Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Funny/bizarre story

I have a regular client in NZ-kind of a nice guy.
We have interesting discussions.
I've told him long ago that I am, in fact, a lesbian (NOT "bi") and that I date women exclusively. I also told him my real age.
He talks to me about his wife, his business (he owns cafe in CBD),his daily goings on. I think one of the reasons we hit it off is that we have a lot of common ground as far as hospitality business goes and we bitch about customers and swap "war stories".
He actually met my "ex"-she came into town to drop off my car that I let her have while I was overseas back in January. I took her to his cafe-the coffee is really wicked and top notch.
When I'm in NZ, he books me every week or even a couple times a week sometimes.
I honestly have no idea why he persists-I think he is on a quest to get me to come, as I've told him I'm not capable of achieving that with a man. He tries hard, I'll give him that. Ain't gonna happen,though..LOL..
He usually turns up after he's been drinking or smoking pot, often both-and he rides a motorcycle while clearly off his face-I have no idea how he does that and, more importantly, how he never gets caught.
Normally I do not see or tolerate intoxicated clients. I either don't take the booking at all or terminate it early. But he is all right, so I make an exception for him.
The other day he booked me after seeing me just 2 days prior-that's really close even for him.
He turned up late, stinking of weed and with a fair bit of alcohol on his breath.
He was very excited. "I have a girlfriend for you!" he announced. I just stared at him.
He told me about this girl who comes to his cafe regularly. Apparently she's been coming for the past 2-3 months. He thinks she would be perfect for me.
"Why do you think that?" I asked.
"Oh" he said "She is really hot".  "Hot to your standards or mine?" I asked (he wouldn't know what my standards are,anyhow.
He proceeded to describe the girl, but then he told me how old she was... It took a lot of willpower for me not to burst out laughing: she is less than HALF my age!
And then the punch line came: apparently, he's been observing her and came to a conclusion that she's in love with her friend who is straight. And last week that friend changed her hair colour and now she looks like me, he reckons. So,in his male wisdom, he thought it would be great idea for us to get together!
Oh,where do I even start with that!...LOL.. My friends who know about my personal life are probably having a chuckle reading this now :) (yes,Un-PC Lesbian,I know you're cracking up).
Not to mention the fact that I can't even think of any common point of reference with someone THAT young. What exactly am I meant to do with them? Play "mummy" and tuck them in at night?
One thing is clear: he didn't think anything was wrong with that plan. In fact, if the girl was straight, he would not think twice about hitting on her himself (and he is older than me!).
This is such a typical male: a) they have that need to "solve" problems, to come up with a solution, b)they want to shag everything that looks good and damn the consequences-the whole "shag now,sort out the details later" attitude c) they think attraction based purely on physical appearance and d) they do think sex solves all or majority of the problems.
He basically thought that if I take that girl to bed and apply some skill, she'd forget all about her crush and her and I will live happily ever after... Jesus wept...
I just wanted to pacify him-I know he meant well, he just doesn't know any better-so I took the girl's phone number. I have absolutely no intention of calling her, of course.
He did describe the girl in detail, so when I was doing my daily morning walk and passed by his cafe, I actually saw her: she looked just like a kid (which she is,really) and appeared sad and somewhat lost. She was by herself. The last thing this kid needs is  mindless sex with someone she barely met.
This just illustrates the point: men are quite simple and primal. Simple in their motivations. I don't think they are capable of even beginning to understand women. Honestly.


  1. LOL. Hmmm, I also exclusively date women, but I am bisexual. Thankfully I haven't had any clients try to set me up with someone!!

  2. Oh My well unlike betty.. I have had 2 clients try to set Me up with women they thought would be suitable. No need to go into details beyond this made Me laugh out loud because really they have no clue.. hair color.. omg