondly, BBBJ carries far greater risks-yes, for WGs first and foremost (but we are all adults and as such our own keepers: if I don’t look after myself, no one will) but for clients as well.

Main issue is the fact that men are notorious procrastinators: even when they know that something is not right, they still won’t go to the doctor, hoping it will blow over somehow. They are also well-known for seeking services of sex workers while infected with STD. The testament to this are many, many service refusals after visual health check required by law in Australian brothels.

Girl, on the other hand (especially WGs) check their “money maker” daily visually and get tested regularly. Yes, of course there are exceptions, but as a rule this holds true.
Placing anywhere between 2 to 10 uncovered penises on a daily basis in one’s mouth skyrockets one’s chances of contracting something nasty.

Yes, yes, I know-“back in the day” prostitutes provided ALL services uncovered.
They also got infected with STDs on a regular basis-hence fairly short “shelf life”. And that old song about antibiotics easily curing everything is no longer true: still no cure for AIDs and HIV (which did not exist in the “good old days”) and there are multiple strings of antibiotics resistant bacteria thriving these days as well. So the gonorrhoea you picked up (possibly from some girl’s throat while she was sucking you bare) may just stay with you for life.

I know some WGs offer BBBJ. In some places (like Australia) it all happened just like it did with DATY and DFK: men manipulated public opinion and it became a standard. Girls don’t do it because they want to-they feel they have to. The choice was taken away from them.

I know many guys say that a WG “just did it” without them asking-quite possible. But she did so because she thought that’s what the man wanted and that’s what would please him-due to many online comments.

I truly don’t care what others do. All I care about is my own health and well-being. And I will continue speak out against BBBJ becoming a standard service. I don’t care if it’s legal or not: it is illegal in NZ and Australia currently, but even if it’s suddenly becomes legal, I won’t be offering it.
The day it becomes a standard would be the day I leave the industry. But why should I be forced to? I’ve made countless men happy, I’ve made a difference to so many lives, why should I quit the job I love because I was being forced into jeopardising my health?

Discussions about BBBJ sprouted out on the forums recently (yet again). Some of the comments from the guys were about WG needing to provide “safe environment”.
I agree fully. However, in some cases one can only lead a horse to the water, but can’t make the horse drink it. On my nightstand next to my bed I have a very prominently displayed box with several dozen condoms (in 3 different sizes), a big bottle of lube and a pack of dental dams (flavoured). I also have a roll of cling wrap. ALL of these items are clearly visible to all clients the moment they walk into my bedroom. However, I only had one client in the last 2 years use a dental dam during the cunnilingus (and he actually brought his own). I do not force clients to use them due to the reasons I’ve outlined above: I will no longer be competitive in the industry. A testament to this are many guy’s comments on the forum about dental dams tasting “like rubber” and not planning a repeat visit to girls who insist on those.
So, yes, I do indeed provide a safe environment. However, not all clients chose to partake in it to the full extend.
When men get going on the whole issue of dental dams and DATY while trying to oppose “anti-naked-cock-sucking” sentiments, I can never understand what is it they want.
Do you not want to partake in it (DATY)? Then by all means don’t. No WG will insist on it, that’s for sure.
You want a DD? Ask for it. And refuse the booking if one is not supplied.
It is really a no-brainer to me: if you stop requesting certain services, they won’t be offered. WGs don’t force their vaginas (or mouths) on client’s faces.

And please, let’s not start on “lazy hookers”: laying on your back having your pussy licked is not hard work. Vigorously fucking would be much harder, so it’s not about us being lazy: rather it’s about men wanting to get their way and twisting and manipulating in order to achieve it.

Thank God there are many sane and responsible clients who wouldn’t dream about having uncovered sex and would actively avoid girls who are known to offer it. Public opinion re. BBBJ seems to slowly change as well (markedly in Australia as of late). Instead of asking which girls provide this service, guys are starting to ask which don’t and how to ask politely for cover when BBBJ is a standard service.

While many WGs will continue offer it and many guys will seek it, I don’t want WG feel that they have no choice. We do.
Don’t let anyone pressure you into something you don’t want to do, especially unsafe sex. If you provide great overall service, you will enjoy steady repeat business.

