Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Grave consequences of "outing" a sex worker

I saw this article in New Zealand Herald 2 days ago.

Made me think.
A lot of sex workers in Western countries are from different cultures. Whether or not they are residents of the country they work in, they often belong to communities with values that are polar opposite (or totally foreign) to mainstream ones of their country of work/residence.
Sometimes those values are extreme-as the article illustrates.

The girls in the articles are not at all sex workers. In fact, they were innocent teenagers whom were filmed dancing happily around their own house.
But because they showed their faces (and could be potentially seen by thousands of men via Internet when the video was circulated), they were gunned down along with their mother in “honour” killing.
Note: men who carried out this “honour” killing were masked and hid their faces-cowards.

Imagine if a WG from the same culture was “outed”? I shudder to think of her fate.
I know most of guys whom partake in sex services are nice and decent: the just want some fun for which they are prepared to pay.

Unfortunately, there is a number of guys (judging by internal, “for WGs only” warning boards, a very significant number) who see sex workers because they want power/control over someone they perceive as vulnerable.
In order to get their kicks (just sex for money doesn’t do it for them), they try to find out girl’s personal details (through seemingly innocent questions or Internet research or stalking) and then threaten and blackmail the girls demanding free sex or even a “relationship”.
They get off on the power play, feeling they have total control of the girl.
And if the girl refuses, they carry out their revenge by “outing” her to her family, friends, community (whether directly or by contacting authorities-such as Immigration-hence making it inevitable that girl’s family finds out).

I wonder if they realise that their behaviour may ultimately result in girl’s death.
Another person’s life-is that an acceptable price for getting your rocks off?

Yes, the situation described is extreme, but in many cultures the consequences of being found out as a sex worker are grave: the family might disown the girl; she will be cast from her community, unable to marry. In some countries she might be a subject to imprisonment or revocation of her passport (hence making it impossible for her to return home ever again).

A word of warning to those who engage in this kinds of power play: it is a very dangerous road.
The victim sees you as a reason for their misery. They often see no way out of their predicament and think it will continue for as long as you (aggressor) are alive. This cannot (and often does not) last forever.
At some point they snap and in desperation act to remove the obstacle (you) to the normal, happy, fear-free life.

I recognise that occasionally clients genuinely fall in love with a sex provider. In some cases their feelings are returned and it’s a happy ending.
Often it’s not the case. The person you think you fell in love with might be just a persona WG puts on for commercial purposes. It’s not real. And so they reject you.

No one likes rejection, but we all have experienced it and have to deal with it.
Thinking that you’ve found a way to by-pass it by blackmailing the object of your affections into loving you is not a way to go. It will not end well. Not ever.

On the other side of the spectrum, if you are a WG and another WG made you angry, deal with the situation in appropriate manner (there are several ways). “Outing” someone as revenge is the lowest form of cowardice.
And it will backfire, sure as day.

I subscribe to Eastern philosophies and am a big believer in Karma. It all comes back at you tri-fold (sometimes ten-fold).  Universe has a way of evening the score and I’ve seen it times without number throughout my life.

Treat others as you want to be treated yourself. Before you let you anger/disappointment overtake your common sense, do try to stop and think.

Fantasy and reality (don't mix the two)

In the past few months I’ve noticed a few comments made on various sex industry forums by clients who have seen WG in casual surrounding: they’ve passed them on the street or seen them in the store.

The guys made comments about those WGs appearance. For instance, one guy commented that, although a particular girl hasn’t been advertising, he saw her on the street with her friends and she looked like she “ate too many candy bars and her face showed too many late night parties).

I realise there was no malice in the comments, HOWEVER...
You need to understand that this is the INDUSTRY forum, from which these girls derive a good portion of their income.

When you have paid for girl’s time (as in had a booking with her or even a paid coffee/dinner date), you have every right to come on the forum and comment on her appearance and the service you have received-whether it’s good, bad or different.
If you haven’t paid for her time (and, in fact, she had no idea you’ve seen her), it is unfair to make comments that could potentially affect her income negatively.

Most WGs (yes, I understand not all), especially truly professional ones, put a great deal of effort into preparing for the booking. This includes dressing carefully and applying make-up.
Believe you me, carefully applied make-up and hair style can make a world of difference and render a person almost unrecognisable a times.

Moisturising mask, eye cream, and steam facial will remove any traces of “tired” look, eye shadow applied certain way will make eyes look bigger, certain colours of lipstick will make lips look fuller and expertly applied blusher will give an appearance of high cheekbones.

Not to mention mineral powder make-up that will even out skin tone and hide all imperfections, giving a face a natural, healthy looking “glow”.

High heels, especially the ones shaped with the curve “under” the sole will visually elongate legs and make hips look smaller.

Stockings with high lace tops pulled up to certain heights over the knee will make legs longer still.

Corset will cinch the waste giving the appearance of “hourglass” figure.

Certain colours of clothes will reflect on face, giving it a rosy healthy tint.

Not to mention more advanced procedures: 45 min of Cavi-Lipo will significantly “flatten” the stomach (effect lasts for several hours) and so will 1 hour “slimming” body wrap.
IPL photo rejuvenation facial will erase few years, especially combined with LED red light or blue light. Same with acid peel and microdermabrasion.
The list goes on.

To stay in shape, a lot of girls work out. What they look like during exercise, without any make-up, hair pulled back into pony tail or a bun (or sticking out everywhere), comfy work-out clothes, all sweaty and unkempt is often a far cry from carefully coiffed appearance that client sees in a booking.

So, unless you have seen a WG professionally, kindly refrain from commenting on her appearance that may not be at all a reflection of what she looks like “fully done” and ready for “commercial consumption”, so to speak, based on fleeting encounter on the street/shop.

Problem with industry forums is that a lot of people are lurkers: there could be quite literally hundreds of people looking at your comments and, based on those, make the decision not to book a girl. Even if only one person decided not to book, it is still anywhere between $100-$250 loss for her, when all she did was walk down the street in her own spare time.

Guys, you pay your hard-earned money for a fantasy.  If the girl didn’t deliver the fantasy or fell short of your expectations, by all means, air out your grievance.
But reality is girl’s own. It often has nothing to do with persona she sells commercially. So if you accidentally got a glimpse of it, leave it be. She wasn’t working-so you can’t associate what you saw with her work.

It may come as a surprise, but we don’t lounge around in our sexy lingerie, stockings and high heels all day long, perfectly made up and coiffed on our immaculately made up beds in our boudoirs: we have lives J