Thursday, December 22, 2011

Conman clients

Wide-spread perception is that  working girls are prone to cheating their clients out of their hard-earned money... Complaints range from girls misrepresenting themselves in advertising to taking the money and not delivering the service and everything in between.
I am not going to deny that it happens and I am not going to explain girls behaviors or to defend/condemn them-this post is not about that.

There are serious predators out there-they are like great big sharks-slowly cruising the murky waters and methodically choosing their victims. Their cons involve planning and certain brazenness. They are not without a skill. They choose the industry that is illegal in most countries and un-regulated in others, so that the victim has no recourse and can't file a complaint with the police.

First story involves myself-it happened in Las Vegas quite a few years back.
I was still very young and somewhat naive (not entirely, but I definitely didn't have the experience and knowledge I have today).
I just started working for a new agency: it was a husband-and-wife business, which they run from their home (as prostitution in Las Vegas is ILLEGAL, all agencies are "outcall" ONLY, which means that all you need to start one is a phone,some girls "on call" and a newspaper ad).
The people who owned the agency had a clever gimmick-they were advertising nude cleaning service, which was perfectly legal. It was implied that sexual services could be obtained from the provider at additional cost.
I've talked about how tedious it was to work in Vegas before: agencies would only discuss "companionship" or, in this case, "cleaning services" with  clients, making sure they never spoke of sex for money. So it was up to us, girls, to go to the location and negotiate services and fees (all of which were in addition to what agency already quoted the guy-we didn't get ANY cut of that). This way agencies were always "in the clear" with the police and us,girls, were under constant threat of arrest by undercover cop-it was nerve racking.
Anyway, I've done a couple of jobs for that outfit and it was OK-some guy actually had me clean his bloody bathroom for real (and it was disgusting,too) before we moved on to "sex" aspect of the booking..

So one day  the owner calls me and tells me that he was contacted by a limo driver who is driving around a "whale" (Las Vegas term for a big spender). Limo driver is trying to arrange a multi-hour booking for his client in one of the major Las Vegas hotels.
Apparently, that "limo driver" called several times and gave information in little bits and pieces.
Long story short, it was requested that the girl was "intelligent","well-educated and well-mannered", "able to carry  a conversation on a variety of subjects"... I'll come back to this particular bit later, but most conmen of that ilk ask for intelligent,educated girls-there is a reason for that-it's the way they structure their cons, it requires certain level of intelligence for the girl to "buy into it",as strange as it sounds.
The guy then proceeded to tell the owner that a hotel room should be booked by either agency or the girl herself (he didn't care which),as the "whale" is quite famous and well-known and he is staying in another hotel, but cannot have girls seen coming into his room and cannot just go into a hotel himself and book a basic room-it'll raise questions.
OK, so I was told by the owner to book a room (even back then I've always been savvy with my money and investments and had a fairly high-limit credit card, so it wasn't a problem).
There I was, in the room at the Treasure Island Hotel,waiting for the "whale" to turn up. In the meantime, the "limo driver" has called the owner again and requested that a package of cigarettes of specific brand was waiting in the room. The owner purchased  and delivered it to my room. More phone calls ensued, more hype was build up, more talk of how extremely important the client was,the booking was postponed, but then I heard the knock on the door.
Now, by then I've been with my share of different clients and I know wealth when I see it (the way the clothes are cut, brands of watches,whether or not they fake,etc).
The guy who entered the room did NOT look like a "whale" to me. At all.
He wore ill-fitting (JC Penney bought,probably) black pants, white shirt and no jacket. Immediately upon entering the room he started grabbing,fondling and kissing  me (right by the door). He had his hand in my panties inside 10 seconds!
I was trying to be coy and telling him to make his way to the bed-which he did eventually only to get straight into sex.
The policy is always to collect the money first and this was a multi-hour booking, presumably, so a lot of money was involved.
