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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The difference between commercial and free NSA sex

I often hear statements such as “I love my job (as a sex worker) because I just love sex and I would do it for free” and similar.
How true is this? And if true, just how great of a service these girls who say it provide?

I enjoy sex quite a bit. But to me there is a difference between having sex for fun and pleasure and providing commercial sex service.

Yes, the two do mix sometimes, but not all the time. Professionalism means providing consistent service at all times to each and every client. One’s personal pleasure and preferences take a back seat in commercial situation (in any profession, but this is especially and profoundly true in sex industry).

I will illustrate with some real life examples.

Let me set the background.

My GF who has never been a sex worker does enjoy sex as much as the next girl/guy.

She is petit, slim and very attractive with great personality and fantastic sense of humour. People are drawn to her. She is often approached by men as well as women.
She is also well-integrated person, secure in her self-worth and does not seek validation through others. When she wants something, she simply asks for it.

This very much applies to sex. She is on various “hook up” sites: “Blendr” and “Xdating” type. When she feels the urge, she either looks there or calls someone she hooked up with before. She doesn’t act like it’s a great favour she bestows on the guy-she simply views it as an equal opportunity to have some fun and “get rocks off”.

She works as a receptionist in a parlour.

A lot of times parlour clients attempt to hit on her and ask her out. She usually declines.

This one guy kept doing it: every time he came in, he hit on my GF despite the fact that he always gotten a service from one of the WGs who work in that parlour.

One day, he came in when my GF’s shift was almost over and she just happened to be horny.
When he hit on her (yet again), she simply said “OK, let’s go to mine” (she lived not far from the parlour).

The guy was beside himself-he thought Christmas came early.

When they got to her place, she took him to the bedroom without any further ado. Just as anyone else, my GF likes certain things: she likes skilled kissers for instance.

This guy wasn’t that grand in that department, but she was horny and decided to proceed.

And then he went to do that dreadful thing that many men seem to think is the thing to do.
Girls call it “helicopter” or “dishwasher” move: that’s when a guy rubs his palm over clitoris area in circular motion (sometimes quite fast). This and the “slapping of the vagina” (as if they are trying to put out a fire in a hurry) got to be the most disliked moves out there (by girls-guys are mostly oblivious).

After few minutes of this, my GF lost any sexual desire she had. She was now bored, annoyed and decidedly not horny.

She said to the guy (calmly and matter of fact) “look, I don’t want to do this anymore. You have to go”.
He was genuinely taken aback. “What do you mean?” he asked. She repeated her request and added that the two of them don’t appear to gel in sexual way.
“Well, that’s kind of rude” was his reply “What about me?”
“What about you?” she asked.
“Aren’t you going to do something for me?” he went “I did something for you”.
“Well, you didn’t actually do anything for me, I am afraid, and I certainly don’t feel like doing anything for you at this stage. I am not horny anymore”
The guy left sulking.

What’s the moral of the story?

When sex is free and non-committal between two consenting adults, there is no obligation for either party to please the other. Normally two (or more) people engage in sex because they feel horny and need to get their rocks off.
Hence achieving one’s climax/pleasure is the goal.

The issue is often complicated by dynamics of personal emotions: if people are in love, they want to please the other party.
If one party is eager to connect themselves to another in a more permanent way (partnership and marriage), they try to impress them and do their best to please them.
If one party is seeking sex with another with hopes of a reward (promotion, for instance), it is all about pleasing.

But when it is genuine NSA, the playing field should be equal for both parties.

How many times guys comment on the fact that they lost their erection/desire/mood when they saw the girl without her clothes on/she said something that turned them off/she was just laying there like a starfish/she smelled bad upon close examination.
Well, same rules apply to women in free NSA attached sex. A guy cannot expect the woman to “finish the job” or even do any specific sexual acts just as he is not expected to.

I think a lot of guys (especially those who partake in “the hobby”) forget this and tend to apply “commercial” mind frame to private non-commercial situations.


I’ve known women who really enjoy skilled oral performed on them. Some of the girls I’ve been with take as long as 20 min to cum, making my neck cramp and tongue go almost numb. And when they did cum, the tryst was over: they were happy to cuddle and kiss, but not to return the favour.

It is perfectly fine in lesbian world, as often some girls are “top” and some “bottom” and it is clear who is doing what to whom. Plus, orgasm can be achieved in many different ways for women, so there is lots of fun to be had by everyone in many different ways ;).

But imagine how a guy would react if a woman said “That was great, dear, and thank you” after receiving 20 min or so of oral and leaving him with “blue balls”?
Imagine doing this in a commercial situation? Yeah, that’s right...LOL..

A lot of punters who say things like “I love to give pleasure to women” are not entirely truthful. Yes, they love to see a woman cum-because it strokes their ego. They feel like the world’s greatest lovers once they achieve it. And that’s what they are really after.
That’s why they try so relentlessly to find a perfect “one fits all” blueprint to induce an orgasm in every woman they have sex with.

Unfortunately, due to emotional dynamics specified above, they often are lied to by women who want to please them and fake orgasms to that end.
Even worse pool to exercise one’s skills is sex industry: WGs are getting paid to please the customer. Of course they going to act like you sent them to orgasmic stratosphere with your tongue, penis, and fingers.

But back to my GF.

She has stopped sex and asked guys to leave (or left herself) on many occasions.

One time the guy kept jerking his penis and looking down on it while they (my GF and him) were kissing. I guess he was trying to get it hard, but she was in no hurry and not putting any pressure on him. Yet he didn’t seem to focus on the moment or on her-his entire attention was on his *limp* penis. After 10 min of this she got annoyed and left.

Another time the guy said he was a great kisser when she asked and turned out to be terrible: sloppy face licker and someone who stuck his tongue all the way down her throat after only a few seconds. She stopped him and asked him to leave.

I’ve outlined specifics of providing sex commercially in another blog post:

http://courtesansdiary.blogspot.co.nz/2013/12/choosing-career-as-sex-worker-for-love.html



It is, indeed, very different ball game from free NSA sex, notwithstanding the fact that a provider does not really get to choose the client (some do to a point, but we can’t even see what the client looks like in most cases before we accept the booking, nor should it make any difference whatsoever, I hasten to add).

