Sunday, November 29, 2015
Wednesday, October 7, 2015
From the very early age we all learn from our experiences: as a toddler, we touch the fire or a burning stove and learn that it causes *lasting* pain, so we don’t do it again (at least not deliberately).
As a 4-year old we run to a boy/girl on the playground we have a crush on the minute we realise we have that crush in an attempt to give them a hug and declare our love only to be pushed away and end up with our bum buried in the sand in the sandbox while other kids point and laugh.
So we learn to be careful about professing our love and investigate the situation first to make sure it’s likely to be reciprocated.
First time we are out playing in the snow by ourselves, we wonder what it’d be like to lick that frozen metal pole-we soon find out it’s no fun at all. So we learn to avoid this particular experiment in the future.
As we grow older, our experiences get more complex and with more serious consequences. We also discover that we can learn from the experiences of others: good or bad.
In fact, it doesn’t take us long to realize that a smarter way is to learn from other’s bad experiences in order to avoid the pain altogether. It doesn’t always work out that way, but we try.
These days with internet everywhere and everyone having various devices on hand this “learning from others experience” is literally at one’s fingertips whenever they wish.
A good example of this is TripAdvisor: those who spend time doing their research end up saving time, money and often spare themselves needless stress.
Now that I gave a bit of a context and set up the scene, let me get on with the actual point of my post.
The question: whether to pay a commercial sex provider before or after the booking.
I know, I say it a lot, but the answer is: it really all depends on various circumstances. Moreover, despite what some might assume, different people (BOTH men and women) have polar opposite opinions on the subject.
I’ll try and present various opinions objectively and let the reader ponder the question and hopefully make an informed decision in their future transactions.
I’ll start with the obvious: our service is unique. It has a great value when the client is horny, hot and bothered and can’t wait for the release. This value declines rapidly once the client had ejaculated.
As a result, some people tend to try and re-neg the original agreement or even refuse the payment altogether. No, not every one of course, but it is not a rare occurrence, either.
There are plenty of genuinely nice guys who would never think of doing the above, however. .
Some of them appreciate it when the payment is left until the very end. However, for others it’s actually a turn-off.
Here’s why: upon arrival these gents simply place the money somewhere (on the table usually) in plain view of an escort. Escort counts it discreetly when the client is not watching (when either one of them in the shower, for example).
The fun and games commence and, as we all know, dopamine (the reward chemical) is released by the brain and this pretty much obliterates all the memories of placing that envelope on the table in the first place.
Good-byes are said with genuine sincerity at the end of the appointment, hugs and kisses are given along with wishes of “safe travels” or “”enjoy your day” and the guy leaves on the high note, full of dopamine, almost feeling like he just been with a lover.
If he left paying till the end, it abruptly jerks him back into reality, reminding him that all of this is just “pretend” and very much a business transaction. This "rude awakening" is compounded by the fact that at that stage money really has to be counted right then and there (more on that below) and there is no way to do it discreetly.
You can see why some guys really do prefer to get “the paperwork” out of the way right at the start.
There were also several documented (on online sex industry forums) cases of guys being approached in the hotel bars/casinos by what looked like “regular” (as in NON-sex worker) girls/women and flirting up a storm, going up in the room with them and having sex. And THEN asking for a payment. I stress that in ALL (100%) of the reported cases men did NOT like that approach at all.
The reactions described ranged from “unpleasantly surprised and feeling duped” (despite admitting in several cases that the sex was great while it was happening to “absolutely devastated” and “losing all confidence”.
On the surface it might look ideal: the guy truly feels like it’s an unexpected affair and only pays in the end, but reality is very much different, apparently.
Here's one of such accounts: http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?47982-Interestng-story&highlight=hotel+bar
(Side note: I most definitely do NOT recommend this approach as a strategy to any working girl, even amateur: you might end up in a very bad situation and even get hurt, not to mention never get paid).
There are guys out there who constantly attempt to cheat and short change escorts. Tricks vary, but here are some common ones:
-Using smaller bills and folding them, so the pack feels thick, while in fact it does not contain a full payment
-Using many bills of different denominations and placing very small denomination bills (like $5 or $10) in the middle of the fold that consists of $20 and $100 bills otherwise, thus shorting the escort part of her fee
-Filling an envelope with pieces of paper instead of money and sealing it in hopes that escort would not discover the contents until the client is long gone
-Trying to push for the payment after the service, then (after he shagged the escort nice and proper and ejaculated) finding non-existing faults with the service and asking for discount
-Trying to push the payment for after the service, then acting extremely surprised, embarrassed even, making a big production of emptying their wallet and claiming to be $20 (or whatever, some attempted $100) short and promising to bring it back later (of course never happens)
-Trying to push the payment for after the service, then performing the above theatrics claiming to have forgotten THE ENTIRE wallet. Variation of this scam is “forgot the wallet in the car”. Of course neither punter nor money are seen ever again.
-Trying to get the escort to believe that they’ve transferred the money into her account online and even producing a “receipt”. Usually a scam. Unless you live in the country with superior banking system (such as New Zealand and Australia-that’s right-NOT USA, their banking is still lagging behind) and you can actually see the money in YOUR account when YOU logged into it from YOUR device, then don’t go for it. Whatever they show you on THEIR device that concerns THEIR account is immaterial.
-Guys who make initial inquiries/appointments using ambiguous language, such as “I want to catch up”, “Let’s get together”, wanting to “hook up””, “Want to come over?” (for an outcall request), then “get to it” straight from the door, not letting the escort say much and then, when they’ve had their fun and the escort asks for her fee, feigning innocence and claiming they thought they were on a real date and citing the very inquiries they’ve made: I told I just wanted to hook up, I don’t want to/never have to pay for it. I thought you just wanted some good fun outside of work.
Then there are those guys who just try it on and see if it works. Like the guy described in this post:
Tried to schedule the booking for 2 days (claimed busy schedule), finally arrived and (see above theatrics) claimed to “forget” to withdraw the money from ATM.
The girl agrees to go ahead with the service with the provision that he puts the money into her account the next day and, of course, this never happens: not the next day, not the week after, not even 2 weeks later. Lucky, she was able to recover her fee from him after all.
This guy is clearly a “trier” (you know what they say :”God loves a trier”): he knew that it may or may not work, but was counting on the fact that she would be thinking of the time (and opportunity cost) she wasted if she refused the booking at that stage.