Just recently, when I was in US, a guy booked me through www.Preferred411.com. That site does not allow explicit description of sex services. The guy asked me via private email for my “activity list” and I just directed him to my personal website.
He had never asked explicitly for BBBJ.
I arrived at his place and we had a nice chat, then proceeded to have some fun. When time came for me to play with his penis, I covered it and he was surprised: “Oh, you don’t offer bareback BJ? What’s up with that”? I chose not to make an issue and just proceeded with CBJ. We had some great sex in various positions and when we were done, we chatted for a while. Suddenly, he asked me if I was in a hurry. I wasn’t and he offered me another $100 to go to dinner with him. I agreed.
As we were talking later he told me that he wouldn’t have booked me if he knew I was only offering CBJ, but he was so glad that he did. He said he truly enjoyed my company and service.
To me that was the greatest compliment: generally guys would say just about anything when they are horny and want sex, but once they’ve cum, it’s all gone. The fact that someone wanted to spend time with me (and pay for it) while fully clothed without any sexual context AFTER they have had sex is a testament to the level of service I provide.

The proof is in the pudding.

2 comments:

  1. The following comment was submitted to me via email, so this is copy and paste. As the comment is longer than blogger allows, I have broken it down in sections over several comment entries:

    Reciprocity between Client and Provider within the Human Community



    This is not just a history, a health and safety lecture, economic systems, description of work, human rights inquiry, a dialogue about service to another human being or personal story highlighting all of these. It's more than a collection of essays. It's a compilation of thought about how we are in support of each as an effort to achieve common well-being within the human community.



    One thread that runs through your work, Yana is the well-being of people. I am trying here to understand your meaning by exploring public health as it relates to reciprocity between provider and client within the greater human community.



    I hear this in this post most distinctly when you say, "I’ve made a difference to so many lives, why should I quit the job I love because I was being forced into jeopardizing my health?" What this says to me; and this is a guess, so I want to check with you Yana is that commercial sex is a public health endeavor to provide for the well-being of people as community, just as having shelter, safety-companionship, food, as being in communion with others for our well-being. That sex is a human need, and like other aspects of communion - it is at least as blessed to give as to receive.



    While commercial sex takes place in a cash market it really is not about trading potatoes for iron ore. Sex occurs within and between human beings and we can also be expressed tangentially in communion within the greater human community.



    As understand your hypothesis want and expect in commercial sex has changed over the years and consequently workers are driven by market forces to accept more dangerous working conditions more work (provide more services) less for less pay. You said, "It is a common knowledge that there are always WGs who are desperate for money (for whatever reason)-this industry often attracts vulnerable people due to the ability to earn fast cash." In economic terms desperate WGs may acutely mean "competitive advantage" and thus good for everyone in the human community. Are you asking if unrestrained commercial sex market forces are good for our collective well-being and our public health?

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  2. If sex is an act of public health as in fulfilling a human need, what I hear you asking is how we understand and engage in sex should be matter of public health as well. The question is, Is the community is protected from danger whether sex is mutually expressive or commercial? Commercial sex is different than mutually expressive sex in that it is all about the satisfaction of one party; it's about then not the both of us. But is it really?



    As a "service", "pay for play", sense it is about them and only about them. Machiavellian capitalism has difficulty in distinguishing between iron ore and human beings. A purchaser of sexual services does not buy a provider as a sack of potatoes.



    If providing and receiving sex meets basic human needs and therefore is a mental and physical public health imperative. It is also imperative that these engagements not only satisfy the public health requirement for sex but also for the mental, physical and financial well-being of both parties to ensure they can contribute fully to the greater human community. Oh pathogen safety - barrier prevention of transmitting disease that can kill is just another expression promoting well-being for each human community member as it strengthens us as a society.



    Your safety is my safety - My safety is your safety. My spending is your income and your spending is my income. My mental health is the well-being of your community - The community's mental health is my mental health. Just because it's commercial sex, geared toward the satisfaction of one party does not negate the human needs of all to live healthily in community.



    Whether it is commercial sex or not for one individual to use their power to harm any member of the community is an act of violence against the entire human community. There's a similar problem where individuals are using religious power to avoid universal vaccination, which puts millions within the human community (infants, cancer patients) at risk of horrible consequences and death form preventable disease.



    I hear you saying just because sex is traded for money does not give either party carte blanche (Libertarian's freedom, Conservative's individualism, unrestrained economic systems capitalist or communist) to use market forces to curtail the well-being of another human being. There is no justification to jeopardize the well being of another human because to do so jeopardizes the well being of us all.

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