I am a realist (not optimist or pessimist). I have very clear understanding of what life and its different aspects are like.
We’ve got to work with reality as we find it, not how we wish it was.
I think that’s why a lot of people like me: I don’t put on airs or insult their intelligence with overly “cotton candy” “rose tinted glasses” statements and views.
Yes, my job involves fair degree of acting, but it has to be presented in realistic and palatable manner, not in a way that makes clients cringe.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Enjoy and appreciate the abundance of the Festive season

Festive Season is upon us once again.

Time for parties, presents, family gatherings, joy and laughter.

As we enjoy this time of festive indulgence, I wanted to remember a cold December 72 years ago: December of 1941.

World War II in Russia. German Operation Barbarossa is at Leningrad’s (St.Petersburg) gates.

These are the excerpts from the book “Mastering the Art of Soviet Cooking: a Memoir of Food and Longing” by Anya von Bremzen.

On September 8, Shlisselburg, a strategically important town nearby on Lake Ladoga, fell to the Germans. Russia’s second-largest city was now completely cut off by land: no transport, no provisions, no fuel. It was the start of Blokada, the Siege of Leningrad, which would last a mythic nine hundred days.

Kobona, a village on the span of Lake Ladoga’s frigid Suth Eastern shore still in Russian hands was where make-shift hospital had been set up for evacuees from Peter The Great’s imperial city, which Hitler meant to raze to the ground.
The emaciated arrivals, mostly women and children were give half a liter of warm water and spoonfuls of gruel. Some ate and instantly died, their dystrophied bodies unable to handle the food.

The one route in and out of blockaded Leningrad lay across twenty perilous miles of windswept snow-covered lake ice to the opposite shore-through enemy fire. This was the legendary Doroga Zhizni, the Road of Life, a route desperately improvised by authorities and meteorologists in the second month of the Siege as the temperatures sank and the lake froze over.
This first terrible winter-the coldest in decades-and the two following, trucks labouring over The Road of Life carried the only supplies into a city where rations fell to four ounces of ersatz bread a day, and vintage parquet floors and precious rare books were burned as fuel in the minus-thirty-degree cold.
The besieged ate sweetened soil around a sugar warehouse bombed by the Germans, and papier-mache bookbindings, even jelly made out of softened carpenter glue-not to mention far more gruesome stuff. More than fifty thousand people perished in December 1941 alone.
On their two daily runs along the Road of Life, exhausted drivers fought sleep by hanging a metal pot from the cab ceiling, which rattled and hit them on the head. German shells and bombs fell constantly. Often the ice caved in.

Dairies from the Leningrad Siege leave bone-chilling details of the economics of starvation.

Ushanka (flap hat)=four ounces of bread; men’s galoshes=five ounces of bread; used samovar=two pounds of bread.

Families hid the death of relatives so they could continue using the deceased monthly bread kartochki (ration cards): printed on one large sheet of paper, a month’s worth of square coupons with an official stmp, the recipient’s name and signature, and a stern warning-CARDS NOT REPLACEABLE-because corruption and counterfeiting ran rampart.
Lost your kartochki? Good luck surviving.

Starvation was nowhere as horrifying, as extreme, as it was in Leningrad, during those nine hundred days.
This is a photo of ration card book.





Place of issue: Leningrad. Date: December 1941, the third month of the terrible Siege, which claimed around a million lives. Temperatures plunged to minus thirty. There was no heat, no electricity, no running water in the frozen city; sewage pipes burst from the cold; transport stood motionless. People were dying walking down the street: they sat down on snow mounds to rest, exhausted from starvation, and froze to death. Peter The Great’s imperial capital resembled a snow-covered graveyard where emaciated crowds, so many soon to be ghosts, lined up for their ration of bread.
By December 1941 the rations had fallen to 250 grams for industrial workers; for all other citizens, 125 grams-barely four ounces of something sticky and damp, adulterated with sawdust and cattle fodder and cellulose. But those 125 grams, those twenty small daily bites gotten with a puny square of paper, were often the difference between survival and death.
An image like this calls for a moment of silence

Let’s all be grateful for what we have, as life can change in a instant.


Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Choosing a career as a sex worker: for love or money?

An interesting discussion developed on www.adultforum.co.nz a few days ago.
The original poster (an ex-WG) asked why others choose the sex trade as a career, but eliminated money/income potential as an option.



One of the punters pointed out that the premise is faulty, as money certainly would be the major (if not the first and foremost) consideration for someone embarking on a career of having sex with strangers.

Some girls objected, claiming they do the job because they really enjoy meeting people, love sex, get a sense of accomplishment when they’ve made someone happy, great flexibility and freedom, opportunities to travel, etc.
Well, let’s think about it for a minute.

Things like flexibility, freedom and travel opportunities all have to do with money that the job earns.

While one would be able to earn comparable amounts doing other work, it would more often than not involve rigid business/office hours and only limited number of vacation days (which would need to be scheduled in advance).

For example: as a lawyer, to make a certain amount per year, one has to put in the hours, attend scheduled court dates (which are not up to her/him to choose) and be available to clients so “billable hours” would pile up creating the income. A lawyer can’t really stop working whenever he wants and then just pick up where he left off without seriously damaging his income flow.

Same with doctors-even more structured. Most other professions are subject to same restrictions...

Even free-lancers (in IT, journalism, etc) have to maintain presence/continue working least they fall into the backs of potential client’s minds (out of site-out of mind) and lose prospective commissions to their more eager colleagues.

Not so with sex workers. All it takes is online (or newspaper) and a phone. Money is quick and amounts are significant: one can make anywhere from a couple of hundred to several thousand a day, then disappear for as long as they wish and come back to find more eager punters. In fact, often times sex worker is regarded as “new” after a long absence and can actually make more money than she did before she stopped.