Obviously, HE has plenty of spare time to dedicate to his “hobby”.
Any escort who worked for a while (even a few months) had been a victim of some variation of the scams listed above. And they learn from their experience. With online industry forums and escorts networking sites, they learn of their colleagues experiences as well (that's right, forums are two-way highways: they work for punters, but now WGs are catching up ;))
It is normal for anyone to avoid situations which bring unpleasant results. In fact, one of the definitions of madness is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result”.
So obviously prostitution being world’s oldest profession (LOTS of experience to learn from), and in the view of the above described it is a standard practice to collect the fee upfront.
But what actually happens in real life, full of variables, personalities, unique circumstances and individuals?
Yes, some girls let some regular clients they know and trust pay in the end, if they prefer. This trust is earned, however and doesn’t come easy or fast. It is also easily broken.
For instance, I've seen a particular client 3 times in a period of 2 years and he had always been absolutely lovely. So when I heard from him a couple of months ago, not only I went out of my way to accommodate his short-notice booking, but was ready when he arrived 15 min early, didn't ask for the payment upfront and didn't mind that the booking went over by half an hour.
So it was especially hurtful when I unfolded the stack of money he'd given me just before he walked out and saw that it was $20 short!
$20 dollars is not that big of a deal to me, but the way he deliberately duped me really offended me.
I didn't call or text him to confront him: if he feels he needs to do this, then it's his Karma, but I will never accept his booking again.
Sometimes escorts genuinely forget to ask for their fee upfront because they got distracted by something (conversation with a punter, something he asked for, etc.). Usually they realisze their mistake during the booking, but act all cool in hopes that they’ll get paid in the end. This could be nerve-racking, especially with first-time clients.
Sometimes both parties genuinely forget (this happens occasionally with regular clients) until the client is actually gone. This has happened to me on several occasions and my clients had always returned with the money immediately: in some cases they’ve realized their mistake before I even called them to tell them).
Sometimes the initial communication with the client instils such trust in a WG that she makes an executive decision to ask for the money in the end if the client is not offering it himself upon arrival.
Sometimes a client, although a first-time visitor for this particular WG is actually a prolific punter and has a great reputation among WGs, so she knows he is trustworthy and is not concerned about collecting the payment in the end.
And sometimes clients prefer to pay several hundred dollars to the escort in the beginning of the month and then visit her during that period using their credit: this way money does not exchange hands except for the first time (or even online) and is never mentioned-it is a nice touch, giving the feel of a true affair. They both know what her fees are, so they both aware of how much “credit” is left.
This is not a new scheme-it’s been done for years. I’ve started the “pre-paid monthly subscription” package recently myself http://neondoll.co.nz/yanatherussiancourtesan/packages/ and was actually very *pleasantly* surprised at how well it was received.
Which brings me to another sticky point: should these various instances be mentioned in reviews and/or on the forums?
My personal opinion (however, I clearly state that it is just an opinion and I am most definitely not an oracle of gospel truth) is: NO.
The reason: online forums had been used by some guys in the past to promote certain ideas/ways of doing business/services and creating a public opinion in their favour. Please read more (and specific examples) in this post:
If people start talking about how nice it is to be able to pay escorts in the end, some will take it and run with it.
It will not take long for this to be forced on ALL escorts: first several guys will say how nice it is, and some others will support them, then they will start singing praises to the girls who do it and try to decry those who don’t. Then they will start talking about “choosing not to book escorts who ask for the payment upfront, but rather go to the once who collect it in the end”.
Naturally, some girls who are desperate for money (there are always some) will start putting it in their ads and promotions: I will never ask for the money upfront.
And before you know it, escorts will have no choice but adopt the practice if they want to stay in business.
It does not take long and I am not making this up or trying to scaremonger: in the post mentioned above I’ve demonstrated how in a few short years French Kissing, DATY and the whole GFE became the required (and demanded) standard included in the service vs. something that was offered by choice (escort’s choice) to select clients only and for an additional fee.
The proof is in the pudding, my friends.
And, of course, if the practice of paying in the end will become a norm, no-goodnicks described above will just have a field day with it and will make our job decidedly more stressful, which will inevitably have a negative effect on the rest of the punters-the nice, genuine and honest ones.
In conclusion: while individual circumstances vary (sometimes greatly) in regards to the timing of the payment, and it is definitely up to the two individuals to decide what works for them, the subject is best kept private and away from public reviews and forums, I think.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
My experiences on Ashley Madison
Published August 22, 2015
So Ashley Maddison site, or rather the hacking of it and subsequent posting of private info is all over media and press ATM.
Personally, I do not condone the outing of the personal information by the hackers: it achieves no purpose except for raining havoc and misery on many people (some of whom are the very victims the hackers wanted to champion the cause for, supposedly).
But this blog about something else.
I joined AM because one of my fellow WG was a member and she claimed she had a certain rate of success with guys on it: as in generating business. It sounded to me as the site was similar to the “Seeking Arrangement” and “Sugar Daddy” site (I’ve written about my experiences on those here http://neondoll.co.nz/yanatherussiancourtesan/2012/12/03/seeking-arrangement/http://neondoll.co.nz/yanatherussiancourtesan/2012/12/03/seeking-arrangement/
Here’s what I found out.
It became very clear that in New Zealand (I can’t speak for other countries) men generally join any and all sites where one can procure sex.
They don’t seem understand (or simply don’t care) that while some sites are designed for people who genuinely want to meet someone for a romantic/intimate relationship (and possible marriage)-such as Findsomeone, others are dedicated to arrangements (where some sort of material token of appreciation is involved in exchange for intimacy).
I say this confidently, as I see the same guys on ALL sites. Some of them at least try to change their profiles slightly, while others just can’t be bothered.
Generally speaking, from my personal exchanges and from those of my girlfriends, the overwhelming majority of the guys are looking for free sex while offering very little or nothing in exchange. This is true for “dating” sites, where they pretend to be single and looking for a long-term relationship and for “arrangement” sites where they pretend to be genuine sugar daddies.
But let’s focus on Ashley Madison and my experience on it in NZ.
We’ll start with a tag line: Life is short, have an affair. OK, so presumably two people who are already involved with partners/spouses want to blow off some steam and have a discreet NSA romp in the sack now and then. Cool.
