Monday, February 21, 2011

Dilemma or Things Are Not Always What They Seem

Many arguments arise from lack of communication or, more accurately,from lack of information.
It probably happened to you at least a dozen times: you have SOME facts and base assumptions on those and then draw conclusions based on those assumptions.. Results could be disastrous,as things are not always what they seem and we often assign our own motivations to other people.
I am guilty of that myself.
Here's case in point.
I am in town where my ex lives (I don't live here, just come for work regularly). The split was not amicable and the whole affair left a very bad taste in my mouth and,Im sure,in hers.
 However, I got over it and put the whole thing behind me. She is with someone else now, who she was in love with and wanted to be with for a long time, deliriously happy and over the whole episode as well,Im sure.
But... We are not on speaking terms... And she had some bad experiences in the past, when ex-girlfriends doggedly stalked her and made her life miserable.
 She never got to know me well enough to understand that stalking/pursuing someone when the affair is over is definitely not my thing. I simply don't see any point in it and consider it a total waste of time.. Of which I have precious little, to be honest-it's all work,work,work for me these days :/
In this particular city, there are several (about half a dozen) web-coupon sites,where restaurants,beauty salons and other vendors offer services/goods at great discounts (sometimes as much as 75%). I take advantage of those as much as I can, especially since it's all the staff that I spend money on anyway.This trip I literally saved hundreds.
The catch is that you have to go to the location offered on the coupon.
Last week I enjoyed 2 dinners with my friends at a cost of $20 each for about $200 worth of value!!
This week, as I was planning a dinner with my friend,the only coupon offered was for the restaurant that is located in the same building where my ex works. It is offering $100 worth of food and drinks (anything you want from the menu) for $39. I've been to that particular place before and for $100 you can feed about 4 people. So it is an awesome deal.
So here what the situation REALLY is: I am taking my female friend to dinner (because it is a great bargain) to celebrate her very recent engagement to a wonderful guy. She is very happy and that happiness is well deserved. We have to go on that particular night and at that time,as we both work and it is my only day off and she doesn't finish work until 4:30pm.
And here what it would look like to my ex if she happens to see us: I went out of my way to eat there with another woman to either stalk her or stick it in her face or both.
The chances of her actually seeing us are negligeable,as she normally does not eat there, but I have the worst luck usually..LOL..
After thinking about it for a while, I've decided to go ahead with the dinner, as I can't really let other people control my life like that, especially since they are not even IN my life anymore in any capacity.

Think before you leap to conclusions. Life is multi-faceted and we never have ALL the facts.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Stuck in a hotel room