Sex worker can stop working on any given day at any time if they feel tired/worn out/stressed and then just start back again the next day/ week/month without any damage to her earning potential.

So, ultimately, the flexibility, freedom and ability to travel (having money to pay for it and being able to take off whenever you wish for as long as you want without damage to potential earnings) have to do with money.

Now to the claims of doing the job for the satisfaction of it, sheer love of sex, etc.

The ultimate litmus test would be this question:

If you won/inherited a significant amount of money (5 million +) tomorrow, would you continue doing sex work as a career?

It is a good question, because people whom chose their career for the love it rather than money certainly would.

An artist (painter, writer, actor, etc) for example would be overjoyed that he can now do what he loves and not worry about making a living. In fact, they would probably purchase a gallery/theatre/publishing company so can showcase their work.
A friend of mine (now deceased, sadly), although not at all rich had self-published her book (it cost her small fortune).

Lawyers would certainly continue providing their services to close family members, at least, and so would the doctors.

Especially dedicated ones, whom truly chose their profession for the love of it, would use their new found fortune to go to less fortunate/third world/disaster affected countries to continue working there.

But would any hooker, regardless of how much she says she loves her job continue sucking c***k for money when she has 5+ million in the bank?

I think we all know the answer to this if we are completely honest with ourselves.

Please note that offering sex for money as a commercial service is very different from just having sex with strangers for free.

Not every client is pleasant, polite and considerate, no matter how hard tight your screening process is.

As a commercial service provider, you have to (at all times):

-Look impeccable and often dress to client’s specs in clothes that might be uncomfortable

-Maintain good condition of your body, skin and hair-slim WGs are still the preference of the majority of punters.

-Censor your opinions as to not offend the client.

-Look and act happy, engaged, enthusiastic, happy to see him even if client does not evoke those emotions

-Engage in acts you might not particularly enjoy or be simply indifferent to or don’t feel like performing on that particular day

-Provide enough “feedback” through acting to satisfy the client (for example, if you naturally a very quiet “cummer”, you’d have to provide “sound effects” for the benefit of the client)

-Engage in multiple positions throughout the booking, even the ones you don’t particularly like or the ones that make you self-conscious/uncomfortable (while in free sex situation you can just relax and enjoy and sometimes do nothing but lay back and receive ministrations)

-You have to see the booking to the end (vs. stopping whenever you feel like or even asking a person to leave in non-commercial situation).

Don’t get me wrong: I do like my job. If I didn’t, I most certainly would not be doing it. But the first and foremost reason for choosing it and continuing to do it is money and everything it brings with it: flexibility, freedom, travel, ability to treat my friends to dinners, etc.

Saturday, November 30, 2013

Screening clients over the phone


All WGs adopt some form of screening process, even in the countries where prostitution is legal.
This has to do with weeding out many time-wasters, unsavoury and unstable/dangerous types providers have to deal with on a regular basis.



There is no fool-proof, guaranteed blueprint for this process. Sometimes perfectly nice guys don’t get a booking because they said something that raised red flag without realising it.

Personally, I am happy to accept that I lose some money as a result of my screening process in exchange for peace of mind.

Whenever possible, clients should imagine themselves in WG’s shoes: inviting a complete stranger who is most certainly bigger and stronger than they are and sexually charged in their home, to be alone and naked with. Just think of vulnerability one feels.

I will offer some examples of potential bookings I have rejected and explain the reasons why I’ve done so.
I want to make it very clear that persons described could be the nicest, sweetest, most wonderful people on Earth; however the way they went about making a booking raised some red flags.

Story #1:

I receive a call from foreign-sounding woman. She informs me that she is on a speakerphone so her husband can hear/participate in conversation. They are calling to inquire about my couples’s service.
So far so good.

Her husband jumps into the conversation and asks me if I offer this service (I do, as clearly stated in my ad along with the price). He says they “just wanted to check”. OK, fair enough.

I ask them when they would like to book a session and it gets a bit confusing, as he says they wanted to do it yesterday (?), but got busy, so now they are thinking about next week.
That’s fine with me and I tell them to call me when they know what date and time suits them the best. We say out goodbyes, and I wish them a lovely day.

An hour later my phone rings-it’s the husband, calling from a different number and telling me that he has “received permission” from his wife to see me on his own, as she is gone away (none of which was mentioned an hour ago). He wants to come in for a booking that same day for 2 hours to “see how it goes”.

It’s 11:30am and he wants 2pm booking, which is fine, but when I ask him to confirm, he says he will “call me back in 5 min”.

During this conversation he clearly makes an effort to make it sound like we (him and I) now know each other.
When he calls back in 30 min (not 5 as promised), he starts with “Wazz up” in Russian for a greeting.
I deliberately use this expression to emphasize that he attempts to portray himself as a good friend, known and trusted: the particular phrase he used is something one would address a very good friend or acquaintance with in Russia.

I ask in English “I am sorry, who is this” and he replies “It’s me, of course”. I ask him where he is from (Eastern European country).
After a very brief (about a second) consideration I decline the booking.

Here are the reasons why:

I get a fair number of couples inquiring and partaking in my services. Usually it is a guy whom contacts me and arranges everything. Sometimes (rarely), it is a woman who organises everything.
Having a woman on a speakerphone with her husband/partner simultaneously seems like an overkill, especially just for an inquiry (remember, they weren’t making a booking, just talking about a possibility of one. They weren’t asking any specific questions, either, which would be legitimate reason to both of them to be on the phone). General perception is that women are harmless, safe and trustworthy (along with children and puppies). Many “confidence scams” are based on this.

In and all itself it wasn’t a big deal, however, and at that stage I was happy to accept their booking.
As you remember, they were talking about next week.

So when the guy calls from a different number an hour later and tells me that he “received permission” to come see me on his own because his wife is away and he wants to do it today, it sounded a bit off.
There was no mention of his wife going away in the first conversation.

Although he stated his desired time clearly (2pm) initially, when asked to confirm, he says he will call me back “in 5 min”.

Another red flag is that he wants a 2 hour booking, although he just wants to “see how it goes”.