I’ve had genuine affairs in the past-not as part of my working persona, but in real life, as my real self.
Once I was madly in love with a married man, whose marriage was sexless, but who was dedicated to his family (wife and four kids of various ages). He was not at all wealthy, just very average middle class and all his earnings were going home.
As I was single and earned a very good income, I took it upon myself to take care of all the financial aspects of the affair.
I explained above to give some context to what I am about to say: I speak from experience and know what I am talking about, rather than guessing: affairs cost money.
First and foremost, the premises to have the tryst.
Hotels are not exactly cheap and you certainly don’t want to go to a complete dump where you and your paramour would feel unsafe and/or disgusted to touch anything let alone lay on the bedding butt naked.
In Auckland, an average decent hotel will cost min $130, but realistically more like $180-$250.
It is unrealistic to expect someone to meet you on a regular basis and just fuck like rabbits. True affair involves at least some meals, wine and/or champagne and an occasional gift.
Even if you don’t do this every single time you meet, on the average this should add about $50 (min) to $100 to every meeting (I am talking total price of any and all meals/gifts divided by the number of all the meetings you two had).
Those who take their paramours on occasional out-of-town sneaky get away should add more.
Above is bare-minimum, very conservative estimate, as many people who have affairs spend hundreds and often thousands: expensive gifts (this includes gifts to the wife when they want to cover up their absence, indifference to the lack of sex or simply because they feel guilty), cost of “burner” phone (for himself and his mistress) and calling plans, rent for the mistress of one wants to set her up, mistress’s tuition/bills, car for the mistress, childcare for the mistress… The list goes on.
All that, and one constantly lives in fear of being exposed and/or blackmailed.
So… With all that in mind I joined AM. As I am not cash poor, I am not adverse to occasional exchange of goods for services (see detailed description here http://neondoll.co.nz/yanatherussiancourtesan/2015/07/09/goods-for-services/ ).
Surely, I thought, some of these guys would see the benefit of someone who:
-Has her own private and discreet place (so no $$ for the hotel and worries about cameras/credit cards, etc.)
-Is genuinely single, so no risk of HER partner finding out and causing you a lot of grief and possibly bodily harm
-Is very obviously financially secure, so would never try to rip them off and bug them with unwanted calls/texts about “rent due”, etc.
-States clearly that she has no interest whatsoever in establishing any kind of involved long-term relationship (strictly NSA).
-Is clearly independent and has her life, hence would not be a nuisance in yours.
-Is very upfront and enthusiastic about having sex with you.
All that in exchange of a token of appreciation which in some cases might cost you very little or even nothing-like transferring your Air New Zealand/Emirates/Qantas points, for instance or booking a travel that you can charge to your company’s credit card (I mean the company you yourself OWN, of course) that you can write off on taxes, just to give a few examples.
Yes, I ask for tokens that to me would equal my fee, give or take, but as evident, I offer options that are quite favourable to the guys. Especially when one considers what they would have to spend on a real affair and how much time it will take to organise. All that in conjunction with the fact that I am pretty good at making things seem like a “real date” and can seg into intimacy very smoothly: so one does get what one had paid for without it feeling like a commercial transaction, but also there is no awkwardness in the approach.
What I found was that ALL guys who contacted me on AM seriously expected sex for free. All the while they themselves had very little or nothing to offer (even in terms of looks and/or manners).
Mind, I never even replied to “winks” (of which I had hundreds within days). A guy would have to actually message me to get a response.
Some guys couldn’t even be bothered to fill out their profiles!
I have replied to some who seem genuine and was upfront about me looking for “arrangement”. While some politely declined (which is perfectly fine), others wanted to know what it is I am looking for specifically and once I let them know, their responses ranged from really crude to seriously comical (some had me in stitches on the floor for real).
Even those who supposedly accepted the premise weren’t serious about it. I’ve met several for coffee and it became very clear the only reason they wanted to meet was to hopefully talk/trick me into free sex *exasperated sigh*.
I just don’t get it. Seriously, when one is thinking of an affair, surely they don’t imagine that someone jumps their bones the minute they laid their eyes on them?
Seduction is an art and takes time, skill and, yes, money. It’s perfectly fine to want to bypass these in today’s age of super busy life, but then one should be willing to pay a *higher* price for convenience.
Don’t you think?
Saturday, August 15, 2015
I’ll start by stating clearly that I absolutely despise scam artists: of all walks of life and of both genders. Here is nothing worse than have your trust in humanity damaged or destroyed completely by some lowlife. And then people wonder why there are so many cynics around: well, they’ve been “taken” one time too many.
Escorts or rather hustlers whose con is pretending to be an escort can undo in one fell swoop months and even years of honest escorts hard work to elevate the industry from the gutter and to get rid of the stigma surrounding it. This affects all of us.
One bitten, twice shy, they say and it is especially true for the sex industry consumers. Once conned, guys tend to be very sceptical about submitting deposits for the bookings with even well-reviewed escorts.
For instance, there are situations where I simply won’t accept a bookings without a deposit:
-Multi-hour outcall bookings to remote private residences
-Spec bookings that require substantial preparation on my part
-And as of late any multi-hour bookings, as the rate of cancellations became significant.
I’d like to elaborate on that last one. I am honest about my integrity: I do not see many clients (only 1-3/day) and when I have multi-hour booking scheduled, I do not take any other bookings for that day at all in order to be fresh, rested, enthusiastic… well, present, really for the client.
So when a client cancels such booking on a short notice, he pretty much wipes out my entire day as far as earning money goes.
It seems that as of late guys book several girls in advance and then decide pretty much in the last minute who they actually going to see. While it is consumer’s prerogative, mine is to insure my income-hence the *non-refundable* deposit.
If a gentlemen does not agree to submit the deposit, I simply won’t take his booking. And if a gentleman is gun-shy because he’s been ripped off before by some unscrupulous WG or read several accounts of such happenings on the online forums, I do understand, but I still won’t take the booking, so no one wins in that situation.
I strongly urge any and all clients who were the victims of theft in sex industry to report the incidents to the police and take active steps to recover your money and/or have the perpetrator prosecuted or at very least outed. This is not acceptable and it is not at all the norm for sex industry and millions of honest providers.
However, sometimes the clients are the ones who decide to get “clever”. This may end in various degrees of unpleasantness.
