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Friday, January 28, 2011

Punters' funny (and not so funny) quirks.

There are things clients do that us,working girls absolutely cannot understand and are very annoying. The list is endless, but let's talk about most common ones :)

-Touching girl's hair. I have no idea why guys feel the need to do this, but about 80% of clients try at some point during the booking touch WL's hair. I know long hair is sexy, BUT I always pull  mine back before doing a blow job,as it gets in the way AND punters will actually try to move it to SEE you blowing them. So why do they keep touching it?
Because of this I was never able to wear wigs for this work (I wore them all the time when I worked in restaurants)-inevitably the wig got shifted/pulled off.
The reason we don't like the whole "hair touching" routine is because often times punters want to do this in the middle of the booking, when their hands are sticky with lube and other staff.. And, NO, we don't wash/blow dry/style our hair after every booking.

-Trying to stick their fingers as far up girl's pussy as they can. Who do you think you are-Christopher Columbus?? What are you trying to discover in there?? There is no buried treasure, I assure you. In fact,it's very unpleasant and often painful.

-Asking the girl "What do you like". We are professionals, we do this for a living, it's a JOB. Yes, some girls do actually enjoy sex with the clients (but even they give up when doing 3-8 bookings daily). Personally, I never enjoy it,and the possibility of me actually having an orgasm with the client is negligible (me being a lesbian is  part of it).Once I worked in a parlour where there was this really hot gay receptionist-I was absolutely consumed with lust (she had no idea) and was wet and horny pretty much all the time. So when I went into a booking, I was practically half-way to orgasm as it was. STILL, no punter was able to get me off, even under those circumstances when I would close my eyes and have all sorts of naughty/unsavory images involving me and said receptionist floating through my head...
 However, we play into client's fantasy and provide him with what he needs. After all, he came in and paid good money to satisfy his urges/needs. So relax and get your rocks off! Don't worry about what I like-it's irrelevant under the circumstances. My reply usually is: "I like $100 bills and puppy dogs. Have you got one of those? It will make me very happy".

-Slapping girl's pussy. That MUST come from watching all that porn. It does absolutely nothing for the girl and I can hardly see what the purpose of it is.

-Rubbing girl's clit directly,vigorously and extensively. Clit is very sensitive. It shouldn't even be approached directly at first. Putting your rough fingers with ragged edged nails on it and rubbing it hard is EXTREMELY unpleasant! Again, must be all those porn videos.

-Insisting on intercourse when it's clear they are not hard enough. Personally, I've never had any kids and my vagina is quite tight. If the guy is not fully erect, it just won't happen-he won't be able to penetrate. Instead we would engage in this fumbling/awkward/embarrassing dance which would've been easily avoided if he just let me do my job.

-Trying to move/shift the girls around like a raggedy Ann doll instead of simply asking for certain positions. We are not mind readers-trying to pull on my leg or tap on it tells me absolutely nothing. Besides, me receiving oral is EXTRA and it costs more $$. Articulate your request!

-Not pulling out when orgasmed, but trying to keep on pumping in hopes to get hard again and have a second go without girl noticing. It is dangerous-you are risking yours and girl's health and life (see my "Attitudes towards condoms" post). Full condom and penis that is not fully erect is a bad combination: condom will slip or burst later. Don't be a cheap prick-negotiate the "second time" deal and let the girl put fresh condom on.

-Not turning up for appointments and not calling to cancel. Again, this is our job, this is how we make a living-it only takes 30 sec to call or text!

-Lying about bookings/girls requested. This one is my personal "favorite". I'll illustrate with an example. Client made a booking with me through the reception on the phone. This particular agency has excellent website with multiple current photos of all the girls, so there is no guessing-you see exactly what you getting before you even set foot in the parlour. Booking was for 3:30pm. 2 other girls were working with me that day. Location:private apartment in Wellington CBD. No one showed up or called. At 4:10pm the doorbell rang. A younger girl opened the door. Client told her he had a booking with her. It was her first day, so she didn't verify the name and just took him into the room. 2 min later another client showed up and he DID have an appointment for an hour with that young girl-he was just running late. The first guy was already undressed. Girl, being new, was confused and she blurted out to the guy #2 that she has another booking in 45 min.
I had to call the reception (located off-site) and try and make sense of the situation. Then I questioned guy #1.
Turns out, guy #1 was MY 3:30 booking. Not only was he extremely late (40 min), but when Tara opened the door he decided that he wanted her instead. It would have been perfectly fine (we can juggle things pretty good), had he explained that to us. Instead he just went into her room. AND he only wanted 15 min booking! So now guy #2 left in all the confusion/room shifting (1 hour booking lost for Tara) AND he was upset (understandably so), guy #1 didn't get to be with Tara-we put him with little Chinese girl, so he didn't get what he wanted,either and neither Tara,nor I or the agency made any money except for lousy $60 from guy #1. All that could be easily avoided with honesty and proper communication.

-Another "favorite" is when the client stands/sits literally half a metre away from you and asks how old you are. What does it matter?? The merchandise is in front of, close enough you can smell it, definitely see all of it. You either like what you see or you don't. If I say I'm 50 or 20, what difference will it make? When I am shopping, if I like the garment (i.e.colour,fit,shape,etc), I will buy regardless of which year it was manufactured. However, if I don't like it, the fact that it is very popular designer's latest collection jem is not going to persuade me to fork over the cash.
Same when they look at your tits,even touch them and still ask if they're real. What's the difference-you either like what you see/feel or you don't. I happen to have breast enhancements, but they were done over 13 years ago,under the muscle by best surgeon in Las Vegas. Even when I point out the scar,one can barely see it and it is located in an unusual place-"hidden in plain sight", one might say. And,yes, they are "mine"-I didn't just strap them on!

-Not understanding the concept of "appointment"-a problem unique to New Zealand. Punters here just don't get it. They ring and ask who's on, then just turn up whenever and get upset when most of the girls or the one they wanted are booked. Well, hello! What did you expect?? Or they ring and want to come over NOW. When I politely explain to them that I "take appointments" they ask if they can make an appointment for..yes, you guessed it, NOW.. Guys, "appointment" means some day/time in the future. At least 1 hour or more away. NOT 10 min from now.

-Trying to pull condom off when the girl is not watching and have unprotected sex. Certain country produces a lot of guys who seem to engage in this (they are also the ones who like very young girls and the most un-desirable punter for every WL in every country).

-Clients who try to impress WLs with their physique/penis size/sexual stamina/amount of money they make/their overall importance. Look, you've paid me whatever amount of dollars-I am sufficiently impressed. We are not on a date. We will not get married and have children together. Focus on your pleasure and don't waste your energy trying to impress me. Please.
Having said that, I do appreciate clients who want to have an intelligent conversation on variety of subjects (be that politics,history,theater)-I enjoy stimulating my mind and always like to hear other people's views/opinions.

-Clients who come to clubs/parlours looking for a girlfriend. Mate, this is the LAST place on earth who want to look for one! At best, the girl is honest and will just turn you down (and rejection is always unpleasant), at worst, the girl will pretend to go with it and will take as much money/goods/whatever from you as she can before she buggers off. "Pretty woman" is just that-a pretty, FICTIONAL story that has no basis in reality. besides, what are the chances that you look like Richard Gere?

URRGGHHH!!

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