Monday, July 23, 2012

Forgiveness is a finicky bitch (it's all about Karma)

We've all being wronged one time or another in our lives. There is no way to go through life without a fair number of heartbreaks, disappointments and losses.
Often times we didn't deserve what happened to us, other times...well,maybe we did have it coming..
Moving on is important part of life, of the whole "self-evolvement" process.

If we hang on to the past hurts, we only add a great deal of unhealthy baggage to our souls, as the other person may not even be aware that we are holding the grudge still.
Forgiving is not the same as forgetting-it's letting go of the hurt and anger, thus freeing yourself for more positive emotions.
Granted, it's not always easy: some things cut deep and leave an emotional scar. But it IS still possible to heal-it just takes time and willingness to do so. Give time some time to do what it does best.
As an adults, we are free to behave every each way we want. Really. The only catch is: there are consequences and a price to pay, of which we are all aware.

Some people choose to be assholes, c..ts, dickhead-take your pick. It is their choice and I,personally,am grateful to them. Why? Because if we didn't have those people around, how would we know when people are nice? Think about it: everything is appreciated in comparison.
I am sure each and every one of you had a light bulb go off in your head when you realised how nice,kind,caring and amazing your current partner/friend is in comparison to manipulative,self-serving,egotistical ex...
There are plenty of people out there who have serious issues and are insecure. The only way they can feel good about themselves is by putting others down or manipulating them. It gives them sense of power, omnipotence almost. It really is akin to drug taking: that surge of adrenalin, the ego boost when they realise that they can make someone laugh or cry at will. They feed on it, sap other people's energy to boost their own.
But Universe dispenses everything in equal amounts. That kind of power comes with a hefty price: counterbalance could be quite unpleasant.
I am not discovering any new truths here: all this has been known for centuries.
What surprises me is when these kinds of people are genuinely bewildered when something bad happens to THEM. Well, hello:Newton's Third Law was taught in grade school to everyone. It states: All actions cause an equal and opposite reaction.
So if you are treating people badly and go through life maintaining your self-serving agenda, why should you be surprised when shit happens to you?
I am old enough to have seen this theory at work time and time again. There is no escaping it.
Yes, sometimes we cause pain (whether physical or emotional) to others inadvertently. It does happen.
To balance things out, we need to make amends. If not to the person we've hurt, then to someone else: offer a shoulder to cry on to someone who's heartbroken, help a stranger in need, go out of your way to make someones day special.
In the past few months I've witnessed a friend doing just that. No, his life didn't turn into amazing fairytale all of a sudden, but slowly good things do keep happening to him, people he thought lost forever are coming back, willing to mend the bridges. And, yes, it makes a difference to him (in a good way).
None of us getting any younger. When we are in our 20's, life is mostly about having fun and partying. And so we have hundreds of friends.
Then,slowly, marriages start to happen. And with them kids and mortgages and serious jobs: all those responsibilities. Friendship changes it's meaning then. It becomes less of a party together and more about support.
I've written about true friends before. They are rare and very precious.
A partner who will be with you through thick and thin, for better or for worth is even bigger rarity these days.
So think long and hard before you decide to turn your back on your friend. Arguments and disagreements do happen, but it's never too late to say "I am sorry" and to forgive.

I am far from perfect. I've made some terrible mistakes along the way (I try to be honest and write about those just as I write about good stuff). I've lost my way more than once and more than once I thought I will never find my way home.
I am a different person these days, thanks to my amazing,beautiful girlfriend. She gently taught me (without it ever being obvious) and showed me the way. I am very happy as a result-the kind of true,un-abridged happiness that I don't think I've ever experienced before.
Every day I wake up  and try to be the best person I can be for myself and for my girlfriend. Granted, some days it works better than others, but I do try.

After all, it's all about Universe and Karma: what goes around, comes around (often trifold).

