Friday, September 6, 2013

Sex industry is not a dating scene

A lot of heated discussions took place in past few days on Adult Forum. 
It had to do with power games people play and attempts at blurring the lines between clear cut “sex-for-money” situation and “boyfriend/girlfriend” personal relationships.

One WG summed it all up pretty well: “Sex industry is not a dating scene”.

It would appear that it’s simple enough: one pays "X" amount of money in exchange of "X" amount of time of intimate interaction with a WG, yet many people continue to view sex industry as a source of potential partners.

Opinion was expressed that it is absurd to believe that someone would pursue a WG for months after she refused to see that person/accept their booking.
One would think so, as there are literally hundreds of hookers in Auckland alone. 10-12 pages on NZGs, not to mention the ones advertising in the newspaper and those working under agency/parlour umbrella.
A hooker declined your booking? Well, just dial the next one. That would be normal, healthy reaction.
Yet we deal with various obsessive, stalkerish types weekly.

Here are a couple of examples.

Well over a year ago I had a half an hour booking with fairly young non-Kiwi guy. Although booking went OK, the guy gave me a bad vibe (things he asked, the way he acted) and I resolved to never see him again.
He has been attempting to book me ever since every 6-8 weeks (I guess he thinks I’d forget who he is and his patterns). I recognise him because he asks for certain specific things and when I confront him, he admits that it IS, indeed, him.
I have told him many times (verbally and via text and email) to not contact me again. Yet he persists. He has tried to book me using 5 different SIMs so far (again, I know it’s him because when I challenge him, he admits it).
I have no idea why he zeroed in on me, but his behaviour is certainly disturbing.

Another guy has been calling me repeatedly in the evening asking for a late booking. I only take very few evening bookings and they have to be made in advance, and I’ve explained it to him many times.
Finally, during one of those evening calls (when I said “NO” yet again), he made a booking for the next day in the morning.
Well... Drum roll... He pulled a “no call/no show”.
Naturally, I logged him on my phone.
When he called again, a couple of weeks later, I told him to not contact me again. He kept on texting, blatantly lying (even in the face of hard cold facts).
Here are some texts I received after he was told that (to not contact me):

Remember, this person has never seen me before. Clearly, this shows unhealthy tendencies (not to mention the fact that I really wonder now why he always wanted to book me late and after dark).
There is also a story of the stalker whom made my life very difficult for a long time. I actually am not sure if he really thought he was in love with me or simply was after my money (I am financially secure and he repeatedly broke into my house unbeknown to me and went through all my records).
Here’s that story:

This is the reality of WGs daily lives: dealing with types such as these. 
I know, I know, people say “it’s your job, so just deal with it”, but we signed up for providing sex and companionship for money, nothing more and nothing less.
Yes, there are nutcases everywhere and one encounters them in all lines of work, but sex industry seem to attract them more than any other.
A lot of guys are quite clever in how they go about it. They pick the most vulnerable WG: the ones whom are emotionally unstable or immature (or both), the ones whom keep sex work as secret from their family and friends, the ones whom do this work while on student/visitor visa...
 This sort of conduct is actually a form of abuse: taunting others with evidence, but denying that anything is going on. Instead, accusations of paranoia are hurled back at the victim in an attempt to dismantle their psyche.
We need to expose these behaviours constantly. Fear is a great motivator.

Shame is fundamental to preserving basic social norms. The threat of being publicly shamed is what inhibits us from behaving unacceptably.

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