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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The difference between commercial and free NSA sex

I often hear statements such as “I love my job (as a sex worker) because I just love sex and I would do it for free” and similar.
How true is this? And if true, just how great of a service these girls who say it provide?

I enjoy sex quite a bit. But to me there is a difference between having sex for fun and pleasure and providing commercial sex service.

Yes, the two do mix sometimes, but not all the time. Professionalism means providing consistent service at all times to each and every client. One’s personal pleasure and preferences take a back seat in commercial situation (in any profession, but this is especially and profoundly true in sex industry).

I will illustrate with some real life examples.

Let me set the background.

My GF who has never been a sex worker does enjoy sex as much as the next girl/guy.

She is petit, slim and very attractive with great personality and fantastic sense of humour. People are drawn to her. She is often approached by men as well as women.
She is also well-integrated person, secure in her self-worth and does not seek validation through others. When she wants something, she simply asks for it.

This very much applies to sex. She is on various “hook up” sites: “Blendr” and “Xdating” type. When she feels the urge, she either looks there or calls someone she hooked up with before. She doesn’t act like it’s a great favour she bestows on the guy-she simply views it as an equal opportunity to have some fun and “get rocks off”.

She works as a receptionist in a parlour.

A lot of times parlour clients attempt to hit on her and ask her out. She usually declines.

This one guy kept doing it: every time he came in, he hit on my GF despite the fact that he always gotten a service from one of the WGs who work in that parlour.

One day, he came in when my GF’s shift was almost over and she just happened to be horny.
When he hit on her (yet again), she simply said “OK, let’s go to mine” (she lived not far from the parlour).

The guy was beside himself-he thought Christmas came early.

When they got to her place, she took him to the bedroom without any further ado. Just as anyone else, my GF likes certain things: she likes skilled kissers for instance.

This guy wasn’t that grand in that department, but she was horny and decided to proceed.

And then he went to do that dreadful thing that many men seem to think is the thing to do.
Girls call it “helicopter” or “dishwasher” move: that’s when a guy rubs his palm over clitoris area in circular motion (sometimes quite fast). This and the “slapping of the vagina” (as if they are trying to put out a fire in a hurry) got to be the most disliked moves out there (by girls-guys are mostly oblivious).

After few minutes of this, my GF lost any sexual desire she had. She was now bored, annoyed and decidedly not horny.

She said to the guy (calmly and matter of fact) “look, I don’t want to do this anymore. You have to go”.
He was genuinely taken aback. “What do you mean?” he asked. She repeated her request and added that the two of them don’t appear to gel in sexual way.
“Well, that’s kind of rude” was his reply “What about me?”
“What about you?” she asked.
“Aren’t you going to do something for me?” he went “I did something for you”.
“Well, you didn’t actually do anything for me, I am afraid, and I certainly don’t feel like doing anything for you at this stage. I am not horny anymore”
The guy left sulking.

What’s the moral of the story?

When sex is free and non-committal between two consenting adults, there is no obligation for either party to please the other. Normally two (or more) people engage in sex because they feel horny and need to get their rocks off.
Hence achieving one’s climax/pleasure is the goal.

The issue is often complicated by dynamics of personal emotions: if people are in love, they want to please the other party.
If one party is eager to connect themselves to another in a more permanent way (partnership and marriage), they try to impress them and do their best to please them.
If one party is seeking sex with another with hopes of a reward (promotion, for instance), it is all about pleasing.

But when it is genuine NSA, the playing field should be equal for both parties.

How many times guys comment on the fact that they lost their erection/desire/mood when they saw the girl without her clothes on/she said something that turned them off/she was just laying there like a starfish/she smelled bad upon close examination.
Well, same rules apply to women in free NSA attached sex. A guy cannot expect the woman to “finish the job” or even do any specific sexual acts just as he is not expected to.

I think a lot of guys (especially those who partake in “the hobby”) forget this and tend to apply “commercial” mind frame to private non-commercial situations.


I’ve known women who really enjoy skilled oral performed on them. Some of the girls I’ve been with take as long as 20 min to cum, making my neck cramp and tongue go almost numb. And when they did cum, the tryst was over: they were happy to cuddle and kiss, but not to return the favour.

It is perfectly fine in lesbian world, as often some girls are “top” and some “bottom” and it is clear who is doing what to whom. Plus, orgasm can be achieved in many different ways for women, so there is lots of fun to be had by everyone in many different ways ;).

But imagine how a guy would react if a woman said “That was great, dear, and thank you” after receiving 20 min or so of oral and leaving him with “blue balls”?
Imagine doing this in a commercial situation? Yeah, that’s right...LOL..

A lot of punters who say things like “I love to give pleasure to women” are not entirely truthful. Yes, they love to see a woman cum-because it strokes their ego. They feel like the world’s greatest lovers once they achieve it. And that’s what they are really after.
That’s why they try so relentlessly to find a perfect “one fits all” blueprint to induce an orgasm in every woman they have sex with.

