Sunday, November 18, 2012

The ugly side of the industry and why we should talk about it

One of the popular and well-known WGs here in New Zealand was assaulted by a client while in a booking.
Her own account of the ordeal is here.

Her blog post was immediately linked to Adult Forum-the largest,most popular forum for the sex industry in the country and the only one with serious traffic.
I must say that outpouring of the support for Petra was overwhelming, from both guys and WGs. I am very proud of my community,as majority of guys and WGs expressed their sincere sympathy and condemned the attacker.

However, something else became apparent almost immediately: there are still plenty of people out there who are so far behind in the dark ages with their "old school" mentality of blaming the woman, and making light of violence.

The very first reply was from a guy that read: <SIC> This of course is one side of the appointment/story. Its not making total sense either.

To everyone this one-line statement indicated that the poster:
A. Did not believe Petra's account of the incident.
B. Questioned the validity of it.

When outraged citizenry of the forum went after the poster, he quickly changed his tactics and shifted the whole debate to the fact that he thought the incident must to be reported to the police and that he believed it was "100%" rape". Well, quite frankly, I couldn't gather any of that from his original one-liner.
As the discussion has spilled into live chat, the guy kept using the word "hysterical" towards myself and couple of other members. Even when I stopped replying to him, he still used that word, trying to bait me, followed by "She'll get over it".
As he kept steering the discussion towards reporting the incident to police (as far away from his original statement that "it's only HER side of the story" and that "it doesn't make sense" as possible), that guy made a statement that gave me a pause.
I was saying that most reported rapes go un-prosecuted and the assailant gets away scot-free when that guy replied "Well, tell it to the Indian guy from Mona Vale" (a perpetrator successfully charged and sentenced for assaulting a prostitute).
The particular turn of phrase he used is usually reserved for people whom the speaker feels are  "hard done by" and got the "raw end of the deal", NOT for the people one condemns.
Normally someone would say something along the lines of "Well, that dirt bag from Mona Vale got what he deserved" or something similar...

I actually contacted a friend of mine-a MALE psychologist from US and asked him for a consult. I had screen shots of the live chat and the entire original forum thread.
Here's what Steve's (my psychologist friend) assessment was: in his opinion, the guy DID, in fact, question Petra's account and possibly was siding with the attacker.
Repeat use of the word "hysterical" towards other posters later on in the discussion (out of context) suggests that he intended to use the word towards the victim originally, but was "testing the waters" first to see if he gets more support. Also  fraise "She'll get over it"  is quite telling, as the the phrase "Tell it to the Indian guy from Mona Vale"...

This, of course, is just an opinion-neither myself nor Steve claim to be oracles of gospel truth.

Here is Petra's explanation (written the next day) of why she chose not to file a complaint with the police. I firmly agree with her.

When one of my clients turned into a horrible stalker who broke into my house repeatedly and made my life hell for a while, I DID report it to the police. And I did follow up on it several times ( here is THAT STORY). Nothing came of it. He is still running around, most likely doing the same thing to some other girl (as he is known as a recidivist offender) and he still calls me from a blocked number occasionally (quite a lot less these days, thankfully).

When a parlour owner in Wellington whom I worked for-a slight tiny little Chinese lady-was brutally attacked with a baseball bat by a client and robbed, she did report it to the police. Days of questioning ensued and, although it was quite clear who suspect was, nothing came of it.

Imagine my anger when the first response to Petra's blog on Punter Planet (Australian forum) was from a guy who said that "this is not the right avenue" for such posts and "bleating about it (the incident) in a blog is not going to do anything, except breach discretion!

First of all, where else shall we post such things, if not in the SEX INDUSTRY FORUMS, where we discuss sex industry happenings?
Also, Petra did NOT disclose the guy's name,age,description or any other identifying features (except,maybe for "very well endowed", but that's quite a lot of guys), so how is the discretion comes into it,may I ask?
When I pointed this out in a polite manner to the poster, he went on to say that Petra somehow failed to exercise good judgment,as she was "clearly attracting the wrong clientele"...
I was lost for words, quite frankly: Wellington is the capital of New Zealand, Petra was staying at the high-end accommodation and she advertises in the Gold Elite section of, which is single largest and most prominent advertising medium for sex industry in NZ. NZG is as good as it gets here.

Bottom line, there were people (in both NZ and Australia) whom:
A. Suggested Petra was at fault somehow (by not exercising common sense and/or not employing better safety measures).
B. Suggested that Petra's account was possibly greatly exaggerated.

Also of interest is the fact that despite 250 views of the post on Punter Planet, except for the original exchange between myself and that guy, NO ONE wanted to comment,as if trying to sweep the whole ugly affair under the carpet, bury the thread.

Here's the reality: we need to talk about these things. Although industry is largely a great place, bad things do happen.
Exposing these on the forums and in the blogs does help tremendously.
Fear is a great motivator: a lot of people who have bad intentions don't want to get exposed and in today's day and age of Smartphones and tablets everywhere, it could be very hard to avoid exposure.
The next victim may be a LOT less discreet and a LOT more vocal and will plaster her assailant's details all over Internet. Even if it gets taken down, a lot of people would see it. And let's face it: you cannot "unsee" what you've once seen.
So,yes, writing about it does reduce recidivist occurrences. It is also very cathartic to the victim.
In contrast, even if Petra went to the police, the attacker would probably have name suppression order put in place straight away and the wheels of justice move ever so slowly (that's if they do at all, in some cases)-the case might take a few years to get to courts (if it does get that far), so it would not at all help other WGs today and in the weeks to come.

Voyager's post  is something I think is of value to this discussion as well.

I am so impressed by my fellow WGs and agency owners in Wellington (Ms. Ava and Mary of THE FUNHOUSE come to mind) who immediately rallied to Petra's support. They provided comforting shoulder to cry on, guidance and information.
The incident is now reported to NZPC and attacker's details are being circulated among WGs and parlours.

Petra herself in undefeated and strong as ever,as clear from this post.

I want to thank  those amazing clients who are thoughtful, gentle and kind. You guys make our job really fun and rewarding. You make us explore ourselves as we are delving into your world, if only for a hour or so, fulfilling your fantasies and taking you on amazing journey that sexual satisfaction is.
From the bottom of my heart-thank you for being respectful.


  1. A really horrible situation. I'm glad there were girls around to help Petra through. If there's anything I can do to help....

  2. OK ... Got it, ta. I'll text Petra, tomorrow. See if I can do anything ... Disgraceful behaviour. Tom Baker

  3. I wouldnt say all violence against working girls gets swept under the rug though, definitely report it. A friend of mine got punched in the face by a drunk whilst standing at reception for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that she'd just walked in the front door.

    And we got that cunt, he got deported back to Fiji or wherever the fuck he was from. HAHA.

    Security cameras muthafucka. Policing your state muthafucka.