As the guy didn't give me a chance to discuss anything, much less collect the money BEFORE we had sex, I breached the subject right after.
He explained that he doesn't want to "nickle-and-dime" and will pay me in the end "for everything",as he was too afraid to carry such a large sum with him to some hotel room to meet unknown prostitute-what if it was a set-up and I had my "pimp" laying in wait and all we wanted to do is rob him (it all made perfect sense,too).
We talked for a while-he told me about his family,his children and grandchildren (I think parts of that were actually true). He appeared to be relaxed and not in any hurry. He didn't ask for more sex, either. All of that prompted me to relax as well-although I had a funny little gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach, I thought  maybe I was being paranoid.
Guy asked for the cigarettes he requested, and in about an hour asked me to go downstairs to the shops  with him (most major Las Vegas Hotels have some sort of shopping mall on the ground level).
While in the shops, he selected some items for his grandchildren and asked me to pay for those, citing, again, not bringing his wallet in fear of being robbed and saying that all the money will be paid at the end of booking. He said it would be delivered in a briefcase by his trusted limo driver, who's been driving him for over a decade every time he came to Vegas.
After the shopping expedition he wanted to eat. Again, plenty of restaurants right there, on the ground level. He wanted to go into a very expensive Steak House, but I pointed out that we are not likely to get a table this late without a reservation. He still wanted to try and get in, but, sure enough-they didn't have any tables for us.
So we ended up in the coffee shop (no reservation required) which is still pretty nice at the Treasure Island.
By then I knew that I was , most likely, duped, and this guy is full of shit. But he kept on spinning the web and was pretty convincing.
At the end of the dinner I've decided to go with my gut feeling-I knew I should cut my losses. Besides, I wasn't sure how he would react if I tried to confront him-he was a pretty big dude and people act differently when cornered-I didn't want to get hurt.
So I've paid the bill and told him that I was going to the bathroom (bathrooms were in the main casino area, outside of the restaurant). Instead, I run into the garage, got in my car and high-tailed it out of there.
He never called the agency to find out where his "escort" was,etc-funny that.
At the end of the day, I was out a little more than $400 and I had sex with some slimy dude for free.
Clearly, there never was any "limo driver"-the guy was calling the agency himself, trying to build a convincing plot. He also chose a small agency vs. one of the bigger ones, as those would probably look for him and do him some harm.
At the end of the day, even if I could go to the police, what would I say: I did have sex with him willingly, he certainly didn't rape me, I did pay for the purchases myself and signed the credit card receipt in my own hand...
Later, after talking to some other girls, I found out that that same guy was "making rounds" with several other agencies and private girls.
The agency agreed to "split" the damage with me and gave me half of what I've spent (but nothing for the actual service I provided to that scumbag)..
But at least I got off lightly- my friend who lives in Australia wasn't so lucky. And now we come to story number two.
It began much the same: the parlour where my friend worked received a number of calls from the guy who had a lot of requirements: intelligent,well-educated girl, capable of conversation,etc,etc. He wanted "outcall" to one of the nicest (and most popular) hotels in Melbourne (those who live there or visited would know exactly which one I mean).
Again, the guy kept calling and building himself up. Finally, the manager called my friend (who happens to be highly intelligent, educated, successful,etc) into the office, gave her guy's number and told her to talk to him. She also told my friend to keep it a secret from other girls. I know that manager and I believe that she genuinely was trying to do something nice for my friend, a "reward" of sorts,as Kate (my friend) is very popular, has a huge following of regulars and makes the parlour a good deal of money.
As this "encounter" was to take place outside of the parlour, nothing would be "on the books" and Kate could potentially have a nice chunk of change in her bank account.
So Kate rang the guy and met him in executive, "members only" lounge of that particular hotel. Straight away, she knew that he doesn't really look the part of a wealthy businessman-his Rolex was fake, to begin with and his clothes didn't seem that expensive.
