Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The difference between commercial and free NSA sex

I often hear statements such as “I love my job (as a sex worker) because I just love sex and I would do it for free” and similar.
How true is this? And if true, just how great of a service these girls who say it provide?

I enjoy sex quite a bit. But to me there is a difference between having sex for fun and pleasure and providing commercial sex service.

Yes, the two do mix sometimes, but not all the time. Professionalism means providing consistent service at all times to each and every client. One’s personal pleasure and preferences take a back seat in commercial situation (in any profession, but this is especially and profoundly true in sex industry).

I will illustrate with some real life examples.

Let me set the background.

My GF who has never been a sex worker does enjoy sex as much as the next girl/guy.

She is petit, slim and very attractive with great personality and fantastic sense of humour. People are drawn to her. She is often approached by men as well as women.
She is also well-integrated person, secure in her self-worth and does not seek validation through others. When she wants something, she simply asks for it.

This very much applies to sex. She is on various “hook up” sites: “Blendr” and “Xdating” type. When she feels the urge, she either looks there or calls someone she hooked up with before. She doesn’t act like it’s a great favour she bestows on the guy-she simply views it as an equal opportunity to have some fun and “get rocks off”.

She works as a receptionist in a parlour.

A lot of times parlour clients attempt to hit on her and ask her out. She usually declines.

This one guy kept doing it: every time he came in, he hit on my GF despite the fact that he always gotten a service from one of the WGs who work in that parlour.

One day, he came in when my GF’s shift was almost over and she just happened to be horny.
When he hit on her (yet again), she simply said “OK, let’s go to mine” (she lived not far from the parlour).

The guy was beside himself-he thought Christmas came early.

When they got to her place, she took him to the bedroom without any further ado. Just as anyone else, my GF likes certain things: she likes skilled kissers for instance.

This guy wasn’t that grand in that department, but she was horny and decided to proceed.

And then he went to do that dreadful thing that many men seem to think is the thing to do.
Girls call it “helicopter” or “dishwasher” move: that’s when a guy rubs his palm over clitoris area in circular motion (sometimes quite fast). This and the “slapping of the vagina” (as if they are trying to put out a fire in a hurry) got to be the most disliked moves out there (by girls-guys are mostly oblivious).

After few minutes of this, my GF lost any sexual desire she had. She was now bored, annoyed and decidedly not horny.

She said to the guy (calmly and matter of fact) “look, I don’t want to do this anymore. You have to go”.
He was genuinely taken aback. “What do you mean?” he asked. She repeated her request and added that the two of them don’t appear to gel in sexual way.
“Well, that’s kind of rude” was his reply “What about me?”
“What about you?” she asked.
“Aren’t you going to do something for me?” he went “I did something for you”.
“Well, you didn’t actually do anything for me, I am afraid, and I certainly don’t feel like doing anything for you at this stage. I am not horny anymore”
The guy left sulking.

What’s the moral of the story?

When sex is free and non-committal between two consenting adults, there is no obligation for either party to please the other. Normally two (or more) people engage in sex because they feel horny and need to get their rocks off.
Hence achieving one’s climax/pleasure is the goal.

The issue is often complicated by dynamics of personal emotions: if people are in love, they want to please the other party.
If one party is eager to connect themselves to another in a more permanent way (partnership and marriage), they try to impress them and do their best to please them.
If one party is seeking sex with another with hopes of a reward (promotion, for instance), it is all about pleasing.

But when it is genuine NSA, the playing field should be equal for both parties.

How many times guys comment on the fact that they lost their erection/desire/mood when they saw the girl without her clothes on/she said something that turned them off/she was just laying there like a starfish/she smelled bad upon close examination.
Well, same rules apply to women in free NSA attached sex. A guy cannot expect the woman to “finish the job” or even do any specific sexual acts just as he is not expected to.

I think a lot of guys (especially those who partake in “the hobby”) forget this and tend to apply “commercial” mind frame to private non-commercial situations.

I’ve known women who really enjoy skilled oral performed on them. Some of the girls I’ve been with take as long as 20 min to cum, making my neck cramp and tongue go almost numb. And when they did cum, the tryst was over: they were happy to cuddle and kiss, but not to return the favour.

It is perfectly fine in lesbian world, as often some girls are “top” and some “bottom” and it is clear who is doing what to whom. Plus, orgasm can be achieved in many different ways for women, so there is lots of fun to be had by everyone in many different ways ;).

But imagine how a guy would react if a woman said “That was great, dear, and thank you” after receiving 20 min or so of oral and leaving him with “blue balls”?
Imagine doing this in a commercial situation? Yeah, that’s right...LOL..

A lot of punters who say things like “I love to give pleasure to women” are not entirely truthful. Yes, they love to see a woman cum-because it strokes their ego. They feel like the world’s greatest lovers once they achieve it. And that’s what they are really after.
That’s why they try so relentlessly to find a perfect “one fits all” blueprint to induce an orgasm in every woman they have sex with.

Unfortunately, due to emotional dynamics specified above, they often are lied to by women who want to please them and fake orgasms to that end.
Even worse pool to exercise one’s skills is sex industry: WGs are getting paid to please the customer. Of course they going to act like you sent them to orgasmic stratosphere with your tongue, penis, and fingers.

But back to my GF.

She has stopped sex and asked guys to leave (or left herself) on many occasions.

One time the guy kept jerking his penis and looking down on it while they (my GF and him) were kissing. I guess he was trying to get it hard, but she was in no hurry and not putting any pressure on him. Yet he didn’t seem to focus on the moment or on her-his entire attention was on his *limp* penis. After 10 min of this she got annoyed and left.

Another time the guy said he was a great kisser when she asked and turned out to be terrible: sloppy face licker and someone who stuck his tongue all the way down her throat after only a few seconds. She stopped him and asked him to leave.

I’ve outlined specifics of providing sex commercially in another blog post:

It is, indeed, very different ball game from free NSA sex, notwithstanding the fact that a provider does not really get to choose the client (some do to a point, but we can’t even see what the client looks like in most cases before we accept the booking, nor should it make any difference whatsoever, I hasten to add).

I am a realist (not optimist or pessimist). I have very clear understanding of what life and its different aspects are like.
We’ve got to work with reality as we find it, not how we wish it was.
I think that’s why a lot of people like me: I don’t put on airs or insult their intelligence with overly “cotton candy” “rose tinted glasses” statements and views.
Yes, my job involves fair degree of acting, but it has to be presented in realistic and palatable manner, not in a way that makes clients cringe.


  1. Never heard of that move that "many men seem to think is the thing to do". It sounds like one of the most unerotic things imaginable. But then I don't get out much. I'm sure there's a lot of things I don't know about.

  2. Yes,Dave, it is (the most unerotic thing imaginable :/)...

  3. I like to rub on and around it slowly with finger penetration off and on (no Jabbing or jamming) I like to please a woman hell with me, I get off on her getting off......Gary

  4. I do appreciate your very interesting and frank observations. One of my partners was a WG - and also bisexual. But she had major issues from sexual abuse by her grandfather and father. She is one of the smartest women I know.