This happened when I was working as an escort in Las Vegas.
I was summoned to MGM Grand Hotel via the agency I worked for. I was told it's a bachelor party.
When I got to the room, however,the first thing I saw is wedding dress, clearly worn and discarded right by the door and a pair of lady's white shoes (worn as well).
It is a bit unorthodox to have a bachelor party AFTER the wedding took place, but who am I to judge,right?
The room was actually a suite: separate living room and a bedroom. There were 4 guys assembled on the couch.
After some conversation and money exchange I gathered that present were : the groom, his best man (who happened to be new bride's brother) and 2 of their friends (also members of bride's family-some distant cousins, I think).
At first they wanted me to strip and do lap dances-so far, so good. Then Bride's brother took me aside and wanted to negotiate a sexual encounter for the groom . We agreed on the price and I took the newly married into the bedroom.
As we were getting  down to it, he managed to tell me that,indeed, they gotten married just 5 hours prior,that same day and his new wife is now "downstairs shopping". That gave me a pause.
"Wait",  said, "Do you mean she is staying right here in this room with you??!".(Normally bachelor party takes place BEFORE the weddin and bride is nowhere near it) He said yes, but there is no need to worry-everything was planned and thought through. I did feel a bit funny, but decided to just get it over with as quickly as possible and leave.
Groom had other ideas,though: he must've taken some drugs,as he was going at it like a rabbit, wanted to do all kinds of positions,etc and yet he wasn't coming.
20 min later there was a knock on the front door. I could hear some scuffle and then a panicky voice of the best man. It very quickly became apparent that the bride was at the door and she couldn't understand why she can't come in. I could hear raised voices and then realised that the bride was now in the living room, demanding to know what was going on.
The only way out of the bedroom was through that living room. I would have to go past the bride to get out.
Groom was absolutely frantic. You could tell he was scared shitless-sweat was pouring down his face and his hands were shaking.His face was ashen. In a whisper he told me that the bride is from a very prominent family in a rather small town where her father has all sorts of influence. He kept saying :"She'll kill me".
I was more than a little worried myself: some of my clothes were still in the living room and I didn't relish the idea of some crazed bitch tearing into me because she made a bad choice in a husband.
I also wanted to avoid a nasty scene,as prostitution is illegal in Las Vegas and if security was called into the room, I would be : a)banned from that particular hotel (and we did A LOT of business at MGM) and b) quite possibly arrested.
I told the groom that he needs to get me out of the room safely and sort out this mess afterwards.
By then bride was livid-I could hear her screaming and banging on the bedroom door. Groom asked me to hide in the closet. He went out and more screaming ensued. Obsenities were flowing quite freely. Man, the mouth on that girl! And here I thought I have a potty one..LOL..
Finally the groom came back into the bedroom with the rest of my clothes. He told me I can leave now. He kept saying I would be OK. Sincerely doubting that, I told him to stay close and shield me from possible assault.
When I entered the living room, the bride was sitting on the sofa and her brother was pretty much holding her down. She attempted to jump up and have a go at me, but I was quick. She did manage call me a few choice names and threw the shoe at me, and it hit the door after I closed it behind me.
I run down the very long MGM hallway to the elevators and had a few very tense moments waiting for the elevator, praying no one would chase me.
Thankfully, I was out safely.

I now chuckle about it, but it wasn't all that funny when it was happening..

On the side note, how long do you recon that marriage lasted?..LOL..

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Nature vs.Nurture

Someone I once knew has this as her motto: "I am a product of my environment". She asked me why I was gay. At first, I was taken aback a bit, as this question came from a woman who knew that she was gay from tender age of 6 (by her own admission).
But then she explained her concept of nature vs.nurture and how we all are product of our environment and we had a lively discussion on the subject.
She made me see/look at things from a different angle and it gave me a whole different perspective.
When I was growing up in Russia, being gay was not only  unacceptable lifestyle, it was absolutely unthinkable. If found out, it was punishable by jail term.
To give a better idea, it is very much comparable to walking down the street buck naked: yes, you COULD possibly do it, but people will not understand or accept. And you WILL be arrested at some point. It is just not accepted by society as a norm or even reasonable deviation-it is simply not done, so very few of us would spend any time contemplating doing this.
So I never considered gay/straight concept for myself when I was young. It was simply ingrained in me that the ONLY way to be is to have a heterosexual relationship. Everything else was "a flight of fancy" or "dirty secret". It took decades for that to change and it was a very slow process. Nurture almost won.