But he "talked the talk"-told her about his investments (vague outline, nothing specific) and his phone kept on ringing and he would tell someone on the other end of the line to "just sell it" or engage in what seemed like a serious business negotiations. He even got into argument with a waitress,as he wanted to be seated at a particular table and wouldn't take "No" for an answer (table was reserved).
He proceeded to tell Kate that he was actually looking for PA (personal assistant) who can handle his business affairs and who was willing to provide sexual services as well, as he was "too busy for nonsense"-so basically needed "all-in-one" package deal.
He told her that she would be provided with a company car and an expense account. He even asked her what sort of car she preferred (colour, make and model).
Eventually, he asked Kate to book a room in that hotel (same excuse-too well-known,busy,blah,blah,blah). She did as requested. No sooner had they entered the room, he had sex with her. He then promptly fell asleep.
His phone kept ringing in the meantime and Kate wasn't sure whether or not she should answer it-she WAS hired as a PA,after all...
After an hour or so the guy woke up and they've decided that he'd call her tomorrow to "set everything up". No money exchanged hands,as it was understood that she would get paid salary and expenses once they ironed out the details.
The next day Kate wasn't sure what to do: should she go to work at the parlour or should she wait for the guy to ring?... He finally rang, in the afternoon, saying that he just "dinged his Jag" and could she pick him up from a body shop. She did so (he was waiting for her outside). He then received more phone calls-one of them supposedly from his sister, whom he needed to see. He asked Kate if he could have her car while his was being repaired. She said no, as she needed her car to get around-she didn't have another one.
The guy then suggested they "sit down somewhere" and discuss the details of her employment. But before they did that, he had her drive him into "his" bank to take some money out, "for expenses". Then they went to a cafe.
In a cafe he proceeded to tell her that since she'd be given a  company car, she had to produce a bond, to "secure the asset"-after all, he hardly knew her and she could just drive away to never be seen again (it all made sense). While having that discussion, he carefully asked various questions re. her friends and family situation (divorced and single), her approximate worth (she is not poor), her previous "legitimate" employment (she was a manager for a very big and very serious company),etc. It was very cleverly done, all under disguise of "employment assessment".
Finally, the guy declared that she would need to pay $20K (yes, twenty THOUSAND) as a bond.
You have to understand, these people have certain abilities, they are not amateurs. Writing this, it seems so obvious that the situation was extremely dodgy, but if you'd been there, you'd understand that it was not so "cut and dry"-it's almost as if these guys "put a spell on you". You know something is not quite right, but you can't put your finger on it and you don't want to look stupid and miss out on a good opportunity. Also, after a while, you feel that you are in danger, as well, physical danger.
Anyway, they went to Kate's bank. The guy was waiting outside while Kate went in. She remembers asking for $20K cash withdrawal and, of course, manager had to be called. It so happened that Kate knew that particular manager personally and she remembers her (the manager) asking her if she was SURE she wanted to take such a large sum out in cash (Kate just sold her house, that's why the money was in her account). Kate gave a feeble excuse, saying that she was buying a new car. She told me she felt she was in danger if she didn't give the guy the money. After some consideration, she did ask for $15K instead.
She took the money, carefully packaged in a bag for her and got in the car. The guy told her to drive him to his "office" (he gave her a very well known posh business building address smack in the middle of Melbourne CBD which houses hundreds of offices). He said he just needed to drop her bond off at the office, so his secretary can get "the ball rolling"-he told her not to park, but rather just wait for him at the curb with the car on idle. "I'll be back in 2 min" were his last words. She's never seen him or her $15K again.
Quite a few months later she got a call from the police: apparently, the guy was caught (he perpetrated similar scams all over Australia) and they were calling all the numbers they could find on his cellphone to identify victims or possible accomplices.
Kate was asked to testify and the guy was subsequently locked up. Kate had to go into protective custody for a few years (as no one was sure whether or not that guy operated alone or if he had accomplices) and had to conceal her personal details.

