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Thursday, August 4, 2011

How do I get back at men who annoy me

Thought I'd write something light-hearted after all the heavy stuff :).

Just a couple of incidents-hopefully, they'll make everyone chuckle.

Last week one of my friends and I went to the movies. Afterwards, she wanted a drink and a chat.
As she lives in Melbourne permanently and has a car, I let her be in charge and pick a spot.
We ended up in one of the upscale bars just off Chapel St.
She said she'd been there once before and  liked it.
The place did look nice: it's a restaurant and there is a nice courtyard patio out back,where one could have a drink,etc.
We were greeted by a rather uptight waiter: he definitely seemed to have a stick up his butt.
He looked down his nose at us (I am not sure why,as we were dressed nice and both are reasonably good looking), but took us through to the patio,as we requested.
We ordered a couple of martinis and engaged in a private conversation. It was a chilly winter evening in Melbourne, but patio had heaters, so we were reasonably comfortable.
Almost immediately upon our arrival my attention was drawn to two men sitting at the table in the middle and not for a good reason. They were clearly well "into their cups", loud and used "f.." word frequently.
We tried to ignore them the best we could.
It was proving to be impossible, however,as not only they were joined by their equally inebriated friends, but also moved by the staff to a table next to ours! Apparently, the big table in the middle was reserved for someone else's get together.
My friend went to the loo and one of those guys immediately tried to talk to me: he introduced himself as Andrew.
Andrew appeared to be in his late 40's-early 50's, not at all attractive,pretty drunk and quite obnoxious-two huge turn-offs for me.
I was pretty short with him and told him that my girlfriend was coming right back.
Pam came back, we resumed our conversation (which was quite personal and private). In the meantime, guys at the next table kept encroaching in our space: Andrew was sitting on the bench that run along the wall and he was closer to our table than he was to his. He kept putting his drink down on our table and all of them were talking politics really loud, one couldn't help but hear them (they had no clue what they were talking about,either,let me tell you).
Andrew tried to talk to my friend and I again. Mind, he didn't buy us a round of drinks or even offered to do so, he just started talking to us,asking our names and carrying on. Pam brushed him off,saying that our conversation was private.
Next few minutes found Andrew and his friends  standing up and talking, gesticulating wildly (I don't know why,as there was plenty of room to sit at their table). In fact, Andrew's hand with drink in it was hovering right over my friend's head!
Even the waiter who was passing by our table noticed-he asked those guys to please move a bit.
By then we were on our second martini and we had a platter of snacks as well.
"Stuffy" waiter kept coming around and asking us if we wanted anything else-and not in a solicitous way-he clearly wanted us to just go. The reason: those drunk guys at the next table tipped him (I saw the money passing hands) and he wanted to accommodate them.
It was becoming obvious by then that the place is,actually,quite a "meat market": there were "pick-ups" happening all over, it seemed. It was clear to everybody that my friend and I are not interested in any of that. So the waiter wanted for us to go-he needed to make the space for more "available" girls/women to make "Andrew and Co" happy.
Place was getting really crowded as well. We started out in a nice upscale bar,but now it was resembling a pub,really.
I was getting more and more annoyed with the guys at the next table: they were getting louder by the minute, taking liberties:kept putting drinks on our table, hovering over our heads and STILL trying to engage us in a conversation.
Finally, I had enough. I also had a plan. I asked my friend if she was ready to go and when she said "yes" told her to just follow my lead.
We made our way through now very crowded patio and restaurant to the reception. When the "stuffy' waiter came up to the register to collect our payment, I smiled sweetly and told him that Andrew decided to take care of our bill: he felt bad about causing us inconvenience and wanted to make up for it.
I was banking on a combination of things: the fact that the place was very crowded and it wasn't easy for that waiter to go back and check with Andrew,it was also very busy and all the staff was run off their feet. He just said "OK", albeit with a little uncertainty and,with that, we were gone..LMAO..
Hopefully, some lessons will be learnt from that incident:
a) By Andrew: do not offer dubious pleasure of your company to women who are clearly not interested AND do not keep telling them your name
b) By a "stuffy" waiter: treat all people with equal respect-it's your job,for crying out loud! Don't assume you're better/smarter than everyone else-you might just get fooled :)