It is a big misconception among punters that longer bookings are highly desirable by WGs.
It is not at all the case.
Fact is, we can all spot “phone wankers” (guys who call just to talk to WG and get off on it without any intention of making a booking) because they inquire about “5 hours” or “overnight”. They think they have a greater chance to capture girl’s interest/keep her communicating when they dangle a promise of “big money”... LMAO...

Reality is, a prospect of 5 hours (let alone overnight) with a complete stranger is daunting to say the least, as WG doesn’t know what the expectations are. She might be stuck in a room with someone who wants to pound her like a fillet for the entire time or someone who’s manner is offensive, intimidating, unpleasant-take your pick.

Usually WGs prefer longer booking with clients they have met before.

Personally I accept longer bookings with some new clients, but it is usually guys whom have read my blog, seen my website and followed my posts on sex industry forums. I always have a bit of chat with them before accepting the booking to gauge expectations and/or read reviews they’ve posted about other WGs first.

But back to my story. When I hung up the second time, I was full of doubt. I decided to think about this for a few minutes. When the guy rang 30 min later and started with that “Wazz up” in Russian, my mind was made up-I didn’t want a booking.

One might ask what the hell my problem was.

Situation had earmarks of time-compressed “confidence scam”: a woman to start with to ease the way for the guy, repeated phone calls to create familiarity and the sense of “known and trusted friend”, use of my native language. That last one is very popular, as in “we are one of a kind, you and I. You can trust me. I am one of your own”.

Unfortunately, in the recent years there were quite a few cases here in NZ (and in many other countries) of various no-good types from Eastern Europe (which is where that guy was from).
Those cases range from drug trafficking to ATM scam/rip-off to credit card numbers spoofing and, yes, ever present human trafficking.

Last year, while working in a Melbourne parlour, I was booked by Eastern European guy whom promptly offered me a “deal” as soon as he got in the room with me: he comes back the next day, books me for 10 hours, he pays with stolen (spoofed) credit card, we do nothing in the room but chat and I give him back half of my portion (which parlour always pays to the girl in cash immediately, before the booking commences, regardless of client’s method of payment).
I said “Sure” to the guy, as I didn’t want him to turn on me, but reported him to the management as soon as he was out of the door.

If the guy who called me (my NZ story) was up to no good and wanted to involve me in his dealings (I am NOT saying he was, but I had to do risk assessment), I would be truly screwed.
He would know where I live and when I refuse his *whatever illegal* proposition (which I definitely would), he would view me as a threat: I saw his face, know what he was up to, etc.
He might attempt various intimidation techniques to get me to cooperate, as he would be able to stalk me and watch my movements and whereabouts. Or worse.

So I made an executive decision to not get involved with this person altogether. Yes, there is a possibility that it was all perfectly innocent and I just lost several hundred dollars. But guess what? I can live with that. My peace of mind, sanity and well-being is way more important.

Story #2:

I receive a text at 9:15am on a Sat morning asking if I am available.
I reply affirmatively and ask the texter about desired time and duration of the booking. He takes his time replying, and then asks for an hour at 10am.

I try calling to confirm, but he doesn’t answer. I text explaining I require a voice call confirmation, tried calling, but he didn’t pick up.
He calls 10 min later, at which point I decline the booking.
Why, you ask?

Here we go:

He text outside of my *clearly stated* business hours (and please note that 9:15am on a Sat is NOT a common working hour for any private WG) and asked for a short notice booking which I do not offer (again, stated in my ad).
Overall, it’s not a big deal, but this tells me that he is a “boundary pusher” and these types tend to push boundaries in the room as well.

I’ve had over my quota of “boundary pushers” this week and am not very keen on yet another one (and for an hour, too).

Of note also is his chosen method of communication (text) and the length of time it takes him to reply. It tells me that he is “shopping around”: texting multiple WGs looking for the best deal.
Guys who want to see a specific WG, especially on a short notice, usually call, as they want to get an answer as soon as possible.

Please don’t get me wrong: I full well realise I might not be the first (or even second or third) choice of any punter, what’s with hundreds of choices out there and clients most definitely have every right to look for the best deal. However, I have a choice (and the right given to me by PRA) to decline the booking for any reason.
Guys who obviously “shop around” are more likely to cancel in the last minute if they get a better deal from someone else.

Some days, when I am working online at home, it’s not an issue, but on this lovely sunny Sat morning I had plans (that didn’t involve clients, sex or even putting my make-up on) and didn’t feel like stressing myself rushing around getting ready, putting my make-up, stalking, corset and heels on, doing my hair, lighting the candles, setting up the room (spending about 40 min doing it all) to be told it’s all for nothing in the last moment.

Hence my decision to decline the booking.

Yes, I might have lost $200, but in exchange I’ve got a lovely morning, free of stress and aggravation.

Other common “red flags” are:

-Making a confirmed booking, getting WG’s address ad THEN starting to ask about what the girl looks like, what she charges and her services. That’s a trademark of an “address hunter”

-Calling and asking very general questions, like “Tell me about your service” (when it is described in the ad) or “So what outfits do you have”. It smacks of “phone wanker”/time waster. Better way is to state what it is specifically you are after and ask the girl if she can provide it.

-Asking the girl how busy she is that day. It’s unproductive and irrelevant. Besides, do you really want to know how “busy” she is? Just tell her what time/duration you are looking for and ask if she is available then.

-Saying things like “It’s my first time with you, so I will just book half an hour and we’ll see how it goes”. Honestly guys, WGs don’t care how long of a booking you want, so long as you state it clearly, as they need to plan their day. WGs don’t do “save the hour”s. She is not going to decline another client with a confirmed booking because you said *very vaguely* “we’ll see how it goes” implying you might want to extend, but not committing to anything. If you do want to extend at the end of the time you’ve booked/paid for and she is free and willing, she’ll do it. If not, book for longer next time.