Below is *true* account of an incident that occurred in NZ within the last 30 days. I stress that this is not something that’s happened to me, but to one of my fellow WGs.
A very polite and proper sounding guy with somewhat “posh” (elocution lessons?) accent attempted to book a WG for 4 days (their schedules just didn’t match) and had finally secured a booking.
He presented looking nice in a casual corporate sort of way, was soft spoken and pleasant. Few minutes after his arrival he was absolutely dismayed and seemingly embarrassed to realise that in his haste he forgot to withdraw the cash necessary for the booking from the ATM.
WG, being the consummate professional that she is, agreed to proceed with the booking on the condition that money would be transferred to her account the next day.
I stress that quite a few WGs simply would show him the door and ask to come back with the full amount, but she felt that he was a respectable adult and took his word.
The booking went on without a hitch, both parties visibly enjoying themselves. The guy heaped compliments on the girl and thank her profusely before leaving promising that the funds will be in her account the next day.
The next day had arrived… And the next… And the day after... But no money in her account and no communication from the guy. Her texts went unanswered.
Well, being decidedly NOT a stupid bimbo, but rather well-educated and well-rounded person she turned to the Internet, or more specifically to it’s various (and plentiful) search facilities.
What she had uncovered was a wealth of information (all public, open for all to see) about the guy.
She contacted him via PM system of one of his (many) social media accounts (which featured his occupation, employer, face photo, info about his family, etc.) and politely reminded him that the bill was well overdue.
He paid promptly after receiving the message.
I stress that this was not in any shape or form stalking or blackmailing situation: the guy received the services in full, agreed to pay and then simply decided not to. This was a simple act of following up in order to receive the money due: every business does this every day.
What really offended me in this whole scenario is that the guy clearly thought the WG was some stupid bimbo, gave her no credit for any intelligence and felt he could get away with it. Pffft… I guess she showed him J
Unfortunately, occurrences like that (although infrequent) breed distrust and spoil it for the *good and honest* majority.
I’ve read several blogs where clients state they prefer girls didn’t count money in front of them, but once a trust is gone, it’s very hard to go back to sweet and innocent ways.
Throughout my career I’ve had few instances where I was “taken” in a similar way as in the story above and other times where guys tried to give me bills that were folded/bundled together and upon careful inspection the amount turned out to be less than agreed upon/clearly advertised.
Boys and girls, treat others the way you want to be treated yourselves: karma is a bitch and she will get you ;)
Monday, July 27, 2015
Online sex industry forums are the reality of life. They are everywhere. They have changed the landscape of sex industry forever.
Many a blog post have been written on the subject (here are a couple):
This post is about insidious comments which pop up intermittently. These could be authored by both clients and WGs, as we are all humans and sometimes a slight (whether real or imagined) cause us to retaliate.
I saw this post a couple of days ago:
About a year ago, I approached a lady (albeit from another part of NZ) by text for a booking after doing some well thought out research. She would have been in the complete opposite situation to you - she was experienced and well-reviewed on here. I was up front and honest by saying I was a member of AF and to my surprise, she didn't think she would live up to my expectations and pretty much turned me down without the chance of a booking. I was absolutely astounded and also ruined my perception of this lady. She had a similar view where she wasn't keen on having her abilities and prowess plastered over a forum, which ironically gave her a decent reputation. Because I didn't get a chance to book, I was more than happy to discuss the option of not reviewing her to make her feel comfortable. I'll never know now.. and yes she still advertises on NZG. Go figure.
This post was not about me or directed at me, but I can venture an educated guess as to who the guy was talking about. That particular WG is my friend and I feel compelled to provide some background for this.
While not telling un-truths, the guy is twisting facts just a bit to suit his agenda.
First of all, the lady in question was around long before the forum was a twinkle in its Daddy’s eye (literally). She worked hard to build her reputation by providing a consistent and outstanding service and was well-known around these parts and highly sought after (via word of the mouth, as the custom was before internet forums). So it was not a forum that “gave her a decent reputation”, but her integrity.
When the forum came to be, this lady made an executive decision to never be part of it for various reasons, one of them being “she wasn't keen on having her abilities and prowess plastered over a forum”.
She is extremely intelligent and knew that opting for “no review” list (DND-“Do Not Discuss”) might affect her business adversely, so remained open to reviews, but made it clear to her clients that she’d rather her name wasn’t brought up on the forum. I stress that she didn’t go on DND, which means that if someone wanted to post a review about her (good or bad) they were ultimately free to do so.
Most of her clients really appreciated her service and wanted to continue to partake in it, so they respected her wishes.
Some new clients didn’t know about her desire to stay away from the forum’s spotlight so some reviews of her (all glowing) did appear.
However, every time someone written a review, there would be a follow-up post by one of this WG’s regular clients jokingly saying that she may not want to see OP again after that (posting a review).
So… Someone who claims to have done a “well thought out research” (read “searched the forum for reviews”) would certainly see these comments (there were plenty) and get the idea.
If this person genuinely wanted to experience her service and enjoy her company, he would simply book her as “John Doe”, never mention the forum and never review her.
His claim that he “was up front and honest by saying I was a member of AF makes me wonder-why was it necessary?
He claims “I was more than happy to discuss the option of not reviewing her to make her feel comfortable”.
But why should it even be a subject of discussion? Generally, someone pays an escort to enjoy her/his company, intimacy and sex, NOT with a singular purpose to review said escort.
Sure, if you got ripped off or the service was terrible, review away, but this particular lady had fantastic feedback and the guy claimed to research her extensively (and the assumption is, he chose her because she was pretty much a “sure bet”).
I can totally understand why the girl turned him down: guys who bring up their forum membership right away during initial inquiry are often aiming to get free extras: like substantial extra free time in a booking or services not advertised or promoted by a particular WG, etc. (read the linked blog posts above for more examples).
I know no one likes to be rejected. I don’t-it’s not a good feeling. Not at all. So I do understand why this guy felt slighted. However, as he is a clever and educated man (judging by his very carefully crafted post), I would also expect him to reflect on that exchange and realise why the rejection happened in the first place.
Yet a year later, he still tries to throw a pot shot at the girl. While his post appears neutral on the surface, it clearly has a negative connotation. His comment “this ruined my perception of this lady” clearly infers negativity in the context he provided.
I stress that he had never met this lady and never wasted any time or money.
