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Thursday, August 29, 2013

Blurred lines of Dom services

There has been discussion on Adult Forum regarding escorts offering fetish and Dom services.
The issue is actually quite complex.

It used to be that Pro Dommes specialised in kink only and no sexual gratification of any kind was available to their clients. Sex relief of any kind was the domain of escorts.

Struggling economy changed that and at least some type sexual relief is now on the menu of many Dommes.
A lot of escorts are offering some type of fetish and Dom services as well along with standard GFE fare.
Boundaries have been blurred significantly to a point where it’s hard to distinguish pros from amateurs any more.

Internet made it even more complicated, as there are hundreds of  thousands of clips of “Pro Dom sessions” out there (many performed by amateurs and others are pure theatrics), making people believe that there is nothing to it and anyone can buy a whip, a paddle, some shiny boots and voila-a new Domme is born.
Reality, however, is that kink, when administered by someone who has not been properly trained/educated could lead to serious harm and in extreme cases, death.


The other side of the coin is that clients, in search of a bargain, put pressure on escorts to cater to fetish/kink market.
They see an ad of a WG wearing patent leather boots or corset and they call and ask for “Domination” services.

Some kink is easy to cater to. Foot fetish/worship and golden showers are becoming more and more mainstream and do not require much preparation or training.

Some guys like only the trappings of a Dom service: they want to see a WG dressed in thigh-high patent leather boots and corset, whip in her hand, maybe a bit of a strong personality shown through conversation. But that’s all they want: once they indulged their visual senses (for about 10 min or so), they want regular sexual intercourse. They certainly don’t want WG to actually use that whip.

There are clients whom like “tie-and-tease”. They want to be lightly restrained, blindfolded and tickled with hand relief as culmination. To them it’s a once-in-while activity which brings variety to their sex life.

All of the above described services could be performed by an escort safely and without any special training/skill. Some would be better than others at those, but no physical damage could be done.

Strap on is another service that’s gaining popularity and I have written about it in another post. This service requires a bit of training/knowledge, but still is fairly easy to perform.

Problems start when clients contact escorts in search of more serious Domme services.
I get calls like that fairly often, although I do not advertise as a Dominatrix.
Here’s the example:
Phone rings.
Me: Hello
Guy: Hi. I saw your ad on NZGs. Do you do Domination <SIC>
Me: I am not a Dominatrix and I don’t advertise as such. BDSM box in my ad in not ticked. But I can offer light, “make believe” play bondage, tie-and-tease, and I cater to some fetishes.
Guy: Yeah, yeah. That’s what I mean. Yeah, can I make a booking?
Me: Could you tell me a bit more of what you expect from a session?
Guy: You know tie-and-tease. Do you have boots and PVC corset?
Me: Yes, I do.
We proceed to make a booking in two hour’s time.
15 min later I get a text from him: “Do you have latex gloves? Long ones, over the elbow”
I reply: No, I don’t.
5 min later another text from him: “How about a full face hood and a ball gag for me?”
At which point I inform him that his booking is cancelled.

Several problems with that exchange:
First of all, he called someone who clearly advertises as an escort, not a Domme (most likely because my price of $200/hr is much less of that of Pro Dommes and he can expect full sex from me as well-this is what I advertise for, after all).
Expecting an escort to have serious Domme equipment is not reasonable. Putting your life in hands of someone whom is not trained properly is just crazy!
Full hood and ball gag mean that unless WG knows to (and how) monitor client’s vital signs frequently, he could die in under a minute (if she didn’t know what she was doing and applied pressure where she should never have) and she wouldn’t even know...

These sorts of requests happen a lot.
That’s part of the reason so many escorts are now offering some sort of Domme service: economy is tough and guys keep asking.
Often times a WG would agree to do this for one client and if he was happy with what she delivered, she assumes she is now an expert and starts offering the service to everyone.
It’s a dangerous way of thinking: that’s how many negative reviews are born. Just because someone liked something (that suits his particular view and preference) does not set the benchmark for service in general.

Kink/fetish clients (especially those whom really explored it at depth) are very complex and each one has to be assessed carefully, as they all have very specific needs that vary widely from one another.
No two clients are alike.
Not everyone wants to lick your boots. Not everyone wants to be spanked/beaten. Not everyone wants to have strap-on used on them.

Many of those clients require very advanced state of “mind fuck”, which is not easily achieved, certainly not when self-proclaimed “Domme” does not have her own shit together, so to speak, and is an emotional mess.

Blatant use of someone’s money/credit card is not what domination is, either.

I’ve said it before: we are all adults and as such our own keepers.

It’s irresponsible for someone to offer (potentially dangerous) services they are not trained for and know very little about. Administering a beating or tying someone up improperly could do some serious (and lasting) damage.

It’s equally irresponsible to solicit such services from someone whom does not advertise those and obviously not an expert, just because you want to save a few quid (potentially putting your health and even life in danger).


Think before you act.

1 comment:

  1. Me: Hello
    Guy: Hi. I saw your ad on NZGs. Do you do Domination
    Me: I am not a Dominatrix and I don’t advertise as such. BDSM box in my ad in not ticked. But I can offer light, “make believe” play bondage, tie-and-tease, and I cater to some fetishes.
    Guy: Yeah, yeah. That’s what I mean. Yeah, can I make a booking?
    Me: Could you tell me a bit more of what you expect from a session?
    Guy: You know tie-and-tease. Do you have boots and PVC corset?
    Me: Yes, I do.
    We proceed to make a booking in two hour’s time.
    15 min later I get a text from him: “Do you have latex gloves? Long ones, over the elbow”
    I reply: No, I don’t.
    5 min later another text from him: “How about a full face hood and a ball gag for me?”
    At which point I inform him that his booking is cancelled.

    ^^ I KNOW THAT GUY!!
    He tried to book Me after over a year or two doing it to girls I know and seemed rather put out that I had no interest in seeing him.

    ReplyDelete