Unfortunately, due to emotional dynamics specified above, they often are lied to by women who want to please them and fake orgasms to that end.
Even worse pool to exercise one’s skills is sex industry: WGs are getting paid to please the customer. Of course they going to act like you sent them to orgasmic stratosphere with your tongue, penis, and fingers.

But back to my GF.

She has stopped sex and asked guys to leave (or left herself) on many occasions.

One time the guy kept jerking his penis and looking down on it while they (my GF and him) were kissing. I guess he was trying to get it hard, but she was in no hurry and not putting any pressure on him. Yet he didn’t seem to focus on the moment or on her-his entire attention was on his *limp* penis. After 10 min of this she got annoyed and left.

Another time the guy said he was a great kisser when she asked and turned out to be terrible: sloppy face licker and someone who stuck his tongue all the way down her throat after only a few seconds. She stopped him and asked him to leave.

I’ve outlined specifics of providing sex commercially in another blog post:

http://courtesansdiary.blogspot.co.nz/2013/12/choosing-career-as-sex-worker-for-love.html



It is, indeed, very different ball game from free NSA sex, notwithstanding the fact that a provider does not really get to choose the client (some do to a point, but we can’t even see what the client looks like in most cases before we accept the booking, nor should it make any difference whatsoever, I hasten to add).

I am a realist (not optimist or pessimist). I have very clear understanding of what life and its different aspects are like.
We’ve got to work with reality as we find it, not how we wish it was.
I think that’s why a lot of people like me: I don’t put on airs or insult their intelligence with overly “cotton candy” “rose tinted glasses” statements and views.
Yes, my job involves fair degree of acting, but it has to be presented in realistic and palatable manner, not in a way that makes clients cringe.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Enjoy and appreciate the abundance of the Festive season

Festive Season is upon us once again.

Time for parties, presents, family gatherings, joy and laughter.

As we enjoy this time of festive indulgence, I wanted to remember a cold December 72 years ago: December of 1941.

World War II in Russia. German Operation Barbarossa is at Leningrad’s (St.Petersburg) gates.

These are the excerpts from the book “Mastering the Art of Soviet Cooking: a Memoir of Food and Longing” by Anya von Bremzen.

On September 8, Shlisselburg, a strategically important town nearby on Lake Ladoga, fell to the Germans. Russia’s second-largest city was now completely cut off by land: no transport, no provisions, no fuel. It was the start of Blokada, the Siege of Leningrad, which would last a mythic nine hundred days.

Kobona, a village on the span of Lake Ladoga’s frigid Suth Eastern shore still in Russian hands was where make-shift hospital had been set up for evacuees from Peter The Great’s imperial city, which Hitler meant to raze to the ground.
The emaciated arrivals, mostly women and children were give half a liter of warm water and spoonfuls of gruel. Some ate and instantly died, their dystrophied bodies unable to handle the food.

The one route in and out of blockaded Leningrad lay across twenty perilous miles of windswept snow-covered lake ice to the opposite shore-through enemy fire. This was the legendary Doroga Zhizni, the Road of Life, a route desperately improvised by authorities and meteorologists in the second month of the Siege as the temperatures sank and the lake froze over.
This first terrible winter-the coldest in decades-and the two following, trucks labouring over The Road of Life carried the only supplies into a city where rations fell to four ounces of ersatz bread a day, and vintage parquet floors and precious rare books were burned as fuel in the minus-thirty-degree cold.
The besieged ate sweetened soil around a sugar warehouse bombed by the Germans, and papier-mache bookbindings, even jelly made out of softened carpenter glue-not to mention far more gruesome stuff. More than fifty thousand people perished in December 1941 alone.
On their two daily runs along the Road of Life, exhausted drivers fought sleep by hanging a metal pot from the cab ceiling, which rattled and hit them on the head. German shells and bombs fell constantly. Often the ice caved in.

Dairies from the Leningrad Siege leave bone-chilling details of the economics of starvation.

Ushanka (flap hat)=four ounces of bread; men’s galoshes=five ounces of bread; used samovar=two pounds of bread.

Families hid the death of relatives so they could continue using the deceased monthly bread kartochki (ration cards): printed on one large sheet of paper, a month’s worth of square coupons with an official stmp, the recipient’s name and signature, and a stern warning-CARDS NOT REPLACEABLE-because corruption and counterfeiting ran rampart.
Lost your kartochki? Good luck surviving.

Starvation was nowhere as horrifying, as extreme, as it was in Leningrad, during those nine hundred days.
This is a photo of ration card book.