Overall, clear concise approach always works the best: state where you seen WG’s ad, confirm that she provides specific services/outfits you desire, state the date/time/duration of your booking and ask if she is available. Simple.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

WGs STEALING CLIENTS (truth comes out eventually)

WGs Stealing clients (truth comes out eventually)

As any business, sex business is not immune to dirty tactics employed by competitors.
Here is a story from www.adultforum.co.nz as told by a very experienced prominent punter:

I have seen two credible reports of it in European forums.

Dave the punter makes a booking to see Suzi the escort. Suzi tells Dave to go to a well known bar and to ring her from outside the bar's entrance. She can see him there from her window and when he rings she directs him to the door to her building and tells him to enter 3197 on the keypad.


Dave does that and Suzi answers the door intercom and tells Dave to take the lift to the fourth floor, turn right on leaving the lift and walk along to room 422. She then buzzes him in and goes to the door and waits.

Dave rides up to the fourth, turns right and starts looking for 422. As he passes one door, it opens and a voice inside says "are you here for me? I am Suzi." Dave is slightly aware that this might not be room 422 but he may have misheard and there is no number on this door so he goes in for his punt. 

Meanwhile in 422 the real Suzi is wondering where the **** is her client. She cannot believe that another client just vanished and she is also worried that he now knows her address.

One day, one of the disappearing Dave's posts a review saying the Suzi is nothing like her photos and her service was rotten. 

That's when the **** really hits the fan.

And here is a true story. Happened to yours truly.

Before I’ve decided to go private in NZ after working for an agency for a while, I’ve done my homework: I’ve started writing a blog a few months prior, had a professional website built and joined online forum for sex industry (the only forum of its kind in NZ)

I lived in Wellington when I first started working privately, but moved to Auckland a few months later.

I worked hard on building my clientele and reputation. As I travel abroad frequently, I used to post updates on my travel dates on the forum-sometimes I would be away from New Zealand for as long as 2-3 months.

Online forums are very good marketing platform for WGs, but discussions and debates there could quickly escalate and become personal. Comments made towards WGs could be unkind to say the least.
As one WG put it, forums are “rough kind of places” and could become soul-destroying.
They are not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure.

A lot of girls read them, but only a handful actively participate.

One of Auckland WGs decided she could have it both ways: reap the rewards of active forum participation without actually doing it.

She started by adopting my working name for herself: she suddenly changed all her advertising to “Yana” (after having two other  working names prior to that).

Now, lots of girls have same names, but those are usually common ones: Anna, for instance or Katy or even Samantha.

Yana is not a very popular name, definitely not in Western world. I chose this name to highlight my heritage (Russian).
That girl (the one who took my name) was Asian (Malaysian specifically), so Yana was not a common name in her culture.

There is no law that prevents girls from taking other girl’s names ad usually it is not a big deal.

It is slightly different in NZ, as it is a small country and has only one online forum. 
It makes a huge difference here when a prospective client sees an ad for “Yana” and puts a search for that name on the forum looking for reviews: that girl didn’t have that many reviews and I had a lot and it wasn’t always clear which “Yana” the review was for.

Although that girl advertised as SM (sensual massage), she offered FS (full service) if the client so desired, which made things even more complicated.

According to her reviews and comments from her clients, she offered great service, so I can only assume she aimed to increase her business by appropriating my name.

One might argue that I would benefit from this as well, but reality is far from it.

I specialise in GFE (girl friend experience) and FS. This means my premises are set up to accommodate this: everything is soft, plush, upscale and is designed to create an atmosphere of slow unrushed intimacy. I worked really hard on eliminating anything that would give an “institutional”, “clinical” feeling.
This means I do not have a massage table, there are no vinyl anything or hard surfaces.
I also do not use oil, as it makes condoms break.

So when a client calls and asks for a massage with “happy ending”, I:
A)   Tell him that I charge my normal rates for that (they usually expect it to be cheaper)
B)    Explain that my premises are not really set up for massage and I do not use oil
This usually means that no booking eventuates.

But for that girl it was a win/win situation, as she advertised SM and offered FS for additional fee: she got the best of both worlds.

But she didn’t stop there, as I found out later.

Every time I went overseas, I would get random texts occasionally always asking for a massage with happy ending. I couldn’t figure it out: my ad was not running, so why these guys were contacting me?
I just wrote it off to people saving my number (which still didn’t explain SM requests, though).

Then one day, when I was in Hong Kong, I got this text: "Hi yana. How much for 1hr massage and relief? Where on new north are u?"





I’ve decided to dig further and asked the texter where he seen my ad and whether it was specifically for massage:



This was his reply: "Was in nz herald but think it was old add maybe!" "Sorry, I saw it tonight after googling this area around new north rd! Yes, was for massage"





And then it finally dawned on me: that girl cloned my phone number! She assumed that I have a separate “work” phone which I turn off when I go away and watched the forum carefully so she knew my departure/arrival dates.

There is absolutely no doubt about it, as I have never advertised in NZ Herald for a massage and I have never worked anywhere on New North Rd: which is the information she clearly put in the ad, as the client searched the internet for “massage New North Rd”.

I did advertise in NZ Herald ONCE when I first came to Auckland: it was for 3 days only and the ad did not state my name, nor did it offer  a massage. That ad stated “CBD” as well for location (NOT "New North Rd")

All the pieces fell together. 
I now understood all those stray texts asking for SM when I wasn’t even advertising and some strange threads started on the forum by unknown members that in retrospect were clearly designed to figure out how long I would be away and my exact return date.

Armed with proof, I’ve contacted the main advertising medium both myself and that girl were using and asked them to demand a "cease and decease" of  her activities using my name.
By then I have secured exclusive rights to my working name by paying a yearly fee, so my request was reasonable.

The girl in question is now retired from what I heard. Realistically, she probably got several thousand dollars from using my name.


They say imitation is the best form of flattery... Well, maybe. But it is a small comfort when one works really hard and someone else reaps significant financial rewards of that hard work. There is a word for it-stealing. And the person doing it is nothing but a thief.
I am not impressed.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Payments and refunds for sex services

Payments and refunds for sex services



Internet changed sex industry: along with online advertising and review forums it brought higher expectations and standards.