While I understand his feelings on some level, I also expect some sort of level thinking from people before they place posts on the forums that can effect someone’s reputation and income.
For instance, about 3 years ago a guy contacted me asking for a 3 hr booking. He claimed that he had seen me twice while I worked for an agency in another city. While I am not disputing his claim (it was a very busy agency), I couldn’t for the life of me remember him.
While he was nice enough, during the intercourse he grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled really hard and at length (not just a quick yank). It was so hard that it drew tears. When he finally let go, his hand came away with more than a couple of my hairs in it.
Later he commented on how I “could take a good hair pull” and how “not many girls could”.
During the second round he repeated the exercise with even more force.
Apart from this episode, the rest of the booking was fine.
I am pretty sure he didn’t attempt this during his previous appointments with me at the agency (I would certainly have remembered)-one of the reasons being that agency had thin walls and doors and at least 4-5 people present at all times.
I also know that he didn’t engage in this behaviour with some other girls that he booked (I’ve talked to some of them). So either he thought I could take it because I was a strong person, or he got a word about my commitment to providing excellent service (I stress that I do not tolerate obvious and deliberate abuse, but do endure some things for the sake of providing a service-the difference is subtle, but it is there), or he just wanted to take his frustrations out on me-I will never know.
What I do know is that I did not “blacklist” him to other girls and I certainly did not blasted him on the forum. Upon careful reflection I came to the conclusion that the behaviour had to do with me specifically and was not systematic. I also own up to the fact that I could have made a fuss about it when it was happening (I didn’t for various reasons, him being a forum member not the least of them), so I felt I couldn’t in all honesty berate him publicly when I didn’t address it in private first.
I do expect similar consideration from others.
These kinds of insidious posts are not symptomatic only as punter/WG interaction. Some WGs engage in
clever putting down of other WGs under the guise of either “support” or “expressing their general opinion” about various subjects. I can never understand why girls do this, but human soul is a mystery.
While I let this types of posts slide, I don’t want people to think that they go unnoticed. And I have a very good memory :).
You know what they say: treat other the way you want to be treated yourself and world will be a kinder place.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
I think every sex worker who’s been in business for any considerable length of time understands the value of regulars (clients who want to see her/him again and again).
Regulars come in different varieties: it could be someone who asks for a standing weekly appointment on the same day and time after a few visits, someone who books you repeatedly every few weeks or even someone who might only see you 3-4 times a year.
Very seldom does a client want to see just one WG exclusively-after all, it’s not a marriage. But often once a guy finds several girls that tick all the boxes, he establishes a “rotation”: he sees them all on a regular basis. This provides him with the variety which is so appealing to many but also ensures that his hard-earned money won’t be wasted and the booking is guaranteed to be pleasant and enjoyable.
Clients who become regulars are different from “hobbyists”-guys who want to book every new girl from every escort directory they can find (sometimes the more obscure, the better) just so they can write a review about it on one of the many sex review boards that are seemingly everywhere these days. Although hobbyists often say in their reviews that they “will definitely return” to the girl being reviewed, they seldom do-it’s all about the next thing for them.
Consequently, they often get burned: subpar service or even outright fraud.
From the provider’s point of view, regulars are a welcome oasis of calm and certainty. Being an escort usually means that you never know what awaits you on the other side of the door. No amount of pre-screening could give you a full understanding of what the client is going to be like in the room or in bed.
You have to be “on” all the time with new clients, constantly selling yourself, trying to gauge what it is that floats their boat, while trying to keep yourself safe.
Some men are notoriously bad at expressing even the simplest of wishes. For instance, in NZ anal play seems to be in great demand, but very few ask for it outright. Instead, they stay silent and either gyrate their bum when you’re giving them a BJ in hopes that you’d somehow read their mind or stick their finger up your bum, hoping you’ll return the favor.
Trouble with those strategies is that:
A) Many guys would be turned off and greatly displeased if an escort just showed their finger up their ass and it will ruin the mood and possibly the entire booking (so I don’t recommend ever doing this unsolicited)
B) Many girls (myself included) absolutely hate their ass penetrated in any way or fashion and don’t take to this kindly (see the above for possible outcome)
Sex service providers by definition provide services related to sex, so it’s perfectly OK to ask for whatever it is you like when inquiring about a booking: some may agree to do certain acts, others may decline, but at least you (a client) won’t be wasting your money by booking someone and not getting everything you wanted out of the booking.
Anyway, back to the regulars: they are a welcome relief from the stressful guesswork. With them a WG can relax a little because she knows how the booking is likely to go, what the client likes and his expectations. Both parties are a lot more relaxed and that alone can often make or break a booking.
Besides, it is always good to know at the start of the week what minimum amount you can expect to earn-that’s where standing regulars come in.
Regulars should be treasured and cultivated. It won’t do for an escort to get complacent with her regulars and let service standards slip. In fact, if anything, she should be trying a bit harder with them.
By this I don’t mean offering unprotected services or discounts, either. It has more to do with the overall effort: remembering what’s going on in their lives and asking about it, reading books they’ve mentioned, playing the music they like, cater the entire booking in the format they prefer.
Having said that, loyalty programs are not a bad way to keep your regulars happy. For instance, I have a loyalty program that involves a substantial discount for client’s third visit within the same calendar month and special rates for my weekly standing clients. I must add that my weekly standing clients never miss an appointment and in a *very rare* case they have to re-schedule, they do so within the same week.
I also give nice presents to my regulars for Christmas and their birthday and in some cases (when I know for a fact the client is single), I have given them presents for their mothers on Mother’s Day.
I had also accompanied some of my very best regulars to various social functions free of charge-to show that I truly appreciate their patronage and it’s not all about money.
If a client is single, it is a good idea to email/text him occasionally between the appointments, especially when you know they have a stressful job or their health is not 100%. This shows that you genuinely care and they are not just dollar signs for you.
That said, guys who say things like “If I like you, I’ll be your regular” at the first inquiry before you even met them should be treated with a great degree of caution: seldom these are genuine, but rather low-ballers.
If you decide to negotiate a special rate with someone from the very first meeting, make sure you outline the parameters very clearly. Explain the special rate you are giving them is based on *whatever* factors/criteria (could be frequency of visits and duration, specific sex acts, etc.) and if this criteria is not met, what the consequences would be: you will not see the client again, the price will revert to your current published rates, etc.