Place of issue: Leningrad. Date: December 1941, the third month of the terrible Siege, which claimed around a million lives. Temperatures plunged to minus thirty. There was no heat, no electricity, no running water in the frozen city; sewage pipes burst from the cold; transport stood motionless. People were dying walking down the street: they sat down on snow mounds to rest, exhausted from starvation, and froze to death. Peter The Great’s imperial capital resembled a snow-covered graveyard where emaciated crowds, so many soon to be ghosts, lined up for their ration of bread.
By December 1941 the rations had fallen to 250 grams for industrial workers; for all other citizens, 125 grams-barely four ounces of something sticky and damp, adulterated with sawdust and cattle fodder and cellulose. But those 125 grams, those twenty small daily bites gotten with a puny square of paper, were often the difference between survival and death.
An image like this calls for a moment of silence

Let’s all be grateful for what we have, as life can change in a instant.


Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Choosing a career as a sex worker: for love or money?

An interesting discussion developed on www.adultforum.co.nz a few days ago.
The original poster (an ex-WG) asked why others choose the sex trade as a career, but eliminated money/income potential as an option.



One of the punters pointed out that the premise is faulty, as money certainly would be the major (if not the first and foremost) consideration for someone embarking on a career of having sex with strangers.

Some girls objected, claiming they do the job because they really enjoy meeting people, love sex, get a sense of accomplishment when they’ve made someone happy, great flexibility and freedom, opportunities to travel, etc.
Well, let’s think about it for a minute.

Things like flexibility, freedom and travel opportunities all have to do with money that the job earns.

While one would be able to earn comparable amounts doing other work, it would more often than not involve rigid business/office hours and only limited number of vacation days (which would need to be scheduled in advance).

For example: as a lawyer, to make a certain amount per year, one has to put in the hours, attend scheduled court dates (which are not up to her/him to choose) and be available to clients so “billable hours” would pile up creating the income. A lawyer can’t really stop working whenever he wants and then just pick up where he left off without seriously damaging his income flow.

Same with doctors-even more structured. Most other professions are subject to same restrictions...

Even free-lancers (in IT, journalism, etc) have to maintain presence/continue working least they fall into the backs of potential client’s minds (out of site-out of mind) and lose prospective commissions to their more eager colleagues.

Not so with sex workers. All it takes is online (or newspaper) and a phone. Money is quick and amounts are significant: one can make anywhere from a couple of hundred to several thousand a day, then disappear for as long as they wish and come back to find more eager punters. In fact, often times sex worker is regarded as “new” after a long absence and can actually make more money than she did before she stopped.

Sex worker can stop working on any given day at any time if they feel tired/worn out/stressed and then just start back again the next day/ week/month without any damage to her earning potential.

So, ultimately, the flexibility, freedom and ability to travel (having money to pay for it and being able to take off whenever you wish for as long as you want without damage to potential earnings) have to do with money.

Now to the claims of doing the job for the satisfaction of it, sheer love of sex, etc.

The ultimate litmus test would be this question:

If you won/inherited a significant amount of money (5 million +) tomorrow, would you continue doing sex work as a career?

It is a good question, because people whom chose their career for the love it rather than money certainly would.

An artist (painter, writer, actor, etc) for example would be overjoyed that he can now do what he loves and not worry about making a living. In fact, they would probably purchase a gallery/theatre/publishing company so can showcase their work.
A friend of mine (now deceased, sadly), although not at all rich had self-published her book (it cost her small fortune).

Lawyers would certainly continue providing their services to close family members, at least, and so would the doctors.

Especially dedicated ones, whom truly chose their profession for the love of it, would use their new found fortune to go to less fortunate/third world/disaster affected countries to continue working there.

But would any hooker, regardless of how much she says she loves her job continue sucking c***k for money when she has 5+ million in the bank?

I think we all know the answer to this if we are completely honest with ourselves.

Please note that offering sex for money as a commercial service is very different from just having sex with strangers for free.

Not every client is pleasant, polite and considerate, no matter how hard tight your screening process is.

As a commercial service provider, you have to (at all times):

-Look impeccable and often dress to client’s specs in clothes that might be uncomfortable

-Maintain good condition of your body, skin and hair-slim WGs are still the preference of the majority of punters.

-Censor your opinions as to not offend the client.

-Look and act happy, engaged, enthusiastic, happy to see him even if client does not evoke those emotions

-Engage in acts you might not particularly enjoy or be simply indifferent to or don’t feel like performing on that particular day

-Provide enough “feedback” through acting to satisfy the client (for example, if you naturally a very quiet “cummer”, you’d have to provide “sound effects” for the benefit of the client)

-Engage in multiple positions throughout the booking, even the ones you don’t particularly like or the ones that make you self-conscious/uncomfortable (while in free sex situation you can just relax and enjoy and sometimes do nothing but lay back and receive ministrations)

-You have to see the booking to the end (vs. stopping whenever you feel like or even asking a person to leave in non-commercial situation).

Don’t get me wrong: I do like my job. If I didn’t, I most certainly would not be doing it. But the first and foremost reason for choosing it and continuing to do it is money and everything it brings with it: flexibility, freedom, travel, ability to treat my friends to dinners, etc.