In words of Madam Becky (from her book “Madam: Prostitutes, Punters and Puppets, Memoirs of a very British Brothel”):
“Clients these days are fussy. Not grateful, like they used to be. Not delighted and fascinated to find a smoothly mown lady garden under a racy pair of panties. With all types of porn just two clicks away, most boys seem to grow up not realising that girls even have pubic hair or small deflated breasts. People want it all now. They want it cheap and they want it quick”.

These days one hears a lot of demands for a refund when a punter feels his expectations weren’t met.
Fair enough- I have no problem with that at all.
Just how much of a refund one is entitled is a tricky issue,though, due to the specifics of the industry: the service is very personal and intimate and not at all tangible.
But in a way, it’s quite similar to other businesses.

Say you are at a restaurant for dinner. You see fillet mignon on the menu, described as tender, juicy, cooked to perfection with pink moist centre and “guaranteed to melt in your mouth”.  It comes with sautéed potatoes and some veggies.
Your mouth water just reading the description and you order it as soon as waitress approaches your table.

However, when the waitress reappears several minutes later carrying what was meant to be your fillet, you see a New York strip on the plate that looks like an old tough shoe sole before you even tasted it.

Your immediate reaction should be “I am sorry; this is NOT what I’ve ordered. I’ve asked for fillet mignon.”

If the waitress apologises for her mistakes and delivers the correct order, all is good.

If she says “Sorry, but the Chef informed me that we are out of fillet mignon, so he sent this instead”, you should politely refuse to accept and either select something else from the menu that you find appealing or leave. In latter case the establishment should not charge you for the drink you had while waiting for your order, as they failed to inform you in timely manner that fillet you wanted was not available.

If the waitress did come back very shortly after taking your order (2-3) min to apologise about the unavailability of the fillet and offering you to choose something else, all is good-proceed with another selection.

If the fillet you’ve ordered has, indeed, arrive a rule of thumb that is used in better eating establishments is “two minutes/two bites”.
It means the server should come back in about 2 min (or after you’ve taken two bites of your meal-whichever comes first) to check that everything is to your liking. If yes, all is good, if not, they should offer to fix the problem (depending on what it is) by either cooking your steak more or offering you another menu selection.

If you have eaten most (or all) of your steak (which constitutes the biggest part of the price of the meal), full refund (or replacement with another meal) is no longer an option.

If the waitress came to clear your empty (or nearly empty) plate and you start bitching about how the steak “wasn’t what you expected” and “didn’t taste that good” or the vegetables were overcooked (or undercooked), etc, she would be surprised to hear all that when you’ve eaten most (or all) of the meal and haven’t attempted to complain at any time prior.
The most you could expect at this stage is offer of a free drink or dessert.
You main meal (steak) won’t be “comped”

Above scenario could be used as approximate guideline for sex services.
When you turn up for a booking (having seen WG’s ad online and having fairly good idea of what to expect), you should imagine a clock/time counter in your head that is set for the duration of the time you’ve booked-say 1 hour/60 min (similar to the one pictured at the top of this post).
This counter/timer is sitting still while you knocking on the door and are greeted by a WG.
If the WG is NOT AT ALL what was portrayed in the photos, the best thing to do is to beat a hasty retreat (no need to be rude-just politely tell her she does not match her ad).
At this stage the time counter never moves and you owe no money.

If a WG does look like her photos and you enter her premises and start a conversation, the time counter starts moving (slowly at this stage).

When the girl takes her clothes off, the counter moves a bit faster. You put your hands and/or mouth on the girl, it moves faster yet.

Once you’ve inserted your penis in her vagina and start pumping, the movement of the counter becomes a blur: similar to the electric meter on Invercargill house in the dead of the winter when a heater cranked up to the max in every room.

As sex services are billed in time increments in New Zealand and Australia, duration of overall booking is of importance as well.
If  the girl looks great and everything is fantastic, but she attempts to kick you out after you’ve ejaculated on 25 min mark, you should ask for a refund in the difference between the price of half a hour and one hour booking.

If a WG looks great, but lacks in attitude/enthusiasm/skills department, you should inform her of this as soon as it becomes apparent and either stop the booking demanding partial refund (amount will depend on what took place so far) or ask for immediate adjustments.

If a WGs specifically advertised certain things/sexual acts you are fond of and you explicitly clarified on the phone (while making a booking) that they are, indeed available, but upon commencement of the booking a WG is suddenly unwilling to deliver on her promises, please follow the script above (stop the booking-ask for partial refund-or ask her to deliver services/acts promised).

If you chose to have a conversation with a WG for most of the duration of your booking, the counter was, indeed, moving (if it was her doing that in an attempt not to do what she was booked to do, you should bring this to her attention fairly early ad ask to move on to the "main event". If she didn't do so after a couple of prompts, revert to the same script above).

If you have certain things in mind and/or like the flow of the booking to be in particular order, you need to inform the WG of this clearly. Communication is the key. She can’t read your mind. It is really unfair NOT to ask for things and later write a bad review complaining that they weren’t performed.

Exception would be things that are very definition of a full service commercial sex: oral and penetrative sex (in New Zealand some sort of massage is also included in FS). These you certainly don’t need to ask/prompt for: they should be readily available and eagerly delivered during a full service booking.

If you went through with the booking, stayed the entire time you’ve paid for and had sex with WG, you cannot expect a full refund.

If there were issues, such as the state of the premises, interruptions (WG answering her phone during the booking, for example) or you are truly unhappy with WG’s performance (“star fish”), etc, you should communicate this to the WG (or the agency manager/receptionist) while you are still on the premises and either ask for a partial refund or a discount on the next booking (provided you were assured the next time your experience will be better).

In case agency/WG refused to rectify the situation, you have every right to pen a scathing review. But please try to do so in respectful, constructive manner, stick to the facts and don’t over exaggerate or make things up-it will only make your review less credible.