Make sure you are prepared to stick to your guns and follow through with everything that you’ve said: many guys enjoy testing/pushing boundaries because for them it’s just a game, while for you it is a job and your livelihood depends on it.
Not all regulars are easy-some require quite a bit of work. But the payoff is still worth it: certainty, and not having to worry about your safety.
Regulars are our bread and butter and I, for one, cherish mine. Under no circumstances will I compromise one of my regular’s booking: I won’t schedule anyone too close to it and I certainly would never cancel on a regular, no matter how lucrative the other booking might be.
I urge WGs to always remember the big picture: how much money did this person spend with you over the time? How much will he spend in the future if you continue to make him happy? Will one-time income of $500 (or whatever) today make up for that amount if you lose this regular?
I think you know the answer.
Thursday, July 9, 2015
Occasionally every WG gets asked if she would exchange her services for goods (vs. cash).
Consumers have to understand that every sex worker is different: some do this work to supplement their income or pay for their studies, other do it as an occasional hobby while others still do it as a career. Some have spouses/partners who are not aware of how their GF/wife makes $$ or even when they do, they frown upon gifts, as to them it seems a lot more personal (even if it’s not at all the case).
So the attitudes towards goods vs. cash for services are greatly affected by the above.
After all, one cannot pay for their groceries or rent with a Rolex watch, no matter how nice or expensive it happens to be.
Personally I am financially secure and not cash poor, so occasional “goods for services” swap is not out of the question. BUT… It very much depends on what you are offering, its value and, the most important of all, the value of it to ME (which may vary greatly from its actual value).
Let me illustrate with some examples.
A great flat-screen TV which you no longer need (because you just bought the latest Samsung curve-screen HDTV) is, in all fairness, a good value-when one needs it. I would have no use for it or even a space to put it in, so that’s zero value to me.
Same with your old (er) IPad or IPhone: while there is definitely a significant market value attached to those, I simply don’t use Apple products.
There are things I do need, use and appreciate. For instance, I would gladly accept a grocery store voucher (equal to my fee)-as it is something I can use regularly. What’s the difference, you ask?
Well, the voucher could be charged to EFTPS or Credit Card (while I only accept cash) and food purchase could also be easily explained if a client gets caught by his partner. If nothing else, you can say that you bought some food for a Charity drive at work ;).
I enjoy travelling, so vouchers to airlines (but only the ones I frequently use: Emirates, Air New Zealand, Quantas and Southwest in US are great).
Or you can purchase an entire ticket for me (destinations I’d specify on the dates I state). This option is valuable for guys who own and/or are upper management of companies with corporate travel accounts. It means they can charge the whole thing to their CC and maybe even write it off later.
Please remember that some airlines (such as Air New Zealand) charge extra for USE of the vouchers (yes, I know- a bit ridiculous). Air New Zealand charges $50 fee for this. So while I am willing to overlook this for larger amounts ($500 and higher), a $200 AirNZ voucher means that I am only getting $150 AND will also be stung by the CC fee they charge, so this has to be taken into the consideration.
Same with the hotels: I will happily accept a confirmed and paid for hotel booking (from the list of the hotels I provide on the dates specified) in lieu of payment.
I haven’t renewed my Koru membership which expired after I had returned from my last trip, so that’s an option. I do, however, have Platinum Airpoints card, which means that its (membership’s) value to ME is $380 (it’s one of the perks of having a Platinum card) and NOT $800 (or whatever the regular price is).
While I enjoy jewellery (as any woman does, I am sure), I am certainly not gunning to attain as much of it as I can. Jewellery is like a car: the value plummets the minute one takes it out of the store and re-sale value is often pennies on the dollar. So if I really like the piece, we might talk about the value that’s agreeable to both of us. Also don’t be offended if I’d want a jeweller to take a look at it. After all, there were many cases when people thought they have precious priceless heirlooms passed down for generations only to discover that the items were, in fact, fakes.
Some guys seem to think that bringing alcohol, lingerie and toys constitutes as a very nice present and should be counted towards the price of the booking. Wrong!
These are the presents for YOU…LOL.. You will drink most of the alcohol and enjoy visual stimulation from the WG wearing the lingerie and playing with toys ;). Besides, any WG worth her salt would have abundance of these items anyway.
I do accept alcohol as “goods for services” occasionally, but I will specify what it is I’d like and the total price has to match my service fees. This alcohol will NOT be consumed by us during the booking-it is for me personal use.
There are plenty of things that might be considered, of course, so every transaction needs to be discussed individually.
It goes without saying that I will be taking into the consideration how you come across overall: I certainly do NOT want to be a recipient of stolen goods, fraudulent transactions or funds pilfered unlawfully from your employer.
Hope this helps J
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Sex worker’s ability to generate income depends on her/his looks and presentation first and foremost. One must be well-presented, well-groomed, apparently at ease and relaxed in order to command the top rates.
Personal well-being is very much connected to being organised, as many a research and study had proved.
Being organised helps you be more productive, focused on what you want to achieve, achieve more balance in your life and present more positive business image (I strongly advocate treating sex work as business and run it accordingly).
On the other hand, constant chaos creates stress and from that stems an array of issues: both physical and mental.
A good first step is to get an organiser: a proper paper/day timer one (vs. electronic). The best kind is the one that allows for enough spaces to record daily appointments (with times pre-printed on the left), but also shows you your week at a glance: on two pages. This will make it easy for you to know your availability/schedule at any given times in a matter of seconds.
I recommend highlighting different appointments with different highlighters: each category of appointment assigned a special unique colour.
For instance, highlight all your client bookings in red, personal appointments (such as hair, beauty, massage, etc.) in green, business-related appointments (such as accountant, lawyer, bank) in yellow, fitness appointments (gym, walks) in blue and entertainment (dinners with friends, movies, parties) in orange. It could be any other colour for the above-mine are just an example.
Don’t forget to block the ENTIRE time required to complete the appointment.
For example: for 1 hour booking that starts at 10 am the lines from 10a, to 11:30 am should be blocked. This way it is clear from just a glance that you can book the next appointment at 11:30am and not any time before then.
I recommend at least 30 min (that’s the absolute minimum, 45 min-1 hr is preferred) gap in-between the bookings, as this gives you enough time to shower, change, re-set the room and also allows for force majore events, such as previous client overstaying a bit or next client arriving a bit early.
