Monday, August 6, 2012

Sometimes I wonder what parlour owners/managers are thinking.

I work both privately and at the parlours when I am in Melbourne.
I usually decide at the start of the week where I am going to work on any given day during that week.
I take various factors into the account: whether or not I have pre-booked private sessions (and if so, what duration), what other appointments I have scheduled (such as hair,facials,massages,etc), what
private life meetings/commitments I have.
Once I figure all this out and decide which days I would want to go to the parlour, I decide which parlour I want to work at.
I've worked in  half a dozen or so in Melbourne and have a good relationship with all of them. Generally, I text or call and ask how many girls the parlour I have in mind has on the roster for the day I am interested in working and then make my decision.
Obviously, I never want to go on shift when they already have 8-12 girls on. It's not productive. Besides, I took care of my finances throughout my career and am never in a situation where I must work because my rent/bills are due and I have no money. I quite enjoy the freedom my hard work and good financial planning afford me.
If a parlour has plenty of girls for the shift I want, I just move on and contact another parlour.

Managers and receptionists really appreciate girls who are on time,fully made up and ready for intros, create no fuss, don't bitch and whine,etc. It helps if you are generally pleasant, don't have any bad habits, conduct yourself in a professional manner with staff,other girls and clients. Additional brownie points for going up in the room within 2 min after you've conducted a health check (some girls take as long as 20-25 min,smoking and chatting, while the client is buzzing the receptionist from the room demanding the service he's paid for) and have a good time management (i.e. don't buzz receptionist repeatedly during the booking asking how much time is left on the clock).
I fit all those parameters and usually keep myself busy in between the bookings by doing work on my laptop/tablet or reading. Hence a lot of parlour owners/managers are happy to have me on shift. They would never lie to me and tell me there are "no girls", when in fact they have half a dozen. They know I will simply not stay if I realise that's what happened and will probably not work at that parlour much after that. Besides, I am quite cooperative and when they call/text me on my day off asking to come in because they really don't have any girls, I will always try to accommodate and help out. It's all about give and take and it works really well when both parties understand that.
I also often see my private clients in parlours,as law in Victoria prohibits WGs from seeing clients at their homes (I wouldn't anyway). This brings additional revenue to the parlour, as those are the clients they wouldn't have otherwise. Sometimes  clients are never been to a particular parlour before and want to return based on what they've seen (interior design, bedding and linen,decor,cleanliness,etc).

Although many parlours have desired number of hours they want you to work, it's flexible and a WG can leave pretty much any time she wants.
Some parlours offer incentives. For example, if a WG had 6 bookings, they will give her ENTIRE amount of the 6th booking (house will not keep their room fee), provided said WG worked a full shift (usually between 6-8 hours).
A lot of girls stay at work for a really long time trying to make this bonus, but it's their decision, parlour does not force them to do so.
Many parlours provide complimentary snacks for girls. Commonly, tea and coffee and bread for toast. Better ones have small cans of tuna,minute noodles, tomatoes and cold cuts. This actually really helps, as not all the girls are willing to order take-outs (especially when they are having a slow shift) and a little nourishment goes a long way.
Some parlours have computers available to the girls free of charge with unlimited data. Again, it helps to keep girls put.

Ideally, owners/managers want to have as many trouble/habit-free girls who are attractive,well-presented and easy to get along with on shift as possible, as this results in more bookings and more $$$ for the parlour. It's a bonus if a girl has regulars who come and see her OR if she is new to that particular establishment (usually all the guys want to sample a new delight, so it creates sharp spike in bookings). Also appreciated are savvy girls who promote themselves through the use of forums, twitter, personal websites,etc.
A lot of owners/managers understand the concept of give and take and strive to create environment where such girls would enjoy working, thus enticing them to come back. They try to be flexible with scheduling, offer incentives (bonuses), bring unexpected treats (like REAL coffee from the nearby cafe and fresh muffins) and generally create a goodwill atmosphere.
I must say that owners of Collingwood Confidential in Melbourne are at the top of my list. Not only they have beautiful premises with high-quality linen, they go out of their way and do all those extras I've mentioned above.
Manhattan Terrace is quite good and so is Pickwood Lodge.

