Monday, January 24, 2011

Personal hygiene

As a professional escort, I take meticulous care of myself.
My hair is always done (as in coloured,cut,washed and styled).
I get regular pedicures (that's my toenails, but not just nail polish: I have all the rough skin shaved off the bottoms of my feet,scrub them and put moisturising lotions on).
I get facials every 4 weeks and my nails have natural looking acrylic enhancements at all times, so they always look long and well-manicured -no chipped nail polish or half-chewed nails here (they also great for lightly running along the back or the balls:thrilling sensation that gives client goosebumps and is very arousing).
I stay in shape with regular exercise and get massages as well.
I always wear make-up and dress with care.

I could never understand why most men can't be bothered with BASIC hygiene when coming in for service.
Yes, there are exceptions, but they are just that: exceptions.
As a rule, men come in smelling quite badly. I always put them in the shower first, despite the fact that many of them claim to "just had a shower" (yeah,right-I could smell you before you walked through the door almost). They go in, I can hear the water running, they come out dripping wet, so I KNOW they were under the water... Yet when when I lean over them, the smell just hits me in the face. In some cases, smell fills the room in the first few minutes,it is that bad. Sometimes,after they been laying on their backs, they get up at the end of the service and there is a "track" left on the towel (yes, from their unwashed behind). Gross!
I don't think men understand the concept of proper washing up. The fact that you need soap up all the orifices,quite vigorously,before rinsing. Especially if you have untrimmed hair everywhere!
Personally, I shave clean all my hair,except on my head. The reason I started doing this in my teens was-you guessed it-unwanted odor.
I don't believe many men use deodorant or even think it's necessary. Often times they think spritzing a lot of cologne instead is a viable option. WRONG! You just smell like a sweaty horse covered in cologne : nauseating combination. I always cheer for those Lynx deodorant commercials-funny, and they drive a point across,hopefully + make it sound like the guys going to get laid almost immediately after starting using it :)
I used to have a boyfriend who's BO was so bad, it was addressed by the management at his workplace! I kid you not! And still he couldn't think what the problem was and thought that management is just "picking on him".
A lot of parlours where I work place deodorant on the shelf next to the shower: guys it is NOT in interior design item. Use it!
A lot of clients ask for their balls to be licked. They go about it in an interesting manner: they usually ask if I "WANT to lick their their balls" (the honest answer is "hell,no",of course). Depending on the client, my mood and the amount of money involved, I sometimes say "No,not really" and point out the fact that it is a hairy smelly nest. I suggest that next time they shave/wax them before coming to see me and apply copious amounts of soap in the shower and THEN I might consider the licking.
And how about unkempt nails with ragged edges. Woman's pussy is her prised possession. It is soft and delicate and sensitive. If you gonna stick your fingers there, make sure you at least clip your nails (better option is to file them as well).

Bad breath is another common offender. Most of the punters want GFE (girlfriend experience) which involves French kissing. Although many girls charge extra for that, it usually seems to be the hardest point to negotiate,especially in NZ-clients want it to be included in the basic price. Well, then make sure you don't smell like you've just been drinking from a sewer!
I brush my teeth regularly and always pop the mint before starting the service. I will be happy to give client one of my mints, but they seldom ask.
Don't even get me started on the horrible condition of their feet, with cracked dry skin that snags on the sheets and gnarly toenails. It's the stuff nightmares made out of.

Punters need to realise that if they are clean,good smelling and with the hair trimmed in all the right places, WL will be willing to give them so much more for their $$$ (commonly referred to as "good mileage" in my profession).