These stories are not unique or isolated incidents: crimes perpetrated against sex workers are many,as we are often perceived as "easy prey".

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Different aspects of working privately

So I am officially working privately in New Zealand now...
Of course, I've taken private clients before (while working a regular job or working for an agency/parlour) and even done "working" road trips, but this is the first time when I  do this exclusively (I don't have a "normal" day job and I don't work for any parlours or agencies), legitimately (prostitution was de-criminalised in NZ 7 years ago) and as a proper business (I have a website, blog, online ad and accountant).
This took some work: my web designer spent a couple of months designing the site, I've had professional photos done, I've established on-line profile on the popular Adult Forum here in NZ, I've written a lot of blog entries :) and answered countless private messages... I even went to Auckland to meet with some people and gain their insights on the industry.
New Zealand is quite unique: it is a fairly small country with population of 4 million, so things are different in here: there is only one major advertising site for sexual services and one forum where such services discussed. There are a couple of others, but they are smaller and are frequented mostly by the same people (with some exceptions). That's why it's next to impossible for a working girl to "re-invent" herself under a different name: within days (sometimes hours) one  or more of the clients does the "research" and will post on the Forum his findings. Although the reasons for "re-invention" could be perfectly legitimate (stalker,ex-boyfriend,unwanted client,etc), it usually looks suspicious to clients. Unlike in the big countries, there is no way for the girl to get "lost" and re-appear as someone entirely different in another parlour/city/state and start with "clean slate". So one has to be careful building up a profile and creating a "persona".

So far I've noticed few things that were not obvious to me when I worked for agencies/parlours.
The main one: I am very happy with my decision to show my face in my ads. Granted, I am in a very unique situation: I have no partner, kids, day time job, my parents live far away, don't speak English and don't know how to use a computer, much less own one, all my friends and associates know exactly what I do for a living and support me (link to my blog is on my FB mast..hehehe..), my next "legitimate" job will be a Manager of the parlour, where all this experience is a huge PLUS, not a minus, so it doesn't matter that people might look me up online and recognise me on the street (I certainly do NOT advocate showing of a face in the ads for average working girl who only does the job for a while as means to an end).
As a result of my face clearly visible on the photos, I only get calls from prospective clients who like what they see and are genuinely interested in a booking. They may not book for the day they've called, but they definitely will in the future. So I only get a few phone calls a day and all the conversations are pleasant.
Also, I no longer have to put up with endless questions that seem pointless. And I came to a stark realisation as to why: a lot of times, when the photos don't show a face and most of the body is covered by a dress, guys call and ask questions in an attempt to figure out  girl's true age and condition of the body (whether or not there are stretch marks, how toned,etc).
As my flatmate, who is a professional actress (she's done a voice-over for one of the characters in Tintin,as a matter of fact) pointed out, a woman could make herself sound younger on the phone by bringing her voice an octave or two higher...
When I travel for work into small towns, newspaper is the best advertising media, but, as lots of girls lie in the ads about their age,size,etc, I am usually inundated by avalanche of phone calls. It gets annoying after a while, but now I understand  a lot better the reason for that..
As I didn't have any photoshopping done on my images, when the client arrives, he gets exactly what he saw on the photos, which eliminates unpleasant conversations and awkwardness: the whole thing is going much smoother (the reason I say this is because when I worked in a parlour which specialised in "young,new" girls, my face was "blooped" on the photos. As I've never had kids and take good care of myself, my body is slim and tight and, depending on what sort of clothes I wear (say, a schoolgirl outfit), one might assume that I'm in my early twenties. Then they turn up and feel disappointed because they realise that I am older. However, having said that, I hardly ever lost a booking for that reason, as I usually quickly stripped and once they saw the boobies and the rest of it, the deal was in the bag...LOL..).