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

New beginnings (I am a lucky c..t)

In the past two years I have been changing some things about myself. It's been a slow process, but a good one. Sort of a "cleanse", in a way. It's not something that happens overnight or something that you can will to happen-as in: "When I wake up, I'll be a different person". It happens when you're ready and it happens gradually.
As a result of these changes, I am a different person: much happier,for starters. I seem to attract people who are different as well: people who are good and who genuinely care about me. For the first time in my life, relationships are mutually fulfilling,genuine and honest.
I've finally met someone whom I've dreamed of meeting all my life. I was beginning to think that I will never find someone who is "on the same page" with me, as I have rather unorthodox views ( see my posts about relationships and my views on monogamy)... But I walked into work one day and there she was-just like that. Not only do we have a similar outlook, we connect on so many levels and, yes, she shares my uncommon views on relationships. She also genuinely cares about me and makes a big effort to make me happy, in big and small ways.
She doesn't play games and is not at all into mind-fucking or manipulating. She says it like it is: very refreshing and so rare these days.
She also makes me laugh. REALLY laugh. To a point where I have tears streaming down my face. Sometimes I start giggling during the day (for no apparent reason to others) just thinking of what she said. I haven't laughed like that in years... No,decades,really.
At times, it makes my job a bit difficult. Like the time when she was making text remarks about DATA  left on things (private joke,cannot share it, sorry)... I was at work and went into booking shortly after receiving that text. Well, I was bursting into laughter even as the punter was dutifully sucking on my nipples, so I had to cover it up by saying "Oh,God, you make me feel SOOOO good". Punter bought it: hook,line and sinker...LOL..

We just moved in together and it's a very special time for my GF: she bought the house and it's her first house ever. She is very handy and can do pretty much any job. Me-not so much. I am more about shopping and decorating. So she is going full speed, tearing the house apart (quite literally: the bedroom is actually a dirt pit at the moment,as my Lovely ripped all the floorboards and studs out and is replacing them with brand new ones, as well as strengthening the foundation brickwork-all by herself with her own two hands).

All that while she is working full-time. She goes for 48 hour stretches without sleep often (I keep asking her to get some rest).
So one night, while she was at work, I wanted to impress her. I bought a spice rack which had a paper towel holder and bravely screwed it (using electric screwdriver) into the wall just above the stove. My amazing GF also cooks (as in gourmet cooking-as I've said,  am a lucky c...t), so I thought the rack would be conveniently close to hand while she is whipping up some yummy delight.
In the morning it was pointed out to me that: A. I made a huge whole in the wall  and B. It is a fire hazard to have paper towels so close the the open flames. But it was done in such manner that I collapsed on the floor laughing :).
My GF has a very dry, dead-pan delivery and some people don't get her sence of humour. But those who do really appreciate it. She gets funnier as she gets more tired (seriously) and the sleep deprivation sets in.
One time, when she had hardly any sleep for weeks, friends took her to a Comedy Club on an open mike night and put her on stage. She had audience in fits in less than a minute. Too bad she can't remember most of it.
Just this morning she had me in fits of gigles, as she posted a comment on my "True friends" post.. The jokes are private, but, God they are hillarious! I was giggling most of the day :)

The other day I was cleaning our mutual friend's house. I volunteered for the job,as that particular friend is very,very nice to us and it's the least I can do,really.
In my cleaning frenzy, I dis-assembled oven's door: I wanted to get all the old grease and grime out. Even as the pieces fell apart, I realised there is no way in hell I can put it back together. Here I was, standing in the middle of the kitchen with a phillips screwdriver in a state of a mild panic.
I called my GF and, miraculously, she fixed the thing-it turned our better than before, as she also tightened the seals in the process. I was told, however, to never touch OUR oven with my industrial strength chemicals (which I was so excited to obtain from a professional cleaning supply company) and NEVER, ever get anywhere near her wok. Turns out, accumulated grease adds to the flavour of cooking and stripping it off with harsh chemicals ruins it. Who knew.

Even with all the work remodeling the house and her full-time job, my GF cooks me really great meals and even fixes me lunches to take to work with me! Sometimes I honestly feel like pinching myself: is this really happening? Is this really my life?

I've read an article recently (a review more or less) about this book-the sequel to The Secret. This sequel talks about the importance of expressing your gratitude. As in actually putting it (gratitude) in words. Supposedly, it will bring you abundance of what you're grateful for.
Well, I don't want another GF. All I want is to keep mine. She is perfect. So I'll make sure that I find a new ways to express my gratitude every single day, as I never want to loose what we have.
I AM such a lucky c...t!