Obviously, in real world not every situation is easy or clear cut, but in general terms, if everyone does the logical thing, it will make it easier on everyone and will save lots of money, time and stress.

Thursday, September 26, 2013

DON'T MAKE A ROOKIE MISTAKE

Don’t make a rookie mistake

It happened to every man at least once: during passionate lovemaking he called his girlfriend by his wife’s nickname or vice versa.
Women take dim view of such things.

However, there is an easy solution to preventing that error from occurring ever again. It’s simple.

Here’s some sage advice from the book “Escort-The true Story of an Orange County Call Girl” by Sacha Haughtee and Max Spacer

There are two steps for staying out of trouble; the first step is to pick some common term of endearment that the wife likes and then you use it like a nickname. It doesn’t matter what the nickname is. It can be: snuggles, honey, sweetie, darling, etc...

Then the second step is that you simply always call her by this nickname and you never call her anything else. You call her this in bed. You call her this at breakfast. You call her this on the phone. The drill is: you use this nickname and you only use this nickname, both in, and out of, the heat of passion. The trick is that you also use this nickname for every other girl you are ever with, especially when you are in bed. The nickname will become a reflex.

Eventually you will call out only this nickname from habit, no matter how excited you are. That way you never call out the wrong name.

The other very important thing to learn to do is: you never, never, never talk while you’re fucking.
The problem is a guy can’t think while he is fucking, that’s a proven medical fact. That’s because all of his blood is down in his pecker.

Guys tend to say things they don’t really mean, have no intention of doing or unable to deliver on during fucking. Best keep it zipped. Even if you want to utter a compliment-don’t.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard from my upset girlfriends that their man said something to the effect “You are so much better a fuck than all those other girls” during sex. Big mistake! You’ll never hear the end of it.


Hope this helps J

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

IDEAL BOOKING VS. ... WELL, NOT SO MUCH


Both bookings happened on the same day, in quick succession.

Ideal booking J:

It’s Sunday and I just left my apartment to go for my daily walk. My phone rings. I look at the caller ID and it’s one of my regulars: Sunday is his preferred day for “entertainment”.
I’ve seen this guy well over a dozen times since I’ve moved to Auckland a year and a half ago.

I answer the phone with a smile “Hi, John. How are you”? He wants to see me and says he could be there in an hour. I gladly accept.

I go back inside and get myself and the room ready.
John turns up right on time (as he always does).
He usually showers just before he comes over, so I don’t bother asking if he wants one (a shower).
I get the bed ready while he undresses and we chat amicably.

Within 2 min of his arrival we are in a tight embrace, kissing passionately (something he enjoys doing at length).
He switches to another activity he enjoys after about 10 min and we do that for a while.
He then asks me to position myself on the bed-he likes it certain way and I know what it is, so it’s a smooth move. We then engage in activity he likes more than anything else. It’s nothing out of ordinary, but some girls balk at the length of time he likes to enjoy it at, he’s told me.
I am comfortable and happy with it and we continue for good 25 min or so. John is clearly enjoying himself.
We finish with me riding him cowgirl style.

I give him a relaxing massage for a few minutes and he goes to take a shower.
We chat some more when he comes out, about our travels and plans for the next few weeks.
We are comfortable with each other, so conversation is easy.
Johns leaves shortly thereafter, very happy and tells me he’ll see me when I get back from my holiday.

I am relaxed as I take a shower and reflect on how much I am looking forward to my bookings with John.

NOT an ideal booking L:

I check my phone: there is a missed call, but no message or text (a bit annoying, as I can’t be sure what the caller wanted and whether or not I should call back).
As the call was only few minutes ago, I call back.

A young ethnic guy answers. I tell him that I have a missed call from him. He tells me he saw my ad on NZGs and wants a half an hour booking. I ask him what time he had in mind. He says 2:15pm and adds “I am in CBD now”.
My favourite saying is: Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.

“It’s just after 2pm now” I say. “If you saw my ad, you know I don’t offer “now” bookings”
“But I can actually see you at 2:30pm” I add (as John just left and I only need to change the linen, straighten the room and fix my make-up).

He agrees to 2:30pm booking and just when I am ready to hang up, he springs this on me: “I want bondage. You know, BDSM”...

WHOA... Stop the presses...

“I am not a Dominatrix. BDSM box in my NZGs ad is not ticked” I reply.
“I only offer light “play” bondage. I have no Dungeon and no proper equipment” I add.
He is undeterred “In your ad it says you had training”
“It does. It also says I’ve been married four times. It doesn’t mean I want to do this at present or ever again. The sentence you’re referring to is a brief description of my life’s experience, NOT in the section “services offered”-I say.
I ask him what exactly he is looking for in a session. Although his English is pretty good, he is unable to articulate his expectations.

I am ready to flag it. He senses it and gets annoyed.
I explain to him that I don’t want to rip him off and take his money while unable to deliver what he is really after.
I tell him that I’ve done “tie and tease” sessions in the past, but that’s as far as I go.
He latches on to that. “Yes, that’s what I want: tie-and-tease”.

I accept the booking with trepidation.

He turns up 8 min early (closer to the time he originally wanted rather than what I booked him for), but I am ready.
I offer him a smile and a hug, invite him to make himself comfortable and offer him a drink.
I pull up my NZGs ad on my laptop and show him my “service offerings”, pointing out that BDSM is NOT offered.
I ask him to describe to me specifically how he envisions the booking. It is like pulling teeth, but finally he manages to give me some idea and, boy, am I glad I was persistent, as it is quite different from what I would normally offer in tie-and-tease session.

He says he doesn’t need a shower, so we proceed with the booking.
In a couple of minutes he complains that music is too loud, so I get up and turn it down.

Within 10 min I have him panting excitedly and begging for release. But he mentioned before that he doesn’t want a “quickie”, so I am intent on giving him the real tease and full value for his money ;)

With about 7 min left on the clock (he only booked and paid for half an hour) he suddenly asks if we could make it an hour. I agree, but then he says he’s got no cash on him, so could we just do it and he will then go to ATM and get the money after the fact.