Another advantage of working for myself is the fact that I really do have more freedom. The last place I worked for was very accomodating and the owner let me be "on call", but that place was also really busy and often she took booking for "now" or even had the client come in and THEN told him I was available, so I frequently found myself in the middle of my walk or shopping across town when the phone rang and she wanted me to be in the parlour within minutes. It was stressful,as I had to run (literally) not to make the client wait too long and then arrived out of breath and not looking my best (certainly not relaxed).
These days I explain to clients that in order for them to have truly relaxing, un-rushed experience, they need to plan a bit in advance: this way I will be waiting for them, dressed in sexy clothes, with candles lit, fresh make-up on and smelling good :).
Which brings another subject: accomodation. A lot of clients seem to confuse private set-up with parlour (or even agency) set-up.
Private girls make arrangements for "working" premises. Sometimes it's a hotel. But recently another option emerged, which I find quite helpful and better in many ways.
These days "agencies" are quite popular: the owner rents an apartment (or several) and advertises on a website. Bookings are made by phone, for a particular girl at a particular time (girls photos and stats are displayed on the website). When a client arrives, the girl he booked (hopefully :)) awaits for him at the apartment.
As working girls could be unreliable at times, owners prefer to have them physically come in for a shift (they usually sit in one of the apartments, watching TV,reading,etc, all made-up,dressed and ready for work). Some owners let the girls go out for a meal or shopping during the shift, but they want them close by and not to be gone for long, thus making "now" bookings possible for clients.
As our business is never "non-stop" or every hour on the hour, often apartments are unused for stretches of time. Enterprising owners offer them at hourly rate to independent girls. It's a win/win situation for both: girl gets nice fully furnished and equipped premises without having to spend a dime in advance (she only pays when her client has showed up and handed her the money) or sign the lease and the owner gets additional revenue out of expensive real estate that otherwise would sit idle. It also enables private girls to take early bookings,as hotels would normally not check you in until 1pm (usually 2pm), so to see a client at,say, 10 am, you need to pay for TWO nights (the night before, so you're there at 10 am and the following night,as most hotels require 10 am check-out), which ends up being quite costly, while with agency apartment the going rate is $50/hr.
If a "private" girl has arrangements with several agencies, premises availability is prety much guaranteed at any time,as if one is not available, the others probably would be.
Really good agencies would have "working premises" that are just that: they are for bookings only, no one lives or stays there. I like that, as to me it looks very professional.
It is not a good idea,in my opinion, for a "private" girl to work from the place where she lives. A friend of mine who did that got raped. Granted, rape could've occurred under any circumstances, but I do believe her working from her flat was one of the contributing factors.
It also might betray personal info that most girls wouldn't want client to know (photos of kids and family, accidentally  left out bills with her real name, etc).
It might invite potential stalkers (a guy can sit in the car and watch her comings and goings and figure out her routine as well as who her friends and family are-happenned to me) not to mention some clueless guys who don't think twice about turning up at her doorstep un-announced wanting a booking.
So back to the misconception re. difference between "private" girls and brothels/agencies: as in those places girls come in for a certain shift and sit around waiting for a booking, it is quite possible for a guy to call and say he is coming "now" or just walk in.
The reason "private" girls choose to work privately is so they can have more flexibilty. They don't, in fact, sit around all made-up and dressed to the ninth all day :). Instead, they go about their daily routine. When someone calls and wants a booking, they need to keep in mind that, at the very least, the girl needs time to get to location of "working" accomodation, not to mention a few minutes to get ready and set-up the room. So "now" would hardly ever work with "private" escort. The only time it would is if you happen to call just as she was finishing with her last booking, still on the premises.
Besides, in my opinion, the reason a client wants a "private" girl is for relaxed, un-rushed experience, often anticipated for days.
Personally, the reason I went "private" is because I've decided I only want to see one or two clients a day, on the average: I no longer wanted crazy,busy, "revolving door", train-station atmosphere. I've worked hard all my life and was able to secure some financial independence, so I am doing this job to maintain my lifestyle.
I take plenty of time out for theater, shopping, eating out, spending time with friends and travelling.
