Friday, October 21, 2011

Safety in the sex industry

In the past few weeks a number of disturbing stories hit the newspapers: two escorts were found murdered in Melbourne (both in Port Melbourne, but so far they are treated as un-related homicides), a 14-year old girl nearly escaped kidnapping, another woman was found dead in one of the suburbs-killed by her boyfriend.

Where does simple attraction end and unhealthy/dangerous obsession begins? What pushes a person "over the edge"-so they lose all grip on reality?
As I've had my own scary stalker story (, I am very aware of client's strange/suspicious behaviours.
Just today  a client came into the parlour and booked me. Receptionist warned me that he used to see this other girl named Summer all the time,but she left the industry about a month ago and he's been asking for her ever since.
The booking was a tedious one, as the guy didn't want massage or small talk-he just wanted to "go at it" for the whole hour (so he definitely got his money's worth:/). At the end he asked me if I knew other girls. He wondered if I knew Summer specifically (he we go, I thought). When I told him I haven't seen her in 3 months, he pressed, asking if she seemed happy or sad about a month ago. I reminded him that I haven't seen the girl in THREE months (!!). For the next 10 min I was subjected to a barrage of questions: is it common for WLs to take time off work? What other parlours are in the area (he actually wrote down the addresses!)? Do parlours have our contact info?,etc,etc,etc. It was clear to me that he intended to go and visit all the other parlours in the area in an attempt to find Summer.
On the way out he stopped by the reception desk and tried to harass the receptionist, mumbling about "wanting to say goodbye to Summer". He also tried to talk to another WL in passing,asking if she was Summer's friend.
When he left, receptionist told me that he had actually written a letter to Summer and posted it to the parlour. She showed it to the management (good girl-it helps to keep people aware of what's going on). In the letter, he made all those assumptions and it was pretty clear that he was obsessed with that girl.
This guy has clearly lost all touch with reality: in his mind, he actually had a RELATIONSHIP with WL! While for her it was clearly client/sex provider relationship, he imagined much,much more.
This is actually quite common psychological disorder: when one person starts imagining that another is in love with them and they are letting them know through certain looks,gestures and ambiguous wording.
Unfortunately, these sort of disorders tend to progress if left untreated-they can lead to physical violence,kidnapping or even worse.
Sex workers encounter this more often than anyone else,as the very nature of this business is intimacy.
The object is to make client feel "special" through kissing, hugging,passionate sex,etc. Often WL and client have heart-to-heart conversations,and a lot of private details are shared, thus creating this sense of intimacy.
It is so easy for a client to forget that we are just doing our job (sometimes all too good). That we are laughing at his jokes and listening with rapt attention because we are PAID to do so. Yes, we act sympathetic of his troubles and support your opinions, whether or not we actually feel that way,because we are "on the clock"...
It is important to gently remind clients that all  this "perfect world of intimacy" is largely a fantasy land. Reality is quite different AND ever present-no one lives in a dreamland "forever after'.
Yes, it is possible for a WL girl to fall for a client and it does happen... But not nearly as often as guys imagine.
If the girl likes you, she'll find the way to let you know, trust me. There is no such thing as "she's too shy" or "she probably doesn't know how to breach the subject".
You know that movie "He's just not that into you"? Well, it's the same with the girls-there are no "hidden" signs. If she is not volunteering her number/asking for yours/suggesting a meeting outside of work, guess what? She's just not that into you!
Ladies,please be vigilant. Talk to your friends and people you trust about "clingy", obsessive clients. Document all  communications with them ( you might need it later). Let people know when going to see clients on extensive bookings/out-of-town. We (all of us) can help each other by looking after each other.

1 comment:

  1. Many thanks for your courage on sharing this post and for raising safety in the sex industry.