It is never a good look to greet the client when you are apparently not completely ready, look stressed and are running around the room trying to set it up and/or looking for things-it comes across as unprofessional and might set of a negative cue in client’s mind.
When you open the door you should appear immaculately presented, relaxed and at ease, focused solely on the client.
Personally, I am usually completely ready about 10-15 min prior to client’s arrival-in case of him being early. I stress that I do not approve of clients doing this and definitely discourage such behaviour, but it does happen occasionally and I’d rather not look frazzled when it does.
I use these 10-15 min productively by checking/replying to my emails, reading a quick article or updating my work Twitter.
While sex business could be frustrating at times with clients asking for last-minute/short notice bookings, always keep in mind that while you can’t control other’s behaviour, you most definitely can control your life.
Make it clear in your ad and website that you prefer appointments made in advance. It is very important to develop a reputation for reliability with those: if you accept the appointment, make every effort to deliver. If you keep cancelling, you’ll acquire a reputation as “flaky and unreliable” and clients would be reluctant to book in advance, opting instead for “now” bookings as it would seem more of a sure bet to them.
Asking for advanced bookings doesn’t mean you have to miss out on occasional short notice one.
It won’t take you long to figure out your most popular/requested times. Generally speaking, around lunch (11:30-1pm) and at the end of the workday (4:30pm-5:30pm) are very popular.
Get ready in the morning and plan some activities that involve you staying put at your incall: pay bills online, answer your emails, update your website, write a blog post (if you have a blog), catch up on phone calls to family/friends, do some financial planning/investing, take an online course, book your next tour/trip, clean/tidy your premises. The possibilities are endless. This way you are spending your time productively.
However, don’t get sucked into “I must stay around in case someone calls”mentality. Decide in advance how much time you will allow for this. Generally speaking, clients who book on the day, tend to do so sometime in the morning/early afternoon. It is important for you to get on with your life as you’ve planned it.
Exercise and/or walking should be an important part of the day. It is too easy to succumb to “Oh, I need to take this booking” mentality and skip a work-out and before you know, it’s been days since you’ve exercised. And it is a big deal, as it will inevitably lead to weight gain, which triggers anxiety, which affects sleep, etc., etc., etc.-the chain is very long and unpleasant.
It is recommended that an average person takes about 10,000 steps a day. It isn’t actually that much, but it is about an hour worth of walking. I do 19,000-23,000/day, some days as many as 27,000-29,000.
While it is important to eat somewhat sensibly, I am a big advocate of MOVING. The more you move, the better. It has been proven that physical activity improves brain function and overall well-being, not to mention obvious benefits such as burning of the calories and toning the muscles. And nothing beats fresh air. I’ve noticed that I frequently get the best ideas while I am walking-usually about 45 min-1 hour into a walk.
Sometimes our work leaves us feeling tired. It is important not to confuse mental tiredness with physical tiredness. If you haven’t walked or exercised at all that day, try to make yourself do it. It is too easy to let yourself slip into comfy PJs and sit with a glass of wine in front of TV.
Sometimes when I’ve had especially trying day (mentally), I bargain with myself: I tell myself that I will only walk for a few minutes (as something is better than nothing) and then if I feel really exhausted, I would return home. Once you start walking, though, you feel better and end up doing a long walk.
Another trick is to walk in one direction (vs. circling the area) for a while, because then you would have to walk just as long to get backJ.
Circling a relatively small area while walking is a good trick if you want to capture short notice bookings: you can still get back to your incall within 5-10 min ;).
Do not let clients run your life: if you have decided on whatever activity (non-client related), don’t let them talk you into cancelling/interrupting it in order to accommodate their booking.
Also don’t succumb to “Can’t you just squeeze me in” pleas when you know you don’t have enough time-this ends badly more often than not in these days of internet forums and online reviews. While clients who ask to be “squeezed” in sound eager, they are hoping it would be done at the expense of someone else (as in another client’s time would be cut short). If you take their booking and then either appear unprepared (hair and make-up, state of the room) or rush the booking somewhat, they will cut you no slack on the review boards and you will potentially lose hundreds of dollars (could be thousands, actually) of revenue because you were swayed by this one guy’s charms/pleas or a prospect of making a quick extra couple of hundred.
Besides, the more you let other people dictate your schedule, the more chaotic your life would be. You’d feel as if you have no control and this leads to various *bigger* problems.
Developing good screening techniques will help you to weed out most of the timewasters/time-blockers and no-shows, but unfortunately no screening is 100% fool-proof. Timewasters and their ilk are very much a reality of the sex industry. They happen.
Still, you should stay in control. If you have a no-show or a last-minute cancellation, do not try to restructure your entire day because of it. Stick with your schedule. Use the unexpected opening to do a quick walk, read a book, do some chores, etc.
I do not re-schedule my clients under any circumstances (e.g. I would not be contacting clients asking them to move the time of their booking because I’ve had a cancellation/no-show). I think it appears un-professional.
Pay attention to what you eat: fresh fruit and veges are great! Green salads and smoothies are fantastic. Instead of choosing coffee/sugar hit, opt for a kale/spinach/banana smoothie to boost your energy levels. The rule of thumb: the less the food was f….d with, the better it is for you.
Sleep is extremely important. It is also one of the most neglected areas for a lot of people. A person requires about 8 hours of sleep daily. Women need 7-9 hours daily.
Benefits of sleep are many. A good night’s sleep can help stave off headaches, boost focus and increase bone density. Studies shown that a particular protein which boosts the immune system is developed by our bodies during sleep. Sleep is also known as a vital part of weight loss.
It is important to go to bed before midnight: stress hormone cortisol’s production naturally slows down about 2 hours before midnight and increases again around 2am. So it is not a good idea to stay up late and then drag yourself awake early to “make up” for a missed work-out from yesterday. It does more harm than good.
I suggest turning off (completely powering off vs. putting on “silent”) all your devices such as phone, computer, tablet at certain time of the evening (not too late-before 10pm) in order to relax and let your body do what it does best: run your systems to your advantage.
Even if you are the most un-organised person, organisation is a learned behaviour. Studies show that it takes just 21 days to form a habit (any habit).
Start with simple things.
Make your bed as soon as you get out of it. Not only this simple task will put you in “organised” mood, it will prevent any temptation to get back into it later (when you should be walking or doing something productive).
