Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Grave consequences of "outing" a sex worker

I saw this article in New Zealand Herald 2 days ago.

Made me think.
A lot of sex workers in Western countries are from different cultures. Whether or not they are residents of the country they work in, they often belong to communities with values that are polar opposite (or totally foreign) to mainstream ones of their country of work/residence.
Sometimes those values are extreme-as the article illustrates.

The girls in the articles are not at all sex workers. In fact, they were innocent teenagers whom were filmed dancing happily around their own house.
But because they showed their faces (and could be potentially seen by thousands of men via Internet when the video was circulated), they were gunned down along with their mother in “honour” killing.
Note: men who carried out this “honour” killing were masked and hid their faces-cowards.

Imagine if a WG from the same culture was “outed”? I shudder to think of her fate.
I know most of guys whom partake in sex services are nice and decent: the just want some fun for which they are prepared to pay.

Unfortunately, there is a number of guys (judging by internal, “for WGs only” warning boards, a very significant number) who see sex workers because they want power/control over someone they perceive as vulnerable.
In order to get their kicks (just sex for money doesn’t do it for them), they try to find out girl’s personal details (through seemingly innocent questions or Internet research or stalking) and then threaten and blackmail the girls demanding free sex or even a “relationship”.
They get off on the power play, feeling they have total control of the girl.
And if the girl refuses, they carry out their revenge by “outing” her to her family, friends, community (whether directly or by contacting authorities-such as Immigration-hence making it inevitable that girl’s family finds out).

I wonder if they realise that their behaviour may ultimately result in girl’s death.
Another person’s life-is that an acceptable price for getting your rocks off?

Yes, the situation described is extreme, but in many cultures the consequences of being found out as a sex worker are grave: the family might disown the girl; she will be cast from her community, unable to marry. In some countries she might be a subject to imprisonment or revocation of her passport (hence making it impossible for her to return home ever again).

A word of warning to those who engage in this kinds of power play: it is a very dangerous road.
The victim sees you as a reason for their misery. They often see no way out of their predicament and think it will continue for as long as you (aggressor) are alive. This cannot (and often does not) last forever.
At some point they snap and in desperation act to remove the obstacle (you) to the normal, happy, fear-free life.

I recognise that occasionally clients genuinely fall in love with a sex provider. In some cases their feelings are returned and it’s a happy ending.
Often it’s not the case. The person you think you fell in love with might be just a persona WG puts on for commercial purposes. It’s not real. And so they reject you.

No one likes rejection, but we all have experienced it and have to deal with it.
Thinking that you’ve found a way to by-pass it by blackmailing the object of your affections into loving you is not a way to go. It will not end well. Not ever.

On the other side of the spectrum, if you are a WG and another WG made you angry, deal with the situation in appropriate manner (there are several ways). “Outing” someone as revenge is the lowest form of cowardice.
And it will backfire, sure as day.

I subscribe to Eastern philosophies and am a big believer in Karma. It all comes back at you tri-fold (sometimes ten-fold).  Universe has a way of evening the score and I’ve seen it times without number throughout my life.

Treat others as you want to be treated yourself. Before you let you anger/disappointment overtake your common sense, do try to stop and think.

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