It is a well-known fact that sex worker’s service only has value before the client has ejaculated. The value rapidly decreases to zero once ejaculate has fully left client’s body.
I don’t assume every client is out to rip me off, but in our business money has to be paid in advance, especially in cases of first-time clients.

I tell him we will finish the half an hour he’s paid for and then he can go get some money and come back for another half an hour while only paying the difference in price of hour’s booking.
He asks me how much an hour is. I tell him.

I proceed with the task in hand when he asks for another activity he didn’t mention at all before.
I am happy to oblige, but he is clearly unprepared for it and apparently has never done it before and he yelps as I attempt it.  I stop.
I get back to my original ministrations and he climaxes.

We already a little over time due to his continual interruptions, so he goes straight into the shower (no time left for massage).

He takes the longest time in the shower –nearly 10 min-despite his assurances that he “just had one” when he arrived, only 35 min ago.

When he finally gets out, he takes his time dressing and wanders around the room, asking inappropriate personal questions about a person pictured on the photos hanging around. It’s not that the person’s identity is secret (I wouldn’t display the photos if it was), but I have no desire to discuss this person with some random stranger whom I’ve known for all of 40 min and not likely to see again.
I try to steer conversation to general subjects, but the client lingers over the photos, making me uncomfortable.

He is finally dressed, so I give him a hug and thank him for taking time to see me.
He is out of the door at 50 min mark (his booking was for half an hour)

I am exhausted.
I resolve to not accept his bookings shall he call again.


I try to wash away the stress with long hot shower.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

History of legalised prostitution in Nevada: what's legal and where (then and now)

Many are confused as to what is legal and where in Las Vegas and Nevada in general.
This excerpt from a great book explains it well:






Monday, September 9, 2013

TWO WAY HIGHWAY

Some guys, while feeling perfectly entitled to discuss WGs publicly and privately in great detail, often personal and private, sometimes getting facts wrong or deliberately making stuff up, balk at the notion that WG share information about clients. Funny that.
Information was shared from the time immemorial. Yes, it is quicker to do so now, with internet and all the handy gadgets one can carry in his pocket, but it is a two-way street.
Guys share info about WGs to save money and have the most amount of fun possible for their $$. WG share info about guys to prevent time wasting, loss of revenue, to avoid stalkers and in some cases of violent and unstable clients to avoid being hurt or killed

And before anyone jumps in with analogies, it's actually the same in every business.

Shops post the photos of shoplifters in their windows and in the papers. Despite the fact that these people are customers (or were at some point), management wants to prevent the loss of revenue.

Motel owner have their own "internal" message board, not visible or accessible to guests, where they list "bad" clients.

Businesses share information about "slow" or non-paying clients.

Rental companies share "bad" tenant info and, in fact, require extensive references (from other rental companies and landlords) for all new tenants. And tenants do the same about rental companies and landlords.

Examples are endless.

Fact is, if you have fairly visible profile on a public forum, there is a good chance people are talking about you.

Guys participate in this forum for fun and amusement. Forum is visible to everyone, even if they are not members, so one does not have to join to read reviews. One only has to join only if one wants express his opinion publicly for others to see.

WG take part in the forum to promote their business. Not many are brave enough,as with benefits comes a downside: girl could become a subject of attack at any time.

Often times when guys don't like what a WG has to say, her opinion, or what she stand for, they immediately make disparaging comments about her appearance or service instead of putting forth a constructive argument.

I wonder how guys would feel if every time one of us didn't agree with their opinion, we'd say things like:'"Well, you have a small dick", "You can't get it up", "You are crap in bed", "you think you're ace at oral but you actually have no fucking clue" instead of addressing specific topic being discussed.

Personally, I have lost count of times I've been attacked on here. Most recent was last week and today when someone implied I wrote my own fake review.
I don't bend or brake easily. This forum is child's play compared to what I had to deal with when I was a Real Estate Agent and Property Manager in Las Vegas. That's truly a "good 'ol boys" club, that's for sure. 
I was called every name in the book, screamed and spat at, files (and in one case paper weight) been thrown in my face and guys came up with obscenities that would leave the most hardened criminal blushing. 

I take it all in stride. I am well aware that I am not universally liked. 
Some don't care for me, some don't like what I stand for, some dislike me, some hate me with passion and wish the Earth would swallow me whole and some like me a great deal.
If and when I grow tired of it all, I'll go on DND and bid farewell to this forum.

But a lot of girls are not tough. They are afraid of being pulled apart publicly-just as they see done to others.

Constructive criticism in order to improve service or calling out bait and switch and other unsavory practices is one thing. Deliberate "bashing" and "bagging" without any basis in order to inflict commercial harm is quite another.

Why do some guys think they entitled to do it, but feel the same can not be done to them?
If you don't want people to talk about you, don't participate on the forum. 
Many WG adopted this tactic and it works great for them (although they are not on DND). 
It works fine for guys as well-trust me, I know, as quite a few of my clients either don't know about this forum, do not want to know or read it without joining.

There are plenty of punters with a lot of reviews under their belt whom never had any controversy surround their names despite beig members on here for years: Midnight Cowboy, Dreamcatcher, Jayr, Jazza, Acid, Rule69, Gric, GingerBaker, Cruggy, Zappa10 and many, many others.
It has to do with the fact that they view/approach sex industry the way they should: they pay to have some fun, do so respectfully and leave. End of story. 
I've never see them complain about being discussed by "Hen club" as one guy put it,as they don't care either way: they are safe in knowledge that they haven't done anything to warrant adverse discussion.

WG don't "set punters up"- what the hell for? This is business for us, not entertainment. 
Ideally, we wish every client would make a booking with plenty of advanced notice, confirm shortly before, turn up on time clean, well-presented and good smelling, pay our advertised rate without haggling, clearly communicate his wishes/desires, treat us with respect and depart promptly when the time he has paid for has run out.
I do realise it's not realistic or feasible, but that's why they call it "ideal".

Bottom line: treat others as you want to be treated yourself. And remember that all actions cause an equal and opposite reaction.