Give your toilet a once-over after you’ve finished using it every morning. It only takes a couple of minutes (literally) to use a brush and some cleaner and wipe it with bleach, but your toilet will stay sparkling white for years and there will never be any need for a major hour-long scrubbing.
Wash your dishes and put them away immediately after you’ve finished using them. A couple of glasses/cups and a plates only takes minutes to wash, but a sink full of dirty dishes may appear like an insurmountable task.
Do spot-cleaning frequently, every time you find a few odd minutes with nothing to do: dust a couple of shelves, run a vacuum for a couple of minutes, etc. This way cleaning wouldn’t seem like such a huge task and you won’t have to dedicate a large time slot to it.
Throw your laundry in a wash before you go for walk, then into the dryer before you take a trip to a grocery store. It doesn’t seem like a chore then-just a quick thing to do before you set off.
Being organised helps un-clatter your mind. Once you are able to visualise your day and your week clearly, it’s not long before you will notice other positive changes in your life, attitude and well-being.
This will definitely reflect on your business in many ways (all of them good).
P.S. I've offered some tips for organizing finances/budgeting for sex workers here: http://courtesansdiary.blogspot.co.nz/2013/06/some-tips-for-easier-budgeting-for.html
P.S. I've offered some tips for organizing finances/budgeting for sex workers here: http://courtesansdiary.blogspot.co.nz/2013/06/some-tips-for-easier-budgeting-for.html
Thursday, April 9, 2015
I was forwarded a couple of links to a great and very relevant blog by a sex-worker from US. I feel they both merit a re-post:
Since becoming a full-time companion (my euphemism of choice) in the United States about nine months ago, I have noticed two distinct issues that affect our safety and ability to continue to operate. The first, most pressing issue is the fact that full service sex work is illegal in most parts of the country. The second issue is the fact that a very large online community of reviewers or “hobbyists” exists. While most hobbyists are not sociopathic predators who use coercive tactics to rape sex workers, the very fact that a review community exists creates a power structure that makes coercive rape a fairly common occurrence for sex workers. With so many sex workers coming forward saying they were sexually violated after being blackmailed with the threat of a bad review, there is something deeply wrong with a community of reviewers who perpetuate misogyny and rape culture.
The problem comes out of the hobbyist propensity to reduce sex workers to commodities. Many hobbyists claim it is important for them to know what they are getting into if they’re going to drop that kind of money on a “product,” and on the surface this argument makes sense. Law enforcement is a very real concern not only for sex workers, but also for our clients. It seems reasonable that a client would want to know whether or not they can trust that a sex worker is legit before agreeing to meet with them. Depending on the mood I’m in, I can even be sympathetic to the plight of the poor hobbyist who had a kinky fantasy that a sex worker cannot/won’t fulfill. We are, after all, quite the expensive hobby.
When we talk about reviews, though, and the information that is contained within them, we are not just talking about simple yes or no answers to questions of legitimacy and customer satisfaction. The hobbyists’ arguments for the necessity of reviews fall apart with one look at the reviews themselves. Not only will you find a full and detailed accounting of a sex worker’s body type and appearance, grooming habits, gender assignment versus presentation, and how nice/real their various body parts may or may not be; you also have the opportunity to read a very detailed account of the session a hobbyist enjoyed (or didn’t) with a sex worker. This includes all the dirty details on what the sex worker was or was not willing to do, and how happy or unhappy that made the hobbyist. These reviews can often read just like an Amazon.com review, with all the information about the provider’s body listed like basic product info, and the experience with the product (person) detailed below. I think most sex workers and even quite a few hobbyists would agree that these details are unnecessary and in fact compromise sex workers’ legal safety, since most of us try not to admit to exchanging sex for money.
I believe these sorts of details are included in order to commoditize sex workers, making them less than human and less deserving of empathy. It also creates a power structure in which hobbyists can use the threat of a bad review, or disappointment at not receiving services a sex worker chooses not to provide, to coerce workers into doing things they don’t want to do.
Let’s say, for example, that business has not been as good as usual for the past month and you’re worried about paying your rent. What happens when you agree to a session with a hobbyist during this financially unstable period? You could show up and your session could go very well and you could leave it feeling relieved that this hobbyist will probably write you a good review and you will probably get more clients from it and thus be able to make that rent payment. Or, perhaps you show up to the session and the hobbyist will ask you for anal sex even though that’s something you don’t always do (but have done in the past and some of your reviews mentioned that you did.) When you tell them that’s a boundary you can’t cross that particular day, they tell you that they’re really disappointed since they read a review that says you did it, and they may even want their money back and/or subtly threaten to write a bad review. What choice do you make then? Is it really so easy to stick to that boundary when your rent is coming up and you know you won’t be able to pay it with that bad review out there affecting your bookings? This is the type of situation that sex workers in areas dominated by review board culture frequently find themselves in. This is how hobbyists use their power and entitlement to rape.
There are many, many sex workers out there who depend on reviews for business. Some sex workers even exclusively use reviews for marketing and advertising. I have been lucky enough to avoid accepting reviews altogether while still maintaining a healthy business. I devote a large amount of my time to marketing and advertising in venues outside of review boards, and maintained a sexuality blog that talked in detail about my sex life and interests before I even entered into this business that has been an invaluable marketing tool for letting potential clients know what I’m all about. I would never expect other sex workers to opt out of reviews, especially if they know how to work the system in a way that feels safe to them and makes them lots of money.
However, we need to begin working towards abolishing the hobbyist review system as it exists today. This work begins by doing just what we’re doing here: talking about why review culture is a problem, a hierarchical system that creates a culture of coercion and rape. We need to be outspoken with our clients about this and ask them to opt out where they can. Until we achieve decriminalization, we need to think about ways we can keep the process of vetting sex workers and clients more egalitarian. There are blacklists (though I do not believe there are many free-to-view blacklists currently operating, and that’s a big problem), and sites like P411 and Date-Check at least allow us to say whether or not a client is “OK,” or “satisfactory.” But we need to level the playing field by lobbying clients and review boards to include less information on sex workers in reviews. Finally, we need to create a review site maintained by sex workers that goes into detail about how clients behaved in sessions. I get a big kick out of imagining a client review site that lists details like penis size and sexual prowess. What would be most helpful, though, is knowing how well a client respects not only the sex worker’s boundaries but also their humanity.