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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Sex business: it is like any other business, yet it's not

I often see replies on various industry forums (mostly by clients)  about professionalism in sex industry, pointing out that it's "just like any other business".
It IS in a sense that it should be well-organised, scheduled, structured and managed, but at the same time it ISN'T because we provide very intimate, personal service that goes far beyond any other business could possibly provide.
Due to the nature of our business, we have to be able to withstand very close scrutiny of our looks and physique, for starters. I've seen reviews on the forums where punters comments were "her stomach was 99% flat"... "very average looks"... not to mention the infamous "gape factor". And I'm only listing very mild, almost kind comments here. Sometimes it gets pretty crude.
Can you imagine walking into the bank and making a face at the teller, saying "You are nothing like your bank's commercials on TV. You are much older and fatter. I want the hot chick from commercial to serve me"...
Or walking into Travel Centre and saying "I saw hot blond travel agent on TV eating a bug and surfing the waves in her uniform. I want you to eat a bug! And then I want you to pour water all over yourself so I ca see your boobies through your uniform. What do you mean you can't??! It's false advertising!"..
Yes, in any other business there rude customers, but personal attacks are not tolerated these days and there are options: badly behaved client could be asked to leave or (in case of a restaurant) a waitress could simply ask other staff member (preferably big burly guy) to serve him.
 In sex industry we must deal with clients (nice AND rude) head-on.
I am not for a minute advocating photo shopped pictures or any kind of misrepresentation by WGs in their ads, so if you were getting ready for a rant, please read this post to the very end.
I simply am saying that we have to put up with a lot more personal attacks, scrutiny and unkind comments from our clientele than any other business professionals.
This line of work is not for the faint of heart or those who have poor self-esteem or low self-differentiation.
It's easy to say "Oh, don't take it personal", but it is much harder to do.
I am sure every and each one of you (clients and WGs alike) had someone make a comment that really hurt and stuck with you for a long time.
We are only humans and it is human nature to take things personally.
One of my friends told me a story about a Dom session where his manhood was belittled and made fun of by Dominatrix. It was all part of a session, but for years afterwards he thought himself to be rather small (when, fact is, he is actually very well-endowed, bigger than average).
What we see in the mirror is largely what we perceive ourselves to be and a lot of that perception has to do with others opinion of us.
Others perception of us is not objective, either... It all depends on the kind of mood they are in or what's going on in their personal and professional lives.
When one is upset about something (anything at all), one cease to see the "big picture" and is not open-minded. Instead, one is looking for a fault in everything, and anything can set him/her off.
And that's where WGs have to exercise extreme caution. We only have few seconds to make a huge decision: whether or not our next client will hurt or mistreat us.
No, it doesn't happen often. Generally, the clients are mild-mannered.
But it is my firm belief that low statistics of violence in sex industry are in no small part due to sex workers being vigilant and choosing their clientele carefully.
Reality is, most men are much bigger and stronger than most women and can overpower a WG easily.
Another reality is that there are a lot of violent guys out there. Any little thing can set them off.
Just today I read in NZ Herald about a boy from a high school who first stoned a mother duck to death, then ripped off the head from one of her ducklings because it defecated on his hand (all during a resess).
Last year there was a horrific incident where a 15-year old boy violently raped and beaten 5-year old girl who was sleeping peacefully in her parent's camper van (with parents being only meters away).
There was a news article a few weeks ago about a guy going absolutely berserk inside one of the fast food chain stores because his order was wrong (he even attacked the police officer who tried to restrain him).
I can go on and on...
So when someone calls us, we use those precious seconds to evaluate the situation. We have to trust our gut instinct. Yes, it could be wrong at times (not very often, though) and we might loose a perfectly fine booking, but I'd rather miss out on a couple of hundreds of dollars than put myself in harm's way.
Guys, please understand this and try tailor your conversation with us (especially when you are contacting a WG for the first time) accordingly.
A lot of things that seem innocuous to you might set off alarm bells in our heads.
For instance, don't lie about things for no reason: it just looks suspicious and we can't help but wonder why it is you are compelled to lie.
I had someone contact me via text and claim that he's seen me before on one of my tours. Little does he know that I keep meticulous records of names, dates and phone numbers (no record of him).. And I do not see intoxicated clients (for reasons explained above). So his comments about "not remembering much of a small talk because he was wasted" didn't get him a desired result. I won't see him because I can't help but wonder why he lied.
Another guy contacted me (again, via text) claiming to be "good friends" with one of the popular WGs here in NZ. He assumed (incorrectly) that it would gain my trust. In fact, after several exchanges I knew he was lying and that notion proved to be correct when instead of making a booking, he IMPLIED that he will make one (who knows when), but in the meantime would like to sext for a while... He must have thought I am really, really stupid.
Someone rang last week, while I was on a tour, starting conversation with "I've spoken with you about a booking before" (he NEVER had) and "I've seen your ad SEVERAL times" (the ad only ran in that paper for one day that one time). I still have no idea why he lied, but I just didn't like it.
There was a guy in Wellington, calling from a land line and claiming it to be his first time (as in first time ever booking a WG), yet, before I even brought it up, he said "I know, I need to call you back from my cellphone"...
Another No-No is asking a WG (ESPECIALLY on tour) "So, have you been busy today? Had many bookings?",as the only thing I can think of is the guy is trying to figure out how much money I have in my bag with intention of robbery...
What doesn't get on the open forums much are cases of violence,rape,robbery. Every country has a closed forum, for WGs only (some countries have several) where we post warnings.
Here's just a few examples from those forums:
-Client showed up for a booking, paid, went through with the booking, then stole ALL the money WG had in her purse when she wasn't looking..
-Variation of the above: beat the girl up after the booking and THEN robbed her of all her money
-Client removed the condom undetected
-Client forced sexual acts NOT agreed upon (anal is the most common)
-Rape (when WG refused to go through with the booking)
-Guy seemed perfectly fine in the beginning, then became unstable during the booking
-Client turned into obsessive stalker
The list is very long. And it gets new entries every day.
So when we decline a booking, for whatever reason, please respect it. You might be a perfectly nice guy, but if something bothers us or something does not sit well, we simply must go with our gut instinct.
It's not about being a snob and turning our noses up at some one's money, not at all. Being cautious and outright suspicious is par for the course in our line of work.
Sometimes the client shows up and it is clear in the first 60 seconds that it is not going to work. It could be anything. Some guys make comments that are belittling or offensive. Sometimes it's just their attitude towards women that is unacceptable. Sometimes they are clearly under influence of substances.
It is not a good idea to go through with a booking in that case. Smart WGs usually refund ALL the money and politely decline.
If such booking is accepted, it usually ends up with both parties being upset/unhappy. It results in client feeling that he's been ripped off and WG feeling that she has been mistreated. It could also have far-reaching consequences, such as bad reviews and potential loss of income.
For instance, I absolutely detest when people assume without talking to me much that I am some dumb foreign chick, fresh from the boat, poor and uneducated, sooo happy to do ANYTHING for whatever money I'm given.
If I sense such attitude, I'd rather not continue. It will not be good. I can be very cutting and unkind. I can say things that will stay with you for the years to come (yes, being blunt in describing one's assets is a two-way street, gentlemen :)
Truth is, while making a booking, neither side bestows a favor on the other, but, rather, it's a business transaction: person A has an "itch" he needs scratched and person B is willing to avail her/his body and mind to scratch that "itch" in exchange for an agreed upon compensation.

Yes, there are plenty of WGs out there who act like they are granting this huge favour to the punter by allowing him to have sex with them. Unacceptable! I do not condone that kind of behavior.
Once you've made a decision to offer your most intimate self to another for a time for profit, don't loose perspective. It is now your job (whether full or part time) and the minute it starts to be all too much, it's time to leave the industry.

Guys, you pay to spend some time in a company of a lady (or a gent,as case may be) and partake in her/his delights. You looked through hundreds of profiles and picked the one that suits. Don't act like you're the greatest gift she would ever receive,please. She didn't force you to pick up the phone and dial the number: that was your choice and yours alone. Treat her with respect.

I am not at all against honest reviews. They help all of us improve our game and actually lessen the competition,as "bad apples" inevitably leave the business, as they have no clients.
But think it through before you post especially hurtful comments, try to be kind: could the same thing be said in a milder, less blunt/offensive way, perhaps? Consider how you would feel if someone said something similar to you.
Most importantly, please keep in mind that most of us are in this line of work because we CHOSE it consciously and we enjoy it. We strive to succeed and give you the best experience possible.
But we have to make serious risk assessment decisions daily due to the very nature of the service we provide-that's how we stay unhurt and alive in this business.


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