Friday, August 8, 2014

Leverage (the balance of power)

Commercial sex transaction seems straight forward (in theory at least): client pays money in exchange for company/sex. Provider delivers. End of story.
In reality, more often than not sex is about the balance of power and commercial sex is no exception.

The purpose of this post is not to examine the reasons for the above, but to give few tips to providers as to how to avoid undesirable situations.

I will give few examples.

Example 1: Client attempts to bargain down the price (provided your prices are clearly stated in your ad/website).

I realise in some cases WG just might be bored and figures “Oh, why not-I am not doing anything anyway”, but the client will inevitably perceive your acceptance of his low-ball offer as a sign that you are desperate for money. This will automatically put you on the offensive-the balance of power has shifted in his favour before he even set a foot in your door.

As a rule clients like that (price hagglers) are boundary-pushers in general. There is no telling what they might attempt in the room.

He could turn up with even less money than agreed upon citing “Unable to take out more from ATM” and count on the fact that you’ve lost time waiting for him/getting ready (and possibly turn down other bookings), so will try to salvage what you can.

Or he could turn up and threaten to walk hoping for further discount.

Or he could try and stretch paid-for time for longer. Or attempt sex acts/activities you don’t offer. Or if you do offer some extras, he’d try to get those free of charge.

Personally, I turn down all low-ballers and ask them not to contact me again-saves a lot of stress and aggravation.

Example 2: Client asks for a late night booking.

There are few legitimate scenarios for this: business client arriving in your city really late and planning his fun in advance or someone who routinely finishes work late and cannot punt during the day. In both of those cases legitimate clients would be happy to offer a deposit.

However, some guys schedule late bookings to take advantage of you.

-They might hope you might be intoxicated and try to get away with sex acts/activities you don’t normally offer

-They might try to low-ball you (saying things like “Oh, sorry, I didn’t realise I’ve run such a large tab at dinner/pub and this is all I have left-do you want it or not)  betting on the fact that you’ve spent all this time waiting for this booking and will accept whatever amount to make up for it

-They might hope theirs will be your last booking of the day (in fact many ask for just that-last booking and they would attempt to stay longer (in some cases much longer) than the time they’ve paid for (some bring along a bottle of wine to achieve just that-a whole evening for the price of one hour)

Example 3: Client makes multi-hour booking well in advance, then proceeds to use it as a leverage to engage with you via text, email, phone calls, effectively getting a lot of social interaction for free.

Set the limits and boundaries straight away and make it clear that you will cancel the booking in case of excessive/unnecessary communication.

Example 4: During the booking client positions himself so he could have full or partial (rubbing his uncovered penis on your vagina) uncovered sex with you if opportunity presents itself.

I recommend avoiding those positions altogether, as men are generally much bigger and stronger than women and you won’t be able to do anything if he suddenly thrusts.
Be in control of the room at all times without making it obvious-subtly shift yourself in positions where you can move away from the client freely at any time.

Example 5: Client positions himself to be able to penetrate you anally while claiming it was “an accident”-when he is on the top having your legs over your head.

While this position is OK, avoid letting him thrust wildly or firmly cup back of his thigh/buttock with your hand, hence preventing him from swinging all the way out.

Example 6: Client adamantly refuses any lube.

Guys who do this usually hope that condom will break (as is often the case without lube) and they will end up having unprotected sex. Some will actually rub their erect condomed penis all over your pelvic area (while kissing you and holding their body tight to theirs) hoping the breakage will occur even before they enter you and will go unnoticed.

Example 7: Client announces that he is a member of online review forum as soon as he arrives.

Again, this is done to shift the power in their favour. They wield possible bad review over your head and might attempt sex acts/activities you don’t normally offer, or to receive those free of charge, or get a discount. In some cases they will flat out ask for a FREE booking in exchange for a “really good review” on the forum.

Example 8: Client asks for a block of time you don’t offer in your ad/website: for example 45 min.

In some cases these are the guys who punt a lot and figured out exactly how long it takes for them to do what they want to do and not willing to pay for any time above and beyond that. These guys are fine-there is nothing wrong with knowing your timing.

A lot of times, however, guys who ask for this are the ones who hope to get an hour for the *lesser* price of 45 min: they will ask for a second shot on a 30 -35 min mark and bet on the fact that you will “finish the job” and won’t kick them out of bed with erect penis when 45 min are up. They will also say things like “I am almost there”, “Just another minute and I will come” when it couldn’t be further from the truth.

Example 9: Client arrives bearing gifts disproportionate to the price/duration of the booking.

Although it seems like a lovely gesture on the surface of it, beware. There are no free lunches. Ever.

While a bottle of wine, flowers, small lingerie item or chocolates are perfectly fine, very expensive and extravagant gifts are never a good sign. Usually you will be expected to deliver a lot more than you’ve agreed upon OR the guy is looking for a mistress/girlfriend.

I would thank the gentleman politely and explain that you can’t accept such expensive gift.

Bottom line: be constantly aware of other people’s motivations.  In our line of work too many things can go wrong very fast. There are too many unstable/unhinged people who view sex workers as an easy target to feed whatever demons possess them.

Stay alert and in control of the situation at all times (without making it obvious to the client) and try to prevent any escalation of negativity. 

Always have a support system. These are the people you can call who will come to your rescue immediately.

 In the absolute worst case scenario be prepared to run out of the room/apartment/house leaving the client behind. So have a robe and your phone somewhere near the door at all times.

Most of the time industry is great: fun and rewarding. It is a handful of bad apples that spoil it for everyone.

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