Saturday, October 22, 2011

Lesbian couples vs. straight ones

A lot of people (both men and women) have really vague and sometimes funny idea of what lesbian couples are like.They imagine us painting each other's nails all day and constantly giving each other stuffed animals as presents. I can just see some of my exes busting out with laughter reading this... Although I must admit: I did paint my partner's nails on occasion and am guilty of a stuffed animal gift here and there...LOL..
Lesbians come in all shapes,colours,tastes and dress preferences.
Most popular categories are "femme" or 'lipstick lesbians" (the obviously feminine ones) and "butch" (those who veer towards masculinity), but it's really a lot more complex.
There are "soft femmes" and "hard femmes", just as there are "soft" and "hard" butch,not to mention "bois", who are a category of it's own.
Some of those categories have to do with lifestyle and the way of thinking, rather than  outward appearances.
"Boi", for instance, is a girl (or a woman) who has andro appearance and leads care-free lifestyle, avoiding any kind of responsibility or obligation. Bois "hook up" frequently, but they don't want any sort of relationship, whether long or short-term. Often, they don't want a job that will "tie them down" or any sort of serious commitment (such as property ownership). Basically, they model their lifestyle after teenage boys (thus the name), however, it doesn't mean that this category is limited by age-I've met some bois in their late 30's and they seem to be cruising along just fine. Very popular boi's motto is "Bros before hos".

Myself, I am a "lipstick lesbian", through and through; I love frilly skirts and blouses, have long well-maintained nails, spend countless hours at hairdresser's and spas, get a lot of pampering and beauty treatments. I remember talking to one of my exes about my plan for a weekend getaway: 1.5 hour massage, facial, full body scrub,sauna.. She was absolutely terrified-"This sounds like a weekend from hell-sheer torture", she exclaimed..LOL.. Although she was not "butch", she represented well what's called "hard femme": she wore pants (mostly jeans) all the time, when she did put a dress on, it was for a costume party and she called it "being in drag" and make-up never touched her face. She did have long dreads,though and was not at all masculine in the appearance or behaviour-she was definitely a woman,there was no mistaking that.

As being gay has become a lot more "mainstream" and even a "thing to do"(yip, there are quite a few "fake" lesbians running around these days,especially among younger crowd), people struggle to appear more accepting of it in an attempt to look hip and "up with the times" (most  have no issues with gay people,they just don't know how to act around them:)) . Few weeks ago friends of mine, a lesbian couple,were having breakfast at the outdoor cafe with their cute beagle. The person who delivered their coffee said to the dog "Oh, you are so cute, out with Mom and Dad". My friends looked at each other in amazement: although they were both wearing pants, they are definitely and unmistakeably WOMEN. They have soft features and neither one of them could even remotely been classed as "butch". "So which one of us is "Dad"? my friend quipped to her partner. This went up on their FB immediately (thank you,IPhone) and was a source of entertainment for the rest of us that day..LOL..
Although gay couples face much the same challenges as straight couples do (or even more on occasion,as two women with hormones raging at the same time could be quite intense), there ARE some definite advantages.
One of those is zero risk of unwanted/unplanned pregnancy. For obvious reasons it doesn't exist and it's something us lesbians don't have to worry about.
Hetero couples are not so lucky in that instance. I've just returned to Melbourne after 3 months in NZ and had to conceal my surprise when my 43-year old flatmate opened the door sporting a very noticeable baby bump. Yip, she got knocked up by her boyfriend, absolutely unwanted and unplanned and also very unexpected- at her age she thought all that was far,far behind her.
Although she welcomes the pregnancy now, it caused her a lot of problems: boyfriend wasn't thrilled at first (he came around now), so the relationship was in jeopardy for a while. She will have to move in with him (and she wasn't planning on doing so in any foreseeable future and quite enjoyed the dynamics of the house we are in at the moment). Not to mention the fact that she is freaking out (her term) about the whole "up all night with crying baby" thing. Her whole life is going to change-at the age of 43, just when she thought she was going to "relax and enjoy the ride".
I have to say, that night I went to bed and said a silent prayer,thanking the Universe for my sexual orientation :))

1 comment:

  1. People are funny about it.. I am always laughing at the comment "But you don't look like a lesbian"