Another part of the problem was that we were brought up not show our emotions. My Mom was especially strict about that. When she punished me for misbehaving (often giving me a good hiding with a belt), she did not want me to cry-I would get further punishment for crying. I was told that children were meant to be "seen, but not heard" and was not encouraged to show any "over the top" emotional responses.
I was meant to be a proper "little adult", acting in civilised manner at all times.
Later, when my Mom was my coach (she was a member of a Soviet National Volleyball team for years and started coaching after retiring), she deliberately put me on a team with the girls 2 years my senior. To get to their level, I was made come to practice an hour before everyone else and she would "run me" one-on-one. It was gruelling, as my Mom was a very hard coach to begin with. I was given no handicap for being younger than everyone else or for being her daughter-in fact, she was even harder on me.
Back then in Russia we were brought up believing in "end result"-meaning you had a specific goal and you HAD to achieve it. Just "doing your best" wasn't good enough. No one cared if you did your best, your worst or your median to achieve the specified result-it had to be done or you failed. Being second best was the same as failure.
Being a successful athlete meant a lot: trips abroad, lots of money, your own flat (where most families lived several generations together, as flats were all owned and dispensed by the government),possibly a car..
We were constantly reminded that there are hundreds of others who'd want our place and we are all expandable. From the very young age we worked really hard.
Some sports required more sacrifices than others: young gymnasts,for instance, routinely starved themselves and were bulimic.. We all performed with injures at one time or another..
Once I was at the Nation's Volleyball Championships (I was 15) and the player on the other side of the net stepped on my ankle. It was torn. My coach pulled me off the field, had my foot sprayed with some liquid from the large capsule that effectively "froze" it (I couldn't feel anything) and right back in I went,as I was a key player and my team needed me to win. So I run and jumped for another 45 min before the game was over (we won)... The pain that hit me when my ankle was "defrosted" was almost unbearable-I had to bite my fist so I won't scream... No one made me do that-I could have easily asked to sit the rest of the match out, but I wouldn't even consider that... Nature vs.nurture.
My mother also demanded I maintained straight "A"s at school (well,actually we had 1 through 5 grade system with 5 being the best, so I was bringing home all 5s). Even an occasional 4 would merit a very serious discussion and, God forbid, 3 was a full-blown alarm. Being the best was the ONLY way to be. Anything less was not an option.
From the early age I was taught discipline,subordination,structure and order.
In a way, I am grateful for that. It gave me  significant edge in the workforce in America, where a lot of young (and not so young) people are just wimps, self-centered, not prepared and not willing to work hard, yet posses a huge sense of entitlement.
The flip side is that I'm still having trouble with openly displaying my emotions (for instance, I find it incredibly hard to cry with others around). It affected some of my relationships, as I often think it inappropriate to ask lot of "probing" questions and not always let people know how I really feel-I just don't say anything at all.
It is true that it's not good to "bottle things up"-it all comes out at some point,often unexpectedly, because some event, however insignificant, was "the straw that broke the camel's back" and people don't understand why I overreacted. I've hurt some people that way and I do sincerely regret it.
I  have a hard edge to me- a "dark side". I am not proud of it and I don't attempt to make excuses for it, but it was definitely developed slowly over the years as a product of surrounding environment.
I always had to work harder because I was a woman, to achieve the same level recognition as men. I also took a lot more abuse. I had to find the way to navigate the system, as there is no point of fighting it-it'll be decades before mentality truly changes,if ever..
Yes, I am not above using my "girly wares" to achieve my goals, if that's the only way to get there... Having said that, I've also made grown men cry,as I can be ruthless. Being one of 17 thousand Realtors in Las Vegas vying for business did nothing to improve my disposition. It was definitely the "good 'ol boys club" and women were considered stupid, good for nothing whores and treated with contempt. Well, I showed some of those "boys" what I was made of..Hehehehe
On the onset, I treat everyone the way I want to be treated myself-that is, with respect. But when people "do me wrong" I can be a nasty piece of work and an abrasive cunt.
Once, when I was working at Olympic Gardens, one of the girls who worked with me let it slip that she is using someone else's Sheriff's Card (necessary to work in Vegas) because she is actually in US illegally (she was from Canada.
I filed that piece of information away and had absolutely no intention of doing anything with it until one day, almost a year later, that girl decided to rat me out to the manager for doing "touchy" lap dance. We ALL did those-you couldn't make any money otherwise, but that particular afternoon it was quite slow and she was jealous that I was making money and she wasn't. Never mind the fact that she usually made a lot more than I,as she had that popular Pamela Anderson (blond bimbo) look.
I was not amused. I do not care how much money everyone else makes and never even think about it-it's a pointless exercise in futility. But I do take exception when people mess with MY livelihood.
After the manager pulled me off the floor and gave me a warning, I promptly informed him that he's employing an illegal alien. Quick verification confirmed that I was telling the truth. The girl was asked to leave immediately, thus loosing A LOT of potential income and, quite possibly, any chance of working in Las Vegas, as they confiscated the Sheriff's Card. She should have just let the sleeping dogs lye-I was going to go home after I've done 5 dances for that customer and she would've made her money.

 We definitely are the product of our environment, only some of us realise it sooner than others.