As I have no debt and no bad habits (drugs,smoking,drinking) or partner/kids to support, I don't require huge earnings. Besides, I've invested wisely and do have some passive income.
So when I see a client these days, I am rested, in a good mood, not in any hurry and it makes for much more pleasant encounter.
I am glad I've done all the "legwork" and laid the foundation, as it makes things a lot easier: NZ is small, clients do read posts,blogs,etc and a lot of people have a pretty good idea of what I'm all about, so when they book me, they make an informed choice. It also eliminates all the disappointing and unpleasant bookings (for both parties).
Working  privately is not for everyone: it requires certain degree of organisation, discipline and, yes, substancial amount of money to get going (or even to keep going when you happen to have a slow week). Some girls do better in a structured environment, where things are set up for them and someone "nudges" them along.
I am very happy with my decision and am grateful for support and advice of my friends and mentors who shared their experience and knowledge with me. You know who you are and I appreciate the generosity of your spirit- knowledge is power and in our industry it is sometimes more precious than gold!


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Beginning of the End

As sad as it it, all relationships come to a point when they "run their course". It's just the way the cookie crumbles.
I've written on the subject before ("Monogamy vs.commitment")-I don't believe we're meant to be monogamous forever. Relationships are tricky,complicated and require a lot of work. And sometimes, no matter how much work we've put into them, it just doesn't pan out.
Unfortunately, realisation that "this is not working" does not come to both partners simaltaneously. And there lies the problem.
The reasons we fall "out of love" are many and not always easy to pinpoint. Sometimes it's something very particular, sometimes it's just a sense that one "lost that lovely feeling". It's not any one's fault and not always a third party is involved.
A lot of people, especially ones who's been in the relationship for a while, dread telling their partner and just pretend everything is "hunky dory" when quite the opposite is true.
Trouble is, no matter what, other party senses that something is wrong. That's how all those dreadful "we need to talk" conversations start-your partner is trying to get reassurance from you, to quell their insecurities.
The truth is, once you started on that road, you are "on your way out". You may not consciously think that...yet... You may not make any "escape" plans...yet... But you are walking away. And sooner or later, you will be out of that door never to be seen again (at least, not in the "lover/partner" capacity).
No amount of counselling or therapy will cure the situation. There is no point to look for reasons or try to rationalise as to why you're feeling that way, as often there is no rational reason. You're just "done" with that particular person, as far as intimacy,romance and commitment are concern. Yes, you might still care about them or even love them, but you are not IN LOVE with them anymore.
It's not always that you want to be with someone else-often there is not a "someone else" in sight-you just don't want to be with your partner anymore.
Last week a woman walked in the brothel I work at. That particular brothel has a sign in front inviting everyone and anyone to "come in for a free tour".
My ears perked-finally, a lady client! I was getting excited. The woman looked pretty average,kind of plain, actually, wearing loose unfashionable ill-fitting slacks and top, no make-up and frizzy hair arranged in a messy bun.
Receptionist asked how she could help and the woman asked for a tour. Trish (the receptionist) asked if the woman was planning to stay. Woman got somewhat agitated and said: "It says "a free tour" upfront, I want a tour".
So Trish obligingly took her around. I trailed behind, as my curiosity was peaked and I wanted to keep an eye on things,as situation was beginning to look somewhat dodgy.
Not even 20 sec into the tour the REAL reason for woman's visit became apparent: her husband has left her and she found out (I can only wonder how-spying and following him,perhaps) that he is a frequent client at the parlour. She also knew the names of the girls he sees (again, I wonder how that happened-did she go through his phone? If so, were the girls giving him their phone numbers?)
Woman said she wanted to see the place with her own eyes and TO BOOK the girls her husband's been seeing (neither one of those girls was on). She said she wanted to see what it was her husband felt he was missing with her.