Another incident happened this week.
While I was in Melbourne, one of the girls from work put me onto several websites. They are all,basically,"Sugar Daddy" sites, where men and women are looking for an "arrangement".
One of them is called "WhatsYourPrice": it's where men offer "ex" number of dollars to go on a date with a girl/woman. Women can name their price and counter-offer.
I accepted an offer from this guy named Ebby. When he messaged me,his messages came across as quite rude: done in abbreviated "text" style, no greeting, no introduction. After I read his profile, I also found out that he is only 27 years old, Muslim and doesn't drink alcohol. I couldn't imagine why he even contacted me; we had absolutely nothing in common. The only thing I could think of was my profile photo: it showcases my ample breasts..LOL..
I've decided to not go through with the date.
Ebby persevered,though. He messaged me several times and then,one morning, he text me asking if I wanted to do dinner/movie that night.
As it happens, it was my day off and I was planning to go to the theater.
I thought:" Fine! Here we go,Ebby-you gonna get your wish!" I told him I wanted to see a play and have dinner at the theater restaurant beforehand (I've been meaning to try that restaurant for a while).
I DID tell him to read play synopsis online before he decided,though.
He kept texting me back, saying that he bought the tickets,made reservations,etc-apparently the theater was really close to his flat-he made sure he informed me of that fact (one can only guess as to WHY..LOL)
That night I arrived a little early and was in the theater's bathroom when my phone rang-it was Ebby. He was waiting for me at the lobby.
I went out to meet him and we proceeded into a restaurant.
As I took my coat off, Ebby seemed transfixed by my breasts (I do have ample bosom and was wearing a tight top:). All through the dinner he kept giving my bosom what he thought was "discreet" glances.
He was also texting (without excusing himself even) at the dinner table (one of my biggest pet-peeves).
I asked Ebby if he read the plays synopsis and he replied that he watched the trailer. He commented that the play would be funny. It gave me a pause: I read the reviews and from those I gathered that the play deals with a number of serious issues, is about a heartbreak and a terrible loss.. I couldn't think of anything "funny" in there. It was certainly not billed as "comedy"...
I tried to keep polite conversation and be entertaining, but Ebby and I had zero in common. I resorted to tried and true: got him to talk about every one's favorite subject-himself.
Food was barely passable, I might add-it's a good thing I didn't have to pay for it.
Desert, however, was superb. Note to self: while attending plays at MTC, plan on coffee and desert ONLY, as pastry chef is definitely on to it (unlike the Head Chef,clearly).
We couldn't even finish our desert,as it was time to go inside.
When we walked into the auditorium,the only seats left were at the front row. I actually prefer the front row in the theater,as you get to notice nuances better.
And then it happened! Within first 10 minutes of the play suddenly there was quite extensive scene with full frontal male nudity! As we were sitting in the front row, the lead actor's penis was, quite literally, hanging right in front of our faces.
I honestly knew nothing about that in advance-it wasn't in the review.
Ebby's discomfort was palpable! At some point he actually covered his face with one hand..LOL..
Just as I thought, the play was quite serious: there was a lot of shouting and raw emotions. There was nothing funny about it.
Ebby was clearly bored. He fidgeted in his seat, was yawning and texting. I tried to ignore him the best I could and focused on the play. It was quite good and I enjoyed it.
When it was over, I said goodbye to Ebby and thanked him for the lovely evening (I was brought up to have manners) and didn't even ask for my $75 "date fee" stipulated on the website. I knew Ebby had a miserable time, but that was his own fault...
Lessons to be learned:
a) If someone is clearly "not your type" or you have absolutely no common ground, don't ask them out, REGARDLESS of how big their breasts are..LOL..
b)Learn some basic manners and you might enjoy yourself more/get more rewards

Third incident occurred while myself and one of my girlfriends were having dinner at Dracula's.
That place was on my "Melbourne bucket list" for almost a year: I just had to go check it out.
So I've made arrangements with one of my "besties". Holly (not her real name) is great! I've met her at work last year and we hit it off straight away.
Back then she was self-proclaimed "bi-sexual" and dated a guy AND a girl at the same time. Her and I have never been romantically or sexually involved-there was never any desire from either one of us to go down that path: it was "mates" from the start.
Things have changed for Holly in the last few months: she's met an amazing man, fell in love, got married.
I have to make a side note here: I do not date "bi" girls. At all. Holly is a good example why: in the end, they all "want their dick", to put it blunt and go off with a guy. Or, as someone I know (a lesbian) says "Bi girls are there for a good time, not for a long time".
Relationships are hard as it is and I don't want to double the chances of failure by dating someone who could "swing both ways".
Anyway, here we were, Holly and I, having a good 'ol time at Dracula's, consuming copious amounts of bubbles.
When you enter that place, they ask you where you from (it's a tourist trap and they do all the "touristy" things, like making fun of you later).
When the show started, the guy on stage was picking on Holly (she's Irish) and myself-in a good-natured way.
During one of the intermissions,Holly went off to the loo. The guy next to me immediately started chatting me up, asking all sorts of stupid questions. This is what annoys me: he could clearly see I was with someone, yes, a woman, and still he tried to pick me up. And when she was away momentarily, too. WTF?
I was polite, but reserved. Then Holly came back and she bought a little prezzie for at the gift shop. I made a big production of pashing her and giving her a big hug (quickly whispered into her ear what was happening).
She caught on straight away-she's really quick on the draw. We proceeded with more kissing and hugging and various PDA.
It was so funny! The guy felt so uncomfortable, he didn't know where to hide! LMAO.
Lessons to be learned:
a) Don't be a "stud" and think that every woman will fall for your dubious charms at a drop of a hat
b)Be mindful of the fact that some women really DO prefer women and no, it is NOT a question of "not having met a "right" guy".

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