Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Forever and ever? Or just for a short time?

Relationships are hardly ever simple and straightforward. More often than not they are complicated and messy.

As we get older we pick our partners more carefully, but no matter how hard one tries, there is no fool-proof formula.

Life is full of big and small disappointments and just when you think you’ve seen it all it throws you a curved one.

We all have in our minds things that are important in future partners. Some are at the top of the list and others are negotiable.
Everyone wants to have a good, solid mutually nurturing and supportive relationship. Everyone wants to have their needs met.
Important thing is to figure out whether you are able to meet the needs of your partner consistently.
That’s when it’s important to be honest with yourself.

Sometimes we get so taken with the idea of a relationship, we push all the little doubts and niggles to the back of our heads and try to make everything fit.
Trouble is, we are who we are. People don’t change. It has been scientifically proved that human beings can change (their core values, their view of life,etc) up to the age 24. After that it’s a done deal.
People can change for a time, adapt temporary, but it doesn’t last: we slip back into our persona sooner rather than later. 
You can’t change a person, nor should you want to. Be with someone you can respect and like being around. It doesn’t matter if you don’t care much for their friends or hobbies, but you have to like the way they view the world in order for the relationship to endure.
The trick is to find someone kind and fair who shares your values.

If you have to hide any side of you from your partner (regardless of how noble your intentions are), relationship will eventually become too tedious to carry on.

Trouble is, a lot of people want to put their best foot forward during the honeymoon stage of a relationship and make a great deal of effort to come across in the most flattering light in order to win the object of their attraction over.
Don’t get me wrong-I don’t advocate not making any effort. Just make sure in doing so you are not hiding/downplaying things/interests/points of view/habits that are essential to you as a person.
Because the only dead end that road leads to is disappointment and disenchantment.

Another side of the coin is that sometimes people are deliberately playing into your likes/dislikes in order to gain your trust and take advantage of you.

Quite a few people out there are well educated and read up on various psychological techniques (internet provides unlimited research material). They can figure out your “buttons” pretty quickly and push them to play you like a violin, all the while using you for their gain.
They will tailor their life stories to fit the profile you are seeking and tell you all the things you long to hear. And you won’t know what hit you until they’ve done with you.

This happened to me many times over and although I do learn my lessons, some people are pretty clever and conniving.
Funny thing is, in most cases I would have given them what they wanted had they simply told me the truth-no intricate web of lies was needed.

These days I stick with friends and acquaintances that are tried and true. Actions speak louder than words. Yes, we disagree sometimes and sometimes there are misunderstanding and bitter arguments-we are human after all. But at the end of the day people who stand by you when you need them the most are your true friends.
Not those who claim to be your soul mates and pledge allegiance until the day you die and then rip you off.
Not those who pretended to like you and your values while secretly despising who and what you are.
Not those who string you along with lies and then attempt to turn it around blaming you for their bad actions.
Not those who attempt to portray you as a villain in order to make themselves feel better about their dishonesty.

Funny enough, those are usually the same people who tell you all kinds of shit about your true friends: they don’t want you to have a good support system of people who will keep your reality in check.

Bottom line: hold on to your true and trusted friends. They will keep you grounded. New relationships are good, but tread carefully, take your time and don’t neglect those who care about you.

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