Trish and I talked her out of booking the girls-it would do absolutely no good and achieve no purpose except for making everyone uncomfortable and the woman even more insecure. We tried to explain to her that girls don't want her husband-they want his money and to get it, they are selling him A FANTASY.
But even more important point (which we didn't bring up) is that her husband didn't leave her because he started going to the parlour. Obviously, we would never know what the reasons were, but he no longer wanted to be with his wife.
No amount of make-up or sexy lingerie would rectify that. Yes, it could spice things up in the bedroom for a while (maybe), but, ultimately, the relationship has run it's course.
I've been in the situation myself: before I finally left my last husband, I was "on my way out" for about 10 months. He told my later that he sensed it and had a feeling I was going to leave, but was too afraid to bring it up, because he thought it would make me leave even sooner. I honestly wish he'd confronted me-it would make things simpler and would save him months of uncertainty and heartache.
I am trying to look back at it and remember what exactly went through my head and all I can come up with is the fact that I simply didn't want to be with him any more. Yes, I could rationalise a lot of reasons WHY, but the bottom line is that I've been with other people who had the same flaws as my ex-husband, but I overlooked them,because I WANTED to be with them. No one is perfect, everyone is flawed, yet we stay with people and love them regardless. We put up with their idiosyncrasies and annoying traits... Until we fall out of love with them-and then the bickering and pointing of the fingers starts.
So many people make the mistake of thinking that "it all could be worked out". They feel that all they need to do is to point out to their partner what exactly is causing the way they feel, how irrational it is,etc. They dilute themselves and prolong their agony. The person will listen, maybe stay for a while longer, but, ultimately, they will be gone. it's just the matter of time.
Yes, there are cases (very few and far in between,a whole lot less than what most people imagine) when the person is mistaken in thinking that relationship is over and the love is gone. Usually, there are serious circumstances involved. The best course of action, in my opinion, is to let them go. Yes, just cut any and all contact. No, don't be "just friends", no you don't need to follow them on Twitter and Facebook. Just cut them off completely.
Yes, it is very scary if you're still in love with them-there is a very good chance (more than 50%) you'll never see them again. However, if they do still love you and truly want to be with you, they WILL be back. And it will be on YOUR terms. It does happen.
Prince William and Kate Middleton is a very good example.
As most of you know, they broke up about a year and half before he proposed. Or, rather, he left her. He was gone from her life completely for 3 months. She was smart enough not go crazy with partying, etc and not try to contact him. She really did think they were through.
And then he realised he cannot be without her. He needed her and wanted her in his life. When he came back, he didn't come bearing an engagement ring, either. He just told her that she was the one he wants to be with. And she didn't make a fuss-just took him back. Obviously, she felt the same.
Looking at them now, it is apparent that they truly complement each other and are a well-matched couple. Their relationship stood the test of time.
However, this is an exception rather than the rule.
A friend of mine has been going through a yo-yo situation for a while now. Her boyfriend is clearly "on his way out" (clear to everyone, but her), yet every time he breaks up with her, she says to him things like "I don't accept it", "You only feel this way because you're under stress", "You say this because you're an unhappy person, so you're projecting this onto our relationship"... The list is endless,as she's been in therapy for years and knows a lot (and I mean A LOT) of various gimmick phrases. Although she manages to keep him around, neither one of them is happy: him thinking that he's being forced into something he doesn't want to do and her in constant fear of him leaving. To me it doesn't make any sense: both of them are wasting valuable time (as life IS short) that would've been spent more wisely  finding someone else or nurturing yourself (even more important).

When someone want to leave, let them go,set them free. Yes, it is incredibly painful sometimes-one study in the Journal of Neurophysiology found merely thinking of your departed lover (partner) activates the parts of our brain associated with craving, addiction,pain and distress. Our neural responses actually mirror those of a drug addicts in withdrawal, so it's no wonder you feel so crap. But,speaking from experience, time does heal all. With time it will get better. And you just might discover all the things you weren't able to while you were with your partner-sometimes, much better things :)))