Monday, October 15, 2012

Life and it's unpredictable twists and turns

Sometimes life throws us a really curved one...
Just when you think, after all the storms and near-drowning experiences, you are sailing  calm and peaceful seas, a huge wave... or earthquake... or tsunami comes out of nowhere and hits your little boat.
Good news: what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. It's true. As harsh as it sounds, the more calamities you go through in the course of your life, the more adaptable you become at handling them.
You learn the tricks of survival. You get to know all the things that help you go on. Not unscathed, of course, you still get to have all the little (and sometimes big) scars, but still in one piece and functional.
It doesn't mean you become hardened and loose the ability for empathy. You are just... stronger.

Those who managed to have a sheltered, privileged  life for a long time are usually the ones who hit the hardest with any "storm". Sadly, those are also the ones who often don't survive the ordeal: completely unprepared, they simply drown.
Life isn't fair: sometimes the bad guys win, and good people suffer. Be realistic. While accepting what comes, still work hard, dream big and do the right thing.

Unfortunately, survivors of many life "storms" often become guarded and they find it hard to trust others. They are conditioned to see the worst possible outcome, "just in case". This way they feel prepared for any eventuality. This way they know they won't be disappointed.
Even when we think we are not "that person" (guarded and expecting the worst), sad reality is, if we weathered some seriously devastating events, we are.
I've never made a secret of the fact that I see life as a "harsh landscape". There are no cotton candy clouds and pink unicorns in my perception of the world. Instead , there is  possible danger/unpleasantness/deceit at every turn.
It doesn't mean I treat everyone with suspicion. But I do treat everyone and everything with caution.
This doesn't prevent me from enjoying others. Rather,I am constantly aware that they might have their own agenda, of which I am completely unaware and which may or may not be harmless to me.
It doesn't work to please others: people liking or disliking you is not a rational process. Some people will dislike you no matter what, and others love you shortcomings, flaws and all. It's more important to do your best, and accept what happens.
People will let you down. Not everyone, but most. Life is full of big and small disappointments. If you are the person who does what they say they'll do, you probably expect the same from others. The truth is, some people don't keep their word (often because they didn't mean what they said to start with) or do what is right. I no longer stress about it-it's just a fact of life.
People do play favorites: sometimes it isn't "what", but "who" you know that counts. We all have our little "fan clubs" of people who will support us and our agendas simply because they like us... Often for no reason (see above). Often they do what they honestly think is the best for us and completely miss the mark. It happens. Just another fact of life.

The trick for successful journey is not to treat every event (no matter how devastating it seems at the time) as the end of the world. It's incredibly hard sometimes, but it is doable. Such cliche, but time IS the best healer of them all. This (whatever it happens to be), too shall pass


  1. Hey yana,
    I love you and treasure you not sure what this is about hope its not Me missing dinner. I think you are one of the most beautiful and caring, and intelligent women I know. Your friendship is very dear to Me even if I am anti social and impossible to get out :P I have to rest today but I am coming for dinner or will take you guys out xoxo love you

  2. Or as I should have added to willingly accept that which which is painful and we can not control. Willingly not willfully. xoxo

  3. Interesting.

    Despite the fallout from the calamities I have generated in my personal life I still see people in an open & trusting way far more than I should. Then again I lead a professional life that trains me to detect & deal with the dark side of the human experience & I do that very well.

    Personally I don't see time as the healer, more our ability to do better next time & the time after ...... time is not the contributing factor, our ability to evolve emotionally is the primary success factor.

    The situations that create a post like this & some of the ones I have made in the past when shit has happened in my life are rarely simple other than one or more party lost control of balance and/or forgiveness.

    And it isn't necessarily who we know that counts either but how well we truly know them & they truly know us. The human animal has many unexpected quirks & traits that we are all too often blind to until confronted by them when least expected.

    1. Voyager, you really do think you know everything, but reality is-you don't. No one does. Sometimes I do wonder what planet you're on, quite frankly: is it Conrad land? Suggesting to me that being a lesbian is a choice-are you even for real??
      You speak with aplomb about things you have no first-hand experience on, yet you preach "gospel truth" (in your opinion) from a high pulpit.
      News flash: you never,ever really "truly know" anyone. Impossible. Because as human beings we evolve-and it's a good thing.
      And, yes, TIME, is most definitely a contributing factor in getting over things. Remember the old saying: out of sight, out of mind (and out of heart, I might add)? Well, it's been tried and true for centuries now. Has nothing to do with emotional evolvement, as often times when the person re-appears in one's life after a long absence, he/she often stirs up a whole gambit of feelings, which shouldn't really be there if someone has "emotionally evolved" according to you..

  4. Thanks for the reminder that only opinions that a compatible with your own are correct. It was an opinion not statement of fact but clearly not welcome.

    Easily solved.