My pet-peeves where the parlours are concerned are (in no particular order):
-Threadbare, tatty linen-very embarrassing for the parlour and for myself
-Obvious lack of proper professional cleaning (EWWWWWWW)
-Linen that does NOT fit properly (i.e. when parlour has both queen size AND king size beds, but only queen size sheets-WTF??)
-Parlours that are cold and refuse to spend money on sufficient heating. The nature of our job is to get naked and have some fun. If you are freezing and shivering, what kind of fun could you possibly have? Cold parlours also present an obvious problem for the client ;)
-Lack of filtering system (i.e. allowing girls that are obviously under the influence of substances come on shift. If I see it, I leave immediately-I deem this unsafe for everyone).
-Unreasonable demands/expectations re. shift duration and "mandatory" number of shifts scheduled per week. I do this job because it affords me the flexibility to pursue my other interests and I certainly will not spend hours on end in a place that's not busy  (usually it's those kinds of places that play these games). I am an independent contractor and do not get paid unless I have a booking, so, I am sure, you can see the logic.
-Receptionists who are on some sort of "power trip" and attempt to instill their authority for no reason whatsoever. Now, I actually like structure and discipline, that's not what I am talking about. My girlfriend is a parlour receptionist, so I full well understand the challenges they face. The job is not easy.
Receptionist can make a break a shift. Seriously. Really good ones (like my girlfriend) will create a mutually respectful and beneficial atmosphere with a good flow of energy (I subscribe to Eastern philosophies). Everyone would be happy and this, in turn, will bring more happiness (and money) to everyone. Bad receptionist can ruin the shift for everybody. Normally, when faced with a bad receptionist, I don't engage, but rather remove myself from the situation (leave the parlour).
-Lying receptionists who try to get as many girls as possible on their shift without giving any consideration to the fact that we all need to make money and we don't get paid unless booked.

I like to try different places. Sometimes for variety and sometimes purely out of curiosity: I hear rumours about a place and I want to find out for myself. It's just the way I am: I like to collect data to form an opinion of my own. Inquiring minds want to know. And I have a lot of data :)

Sometimes rumours are just that: idle gossip that has nothing to do with reality and sometimes they are spot on. Like that time when I tried a certain well known parlour (two-word name) which has a reputation for offering certain "special" service... Yip, everything they say is true: it does go on, pretty blatantly, I might add...
Oh, well... I do not judge: to each it's own, we all do what we have to do. It's definitely not my cup of tea, but then, of course, I have a choice: I can elect not to work there. And I have no intention of going back there at all.

A couple of weeks ago I've decided to try a new place for one shift. It's close to my house (I like to walk) and I've heard conflicting reports about it. Some girls said it was terrible and very slow and some said it was OK, but management had some unreasonable requirements.. So I rang a day before, asked if I could come on shift and was told "Sure,darl,come on in".
This place has a three-word name and is located right on one of the bigger, six-lane roads in inner Melbourne suburbs.
I turned up on time,as usual for me, but receptionist (who was pleasant) didn't seem to know anything about me. She was surprised I intended to stay for a shift, but had me fill out the form, checked my DC (monthly doctor's certificate, as per VIC law requirements) and after a brief tour of the premises told me to go change.
She also gave me about four pages to read. Mostly, it was about their bonus system, which sounded quite complicated and involved scheduling minimum of four shifts per week in advance (which I wasn't going to do) so I gave it a perfunctory read and returned it to the receptionist.
As I looked around the dressing room and girl's lounge, I saw quite a few memos. After carefully reading ALL of them, I can summarise the content for you: "Times are tough". That was pretty much the message ( in so many words in some cases). The parlour itself, although clean, had that "tired" look-I'm sure you know what I mean. Linen and towels weren't threadbare, but it all has seen better days. The place is quite old and it shows.
I know they've done some remodeling fairly recently (and lost whatever few girls they had in the process, as they shut the place down for weeks), but it clearly wasn't "rip it all out and let's start anew" type of remodel.
The place wasn't very warm,either. Dressing room was not heated at all. Girls lounge had a heater, but the hallway and kitchen areas (quite large ones) adjacent to it didn't, so every time some one went through the door (which happened often), it got a blast of cold air.

Every parlour dispenses money differently and that one had you write the amount (which receptionist verified and signed) on a form, put the money into a pouch and give it back to the receptionist.
On my first booking, I saw that only $50 was written down and a $50 bill next to it. As a payout was meant to be $70 for half an hour booking, I asked about that. Receptionist told me that they take $20 in the beginning, but I will get it back at the end of the shift. It didn't make sense to me (why bother taking it if you're going to give it back anyway? And what's that for?), but receptionist kept saying "Don't worry,darl, you'll get it back", so I went with it.
I had a couple of bookings that day (and, yes, I got my $20 back when I was ready to go home), nothing really to write home about and have decided to not go back.
They text me two days later asking to "help them out' and come on shift. I did. Next week more of the same. I did again and stayed for a double shift (which I hardly ever do), as daytime receptionist (very nice one) asked sweetly and I decided I will help out. That receptionist was example of a "good" one: she created a nice atmosphere, it was  friendly and amicable and we all made good money that day and night.
I did get a bit frustrated when, after working 15 hour shift, really tired, I had to spend another half an hour going through FOUR (!!) sheets,as none fit the king size bed in my room and none were marked, either. And then walking home at 2:30am because I couldn't get a taxi to save my life-all were occupied. Good thing my house is only 30 min walk from there.
Another week arrived and with it another text from that parlour, asking to work, because they had no girls.
That week was different, though. I had a client flying me for a booking in Canberra on Thurs and another one for a six-hour booking Fri evening. I've explained all that to the receptionist and told her I could do a short day shift on Fri and then late start day shift on Sat. She agreed.
As all this was done through text and I have never met or been introduced to the manager/owner, I do not know which receptionist I was talking to (she didn't sign her name, although I repeatedly signed mine).
I flew to Canberra as scheduled early Thursday morning. My booking went well. So well, in fact, that the client asked to extend it overnight. We agreed on the price and I text the parlour to let them know that I won't be able to make it for my scheduled shift on Fri. I contacted them at 4:45 pm Thurs afternoon to cancel 10am shift on Fri morning, so I felt I gave reasonable notice. Besides, the choice was obvious: I couldn't in good conscience say No to over a thousand dollars just to go to a parlour with no guarantee of ANY income. I received no reply or acknowledgement of my text from the parlour (which I thought was a bit rude), but there was nothing I could do about that.
All went well and my long booking on Fri night went as planned.
When I woke up Sat morning, the last thing I wanted to do was go to the parlour. I've made my money for the week and I was tired.
But I promised I'd be there, so I went.
I arrived at 11:30am (half an hour before I told them I'd be there) and did every intro from that moment forward.
I wasn't sure why they asked me to come in, as they had three girls besides me and that place is not busy at all. Four girls is more than enough (probably a couple too many, actually).
I had a couple of bookings, but it was really slow- hardly any guys were coming in. At 5 pm yet another girl arrived. It was clear they really didn't need me.
Sometime during the day receptionist asked me how long I was staying-I told her I'd see how it goes.
Well, it was Sat night, 6pm, just before big footy game (Geelong vs. Collingwood). I knew the place would be dead until 10pm and I had no intention of staying that long. Besides, they had four girls on without me!
I went to the reception desk and asked if I can go home. By then the night receptionist (whom I've never met before) has arrived. The day receptionist looked at the clock above my head and said "sure, you can go". It was 6:05pm.
I changed and went to the desk to collect my money. When the night receptionist handed it to me I realised that she didn't include $20 that was deducted on the first booking (as their custom I've described above). I asked if that was right. "Yes" they said "You didn't stay the full shift, so we deducting $20". I was never told what the 'full shift" was,so I asked. I was told it's 7 hours. I stood there just looking at them. I worked for 6 hours and 35 min. If they told me that I need to stay 7 hours when I asked if I could go home, of course, I would have stayed another 25 min!
So let's re-cap:
-The place has problem attracting/keeping girls which hugely affects their revenue (guys either don't come in or come and don't book, as there is hardly anyone on)
-They ASKED me to come in and help them out
-I didn't want to go there,as I was tired and didn't need the money (and I've explained my schedule for that week to them), but I promised, so I went
-I was on time (early,in fact), fully made up, well presented and cheerful
-I worked 6 hours and 35 min and would, most definitely, stay another 25 min if I was told I needed to do so
-I did get bookings (revenue for the parlour)
-I've helped them out in the past 

So in their wisdom, those receptionists decided to deduct $20 of MY money ( this was NOT a bonus, it was the money I earned through a booking) to thank me for all the trouble.
They couldn't even be bothered to explain all this to me beforehand, so at least I'd have a choice.

Do you think I will ever go back?

I didn't want to create any unpleasantness, so I said nothing and left.
I did text them on my way home, explaining politely why I was upset. I didn't ask for anything, I just wanted to make myself clear. I received no reply.

I will never go back to that place and will tell everyone who listens (and I know a LOT of people in the industry) about my experience as a warning. The first person I told was my girlfriend, of course, as soon as I got home (she is a parlour receptionist,remember?). She couldn't believe it. She is very logical, rational person . She absolutely could not comprehend why someone would want all kinds of negative feedback over $20 that didn't belong to them in the first place?

Sometimes I wonder what parlour owners and managers are thinking...



  1. Lovely explanation of the many dynamics that go into creating a successful parlour, thank you Yana. I'll make sure to pm you and get name of above mentioned place.

  2. Thanks for your insight into how far down the hole LFG has fallen Yana.
    Victoria the original owner who left many yrars ago ran the place like a place that you wanted to return too . I have spent many a great sessions there but since its closure due to supposed repairs i have not returned and will not return any time soon......

  3. Fascinating to see what makes a good brothel from a worker's